Overture / And All That Jazz .......... Catherine Zeta-Jones / Renee Zellweger / Taye Diggs

Funny Honey .......... Renee Zellweger / Reilly, John C. / Colm Feore

When You're Good to Mama .......... Queen Latifah / Taye Diggs

Cell Block Tango .......... Catherine Zeta-Jones / Susan Misner / Deidre Goodwin

All I Care About .......... Richard Gere / Renee Zellweger

We Both Reached for the Gun .......... Christine Baranski / Cleve Asbury / Shaun Amyot

Roxie .......... Renee Zellweger

I Can't Do It Alone .......... Catherine Zeta-Jones / Taye Diggs

Mister Cellophane .......... John C. Reilly

Razzle Dazzle .......... Richard Gere

Class .......... Catherine Zeta-Jones / Queen Latifah

Nowadays (Roxie) .......... Renee Zellweger / Taye Diggs

Nowadays / Hot Honey Rag Medley Title .......... Renee Zellweger / Catherine Zeta-Jones / Taye Diggs

I Move On .......... Catherine Zeta-Jones / Renee Zellweger

After Midnight .......... Danny Elfman

Roxie's Suite .......... Danny Elfman

Cell Block Tango / He Had It Comin' .......... Queen Latifah / Lil' Kim / Macy Gray

Love Is a Crime .......... Anastacia

[VELMA]
Come on babe
Why don't we paint the town?
And all that Jazz

I'm gonna rouge my knees
And roll my stockings down
And all that jazz

Start the car
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold
But the piano's hot

It's just a noisy hall
Where there's a nightly brawl
And all
That
Jazz

[COMPANY]
Skidoo!

[VELMA]
And all that Jazz

[COMPANY]
Hotcha!
Whoopee!

[VELMA]
And all that Jazz

[COMPANY]
Ha! Ha! Ha!

[VELMA]
So lick your hair
And wear your buckle shoes
And all that Jazz

I hear that Father Dip
Is gonna blow the blues
And all that Jazz

Hold on, hon
We're gonna bunny hug
I bought some aspirin
Down at United Drug
I case you shake apart
And want a brand new start
To do that-

[ROXIE]
Jazz

[VELMA]
Find a flask
We're playing fast and loose

[ALL]
And all that jazz

[VELMA]
Right up here
Is where I store the juice

[ALL]
And all that jazz

[VELMA]
Come on, babe
We're gonna brush the sky
I bet you luck Lindy
Never flew so high
'Cause in the stratosphere
How could he lend an ear
to all that Jazz?

[VELMA]
Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy shake

[COMPANY]
And all that jazz

[VELMA]
Oh, she's gonna shimmy 'till her garters break

[COMPANY]
And all that jazz

[VELMA]
Show her where to park her girdle
Oh, her mother's blood'd curdle

[COMPANY]
Did she hear her baby squeal
For all that jazz

[VELMA]
And all that jazz

And all that jazz

Come on babe
Why don't we paint
The town?
And all that jazz

I'm gonna
Rouge my knees
And roll my
Stockings down
And all that jazz

Start the car
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold
But the piano's hot
It's just a noisy hall
Where there's a nightly brawl
And all that-

[COMPANY]
jazz

[VELMA]
No, I'm no one's wife
But, Oh, I love my life
And all that Jazz!

[COMPANY]
That Jazz!

[Thanks to iamabunnyfucker@boltblue.com for corrections]
[Thanks to Santana for correct lyrics]

[ROXIE]
Sometime's I'm right
Sometime's I'm wrong
But he doesn't care
He'll String along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

Sometime's I'm down
Sometime's I'm up
But he follows 'round
Like some droopy-eyed pup
He love me so
That sunny honey of mine

He ain't no sheik
That's no great physique
Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts

Oh, but look at that soul
I tell you, the whole
Is a whole lot greater than
The sum of his parts

And if you knew him like me
I know you'd agree
What if the world
Slandered my name?
Why, he'd be right there
Taking the blame

He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny, sunny, honey
Hubby of mine

[AMOS (Spoken)]
A man's got a right to protect his home
and his loved ones, right?

[FOGARTY (Spoken)]
Of course, he has.

[AMOS (Spoken)]
Well, I came in from the garage, Officer, and I
see him coming through the window. With my
wife Roxanne there, sleepin'...like an angel...

[ROXIE]
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

[AMOS (Spoken)]
...an angel!

[AMOS (Spoken)]
I mean supposin', just supposin', he had violated
her or somethin'...you know what I mean...
viloated?

[FOGARTY (Spoken)]
I know what you mean...

[AMOS (Spoken)]
...or somethin'. Think how terrible that would have been.
It's a good thing I came home from work on time, I'm tellin' ya that! I say I'm tellin' ya that!

[ROXIE]
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

[FOGARTY (Spoken)]
Name of deceased... Fred Casely.

[AMOS (Spoken)]
Fred Casely. How could he be a burglar?
My wife knows him! He sold us our furniture!

[ROXIE]
Lord knows he ain't got the smarts

[AMOS (Spoken)]
She lied to me. She told me he was a burglar!

[FOGARTY (Spoken)]
You mean he was dead when you got home?

[AMOS (Spoken)]
She had him covered with a sheet and she's givin'
me that cock and bull story abou this burglar, and
I ought to say that I did it 'cause I was sure to get off.
Burglar, huh!

[ROXIE]
Now, he shot off his trap

I can't stand that sap

Look at him go
Rattin' on me
With just one more brain
What a half-wit he'd be

If they string me up
I'll know who
Brought the twine

[AMOS (Spoken)]
And I believed her!
That cheap little tramp. So, she
Was two-timing me, huh?
Well, then, she can just
Swing for all I care.
Boy, I'm down at the garage,
Working my butt off fourteen
Hours a day and she's up mucnhin'
on god-damn bon bons and jazzing.
This time she pushed me too far.
That little chiseler.
Boy, what I sap I was!

That scummy, crummy
Dummy hubby of mine!

[MATRON]
Ask any of the chickies in my pen
They'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen
I love 'em all and all of them love me
Because the system works
The system called reciprocity...

Got a little motto
Always sees me through
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you.

There's a lot of favors
I'm prepared to do
You do one for Mama
She'll do one for you.

They say that life is tit for tat
And that's the way I live
So, I deserve a lot of tat
For what I've got to give
Don't you know that this hand
Washes that one too
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you!

If you want my gravy
Pepper my ragout
Spice it up for Mama
She'll get hot for you

When they pass that basket
Folk contribut to
You out in for Mama
She'll put out for you

The folks atop the ladder
Are the ones the world adores
So boost me up my ladder, Kid
And I'll boost you up yours

Let's all stroke together
Like the Princeton crew
When you're strokin' Mama
Mama's strokin' you

So what's the one conclusion
I can bring this number to?
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you!

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[ANNOUNCER]
And now the six merry murderesses of the Crookem County Jail in their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango"

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
(4X)

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

[VELMA]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
(2X)

[LIZ (Spoken)]
You know how people
have these little habits
That get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie like to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP. So I came home this one day,
And I am really irritated, and
looking for a little sympathy
and there's Bernie layin'
on the couch, drinkin' a beer
and chewin'. No, not chewin'.
Poppin'. So, I said to him,
I said, "You pop that
gum one more time..."
and he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have dome the same!

[ANNIE (Spoken)]
I met Ezekiel Young from
Salt Lake city about two years ago
and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd
fix him a drink, We'd have dinner.
And then I found out,
"Single" he told me?
Single, my ass. Not only
was he married
...oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know. So that
night, when he came home, I fixed him
his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold
their arsenic.

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
carvin' up the chicken for dinner,
minding my own business,
and in storms my husband Wilbur,
in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman,"
he says. He was crazy
and he kept screamin',
"you been screwin the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!

[ALL]
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[HUNYAK (Spoken in Hungarian)]
Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan
vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam
a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg...

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Yeah, but di you do it?

[HUNYAK]
UH UH, not guilty!

[VELMA]
My sister, Veronica and
I did this double act
and my husband, Charlie,
used to travel round with us.
Now, for the last number in our act,
we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row
One,two,three,four,five...splits, spread eagles,
back flips,flip flops, one right after the other.
So this one night before the show we're down at the hotel Cicero,the three of us,boozin', havin' a few laughs and
we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later,
when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.

[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming all along
[GIRLS]
They had it coming all along
[VELMA]
I didn't do it
[GIRLS]
She didn't do it
[VELMA]
But if I done it
[GIRLS]
But if she done it
[VELMA]
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They took a flower
[VELMA]
All along
[GIRLS]
In its prime
[VELMA]
I didn't do it
[GIRLS]
And then they used it
[VELMA]
But if I'd done it,
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

[MONA(Spoken)]
I loved Al Lipschitz
more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy...
sensitive... a painter.
But he was always trying
to find himself.
He'd go out every night
looking for himself
and on the way
he found Ruth,
Gladys,
Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke
up because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.

[ALL]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

[Group 1]
They had it comin'
[Group 2]
They had it comin'
[Group 1]
They had it comin'
[Group 2]
They had it comin'
[Group 1]
They had it comin'
[Group 2]
They had it comin'
[Group 1]
All along
[Group 2]
All along
[Group 1]
'Cause if they used us
[Group 2]
'Cause if they used us
[Group 1]
And they abused us
[Group 2]
And they abused us
[ALL]
How could you tell us that we were wrong?

[Group 1]
He had it coming
[Group 2]
He had it coming
[Group 1]
He only had himself to blame.
[Group 2]
He only had himself to blame.
[Group 1]
If you'd have been there
[Group 2]
If you'd have been there
[Group 1]
If you'd have seen it
[Group 2]
If you'd have seen it
[ALL]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[LIZ (Spoken)]
You pop that gum one more time!
[ANNIE (spoken)]
Single my ass.
[JUNE (Spoken)]
Ten times!
[HUNYAK (Spoken)]
Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.
[VELMA (Spoken)]
Number seventeen-the spread eagle.
[MONA (Spoken)]
Artistic differences.

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[Thanks to Vnzlagirl@hotmail.com for corrections]
[Thanks to Andrea Joos for corrections]

[GIRLS]
We want Billy
Give us Billy
B. I. double L. Y.
We're all his
He's our kind of a guy
And ooh what luck
Cause here he is...

[BILLY]
Is everybody here?
Is everybody ready?
Hit it!

I don't care about expensive things
Cashmere coats, or diamond rings
Don't mean a thing
All I care about is love

[GIRLS]
That's what he's here for

[BILLY]
That's what I'm here for

I don't care for wearin' silk cravats
Ruby studs, satin spats
Don't mean a thing
All I care about is love

[GIRLS]
All he cares about is love

[BILLY]
Give me two
Eyes of blue
Softly saying, "I need you"
Let me see her standin' there
And honest, mister, I'm a millionaire

I don't care for any fine attire
Vanderbilt might admire
No, no, not me
All I care about is love...

[GIRLS]
All he cares about is love

[BILLY]
Maybe you think I'm talking about physical love.
Well, I'm not. Not just physical love. There's
other kinds of love. Like love of justice. Love
of legal procedure. Love of lending a hand to
someone who really needs you. Love of your fellow
man. That's the kind of love I'm talkin' about.
And physical love ain't so bad either.

It may be sound odd
But all I care about is love

[GIRLS]
That's what he's here for

[BILLY]
That's what I'm here for

Honest to God
All I care about is love

[GIRLS]
All he cares about is love

[BILLY]
Show me long Raven hair
Flowin' down, about to there
Let me see
Her runnin' free
Keep your money, that's enough for me
I don't care for drivin' Packard cars
Or smoking Long Buck Cigars
No, no, not me
All I care about is
Doin' the guy in
Who's pickin, on you
Twistin' the wrist
That's turnin' the screw
All I care about is love!

[GIRLS]
All he cares about is love!

[REPORTERS]
Where'd you come from?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Mississippi

[REPORTERS]
And your parents?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Very wealthy.

[REPORTERS]
Where are they now?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Six feet under.

[BILLY]
But she was granted one more start

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
The convent of The Sacred Heart!

[REPORTERS]
When'd you get here?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
1920

[REPORTERS]
How old were you?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Don't remember

[REPORTERS]
Then what happened?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
I met Amos
And he stole my heart away
Convinced me to elope one day

[MARY SUNSHINE (spoken)]
Oh you poor dear I cant beleive what you have been through A convent girl! A run-away marriage!
Now tell us roxie...

[MARY SUNSHINE]
Who's Fred Casely?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
My ex-boyfriend.

[REPORTERS]
Why'd you shoot him?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
I was leavin'.

[REPORTERS]
Was he angry?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Like a madman
Still I said, "Fred, move along."

[BILLY]
She knew that she was doing wrong.

[REPORTERS]
Then describe it.

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
He came toward me.

[REPORTERS]
With the pistol?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
From my bureau.

[REPORTERS]
Did you fight him?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Like a tiger.

[BILLY]
He had strength and she had none.

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
And yet we both reached for the gun
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both
Oh yes we both
Oh yes, we both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Oh yes, we both reached for the gun
For the gun.

[REPORTERS]
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun
for the gun.

[BILLY]
Understandable, understandable
Yes it's perfectly understandable
Comprehensible, Comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It's so defensible

[REPORTERS]
How're you feeling?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Very frightened

[REPORTERS]
Are you sorry?

[ROXIE]
Are you kidding?

[REPORTERS]
What's your statement?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
All I'd say is
Though my choo-choo jumped the track
I'd give my life to bring him back

[REPORTERS]
And?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Stay away from...

[REPORTERS]
What?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Jazz and liquor...

[REPORTERS]
And?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
And the men who...

[REPORTERS]
What?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Play for fun...

[REPORTERS]
And what?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
That's the thougt that...

[REPORTERS]
Yeah

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Came upon me...

[REPORTERS]
When?

[BILLY]
When we both reached for the gun!

[MARY SUNSHINE]
Understandable, understandable

[BILLY AND MARY SUNSHINE]
Yes, it's perfectly understandable
Comprehensible, comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It's so defensible!

[REPORTERS]
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for

[BILLY (spoken)]
Let me hear it!

[REPORTERS]
The gun, the gun, the gun,
The gun
Oh yes, they both reached
For the gun

[BILLY (spoken)]
A little louder!

[REPORTERS]
For the Gun.
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached
For the gun, the gun,

[BILLY (spoken)]
Now you got it!

[REPORTERS]
The gun,the gun
Oh yes. They both reached
For the gun
For the gun.

[BILLY AND REPORTERS]
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun
For the gun.

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun

[BILLY]
Both reached for the...gun

[REPORTERS]
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
The gun, the gun, Both reached for the gun.

[Thanks to pipermacfadyen@hotmail.com for corrections]

[ROXIE]
The name on everybody's lips
Is gonna be Roxie
The lady raking in the chips
Is gonna be Roxie

I'm gonna be a celebrity
That means
Somebody everyone knows
They('re) gonna recognize my eyes
My hair my teeth my boobs my nose

From just some dumb mechanics wife
I'm gonna be Roxie
Who says that murder's not an art?

And who in case she doesn't hang
Can say she started with a bang?
Roxie Hart!

Boys...

[BOYS]
They're gonna wait outside in line
To get to see

[ROXIE]
Roxie
Think of those autographs
I'll sign,
'Good luck to ya,'

[BOYS]
Roxie

[ROXIE]
And I'll appear
In a lavalier that goes
All the way down to my waist

[BOYS]
Here a ring,
There a ring,
Everywhere a-ring-a-ling

[ROXIE]
But always in the best of taste!

(spoken)
Mmmm, I'm a star!
And the audience loves me!
And I love them
And they love me for loving them
And I love them for loving me
And we love each other
And that's because none of us
Got enough love in our childhoods
And that's showbiz
Kid

[BOYS]
She's given up her hum drum life

[ROXIE]
I'm gonna be sing it

[BOYS]
Roxie
She made a scandal and a start

[ROXIE]
And Sophie Tucker will shit
I know
To see her name get billed below
Roxie Hart

[BOYS]
Roxie...
Roxie...
Roxie...
Roxie...
Rox-ie...
Roxie...
Roxie...

Announcer (spoken)
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Velma Kelly in an act of desperation.

Velma (sings)
My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop.
My sister and I were headed straight for the top.
My sister and I earned a though a week, at least, oh yeah!
But my sister is now, unfortunately, deceased.
I know it's sad of course, but a fact, is still a fact!
And now all that remains, is the remains, of a perfect-double-act!

Velma (spoken)
Watch this!
We have to imagine it with two people-it's swell with two people!

Velma (sings)
First I'd...
Then she'd...
Then we'd...
But I can't do it alone!

Then she'd...
Then I'd...
Then we'd...
But I can't do it alone!

She'd say, "What's your sister like?"
I'd say, "Men!"
She'd say, "You're the cat's meow!"
And we'd wow the crowd again!

When she'd go...
I'd go...
We'd go...
Then those ding-dong daddies started a roar, whistled, stomped, banged on the floor, yelling, screaming, begging for
moooooore...!
And we'd say,"Ok, fellas, keep your socks up-'cause you ain't seen NOTHING yet!"
But I simply cannot do it...aaaloooooone...!

Velma (spoken)
So what do you think, huh? Come on... you can say.

Roxie (spits her tongue at her)
Prrrt...!

Velma (spoken)
I know, you're right, the first part's shit. But the second part? The second part is REALLY nifty!
Ok!

Velma (sings)
She'd go...
I'd go...
We'd go...
And then those two-bit Johnnys did it up brown, to cheer the best attraction in town, they nearly tore the balcony
doooooown...!
And we'd say, "Ok, boys, we're going home! But before we go, there's a few more parting shots! And this, this, we did in
PERFECT UNISON!"

Now ya see me going through it!
You may think there's nothing to it!
But I simply cannot do it...aloooooone...!

[Thanks to ariselo@cbn.net.id for corrections]

AMOS THROUGHOUT

If someone stood up in a crowd
And raised his voice up way out loud
And waved his arm
And shook his leg
You'd notice him

If someone in a movie show
Yelled "fired in the second row,
This whole place is a powder keg!"
You'd notice him

And even without clucking like a hen
Everyone gets noticed, now and then,
Unless, of course, that personage should be
Invisible, inconsequential me!

Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name !!!!
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!

I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me walk right by me
And never know I'm there. . .

Suppose you was a little cat
Residin' in a person's flat
Who fed you fish and scratched your ears?
You'd notice him

Suppose you was a woman wed
And sleepin' in a double bed beside one man for seven years
You'd notice him

A human being's made of more than air
With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there

Unless that human bein' next to you
Is unimpressive, undistinguished
You know who. . .

Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
Never even know I'm there

[Thanks to jdmiller28@yahoo.com for corrections]

BAILIFF(Spoken)
Mr. Flynn, his honor is here

BILLY(Spoken)
Thank you. Just a moment.
You ready?

ROXIE(Spoken)
Oh Billy, I'm scared.

BILLY(Spoken)
Roxie, you got nothing to worry about.
It's all a circus, kid. A three ring circus.
These trials- the wholeworld- all show business.
But kid, you're working with a star, the biggest!

(Singing)
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle Dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give 'em the old hocus pocus
Bead and feather 'em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?

What if your hinges all are rusting?
What if, in fact, you're just disgusting?

Razzle dazzle 'em
And they;ll never catch wise!

Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle

BILLY AND COMPANY
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous

BILLY
Row after row will crow vociferous

BILLY AND COMPANY
Give 'em the old flim flam flummox
Fool and fracture 'em

BILLY
How can they hear the truth above the roar?

BILLY AND COMPANY
Throw 'em a fake and a finagle
They'll never know you're just a bagel,

BILLY
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll beg you for more!

BILLY AND COMPANY
Give 'em the old double whammy
Daze and dizzy 'em
Back since the days of old Methuselah
Everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler

Give 'em the old three ring circus
Stun and stagger 'em
When you're in trouble, go into your dance

Though you are stiffer than a girder
They'll let you get away with murder
Razzle dazzle 'em
And you've got a romance

COMPANY(The same time as BILLY's)
Give 'em the old
Razzle Dazzle

BILLY
Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Show 'em the first rate sorceror you are
Long as you keep 'em way off balance
How can they spot you've got no talent
Razzle Dazzle 'em

BILLY AND COMPANY
Razzle Dazzle 'em
Razzle Dazzle 'em

And they'll make you a star!

MATRON(Spoken)
The whole world's gone low-brow. Thing's ain't what
they used to be.

VELMA(Spoken)
They sure ain't, Mama. They sure ain't it's all gone.

(Singing)
Whatever happened to fair dealing?
And pure ethics
And nice manners?
Why is it everyone now os a pain in the ass?
Whatever happened to class?

MATRON
Class.
Whatever happened to, "Please, may I?"
And, "Yes, thank you?"
And, "How charming?"
Now, every son of a bitch is a snake in the grass
Whatever happened to class?

VELMA AND MATRON
Class!
Ah, there ain't no gentlemen
To open up the doors
There ain't no ladies now,
There's only pigs and whores
And even kids'll knock ya down
So's they can pass
Nobody's got no class!

VELMA
Whatever happened to old values?

MATRON
And fine morals?

VELMA
And good breeding?

MATRON
Now, no one even says "oops" when they're
Passing their gas
Whatevcer happened to class?

VELMA
Class

VELMA AND MATRON
Ah, there ain't no gentlemen
That's fit for any use
And any girl'd touch your privates
For a deuce

MATRON
And even kids'll kick your shins and give you sass

VELMA
And even kids'll kick your shins and give you sass

VELMA AND MATRON
Nobody's got no class!

VELMA
All you read about today is rape and theft

MATRON
Jesus Christ, ain't there no decency left?

VELMA AND MATRON
Nobody's got no class!

MATRON
Every guy is a snot!

VELMA
Every girl is a twat!

MATRON
Holy shit

VELMA
Holy shit

MATRON
What a shame

VELMA
What a shame

VELMA AND MATRON
What became of class?

[Thanks to divas_disguyz@hotmail.com for corrections]

ROXIE(Spoken)
...Gone, it's all gone.

(Singing)
It's good, isn't it?
Grand, isn't it?
Great, isn't it?
Swell, isn't it?
Fun, isn't it?
Nowadays

There's men, everywhere
Jazz, everywhere
Booze, everywhere
Life. everywhere
Joy, everywhere
Nowadyas

You can like the life you're livin'
You can live the life you like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around wiht Ike
And that's
Good, isn't it?
Grand, isn't it?
Great, isn't it?
Swell, isn't it?
Fun, isn't it...

ANNOUNCER(Spoken)
Ladies and gentlemen, the Vickers Theatre,
Chicago's finest finest home of famile entertainment,
is proud to announce a first. The first time, anywhere,
there has been an act of this nature. Not only one
little lady but two! You've read about them in the papers
and now here they are- a double header! Chicago's own
killer dillers- those two scintillating sinners-
Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly.

ROXIE AND VELMA
You can like the life you're livin'
You can live the life you like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around wiht Ike
And that's
Good, isn't it?
Grand, isn't it?
Great, isn't it?
Swell, isn't it?
Fun, isn't it?
But nothing stays

In fifty years or so
It's gonna change, you know
But, oh, it's heaven
Nowadays

ANNOUNCER
Okay, you babes of jazz. Let's pick up the pace.
Let's shake the blues away. Let's make the parties longer.
Let's make the skirts shorter and shorter. Let's make
the music hotter. Let's go to hell in a fast car and
KEEP IT HOT!

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Chicago Theater is proud to announce a first.
The first time, anywhere there's been an act of this nature.
Not only one little lady, but two!
You've read about them in the papers and now here they are!
Chicago's own killer dillers
those scintillating sinners
Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly!

Roxie and Velma:
You can like the life you're living
You can live the life you like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around with Ike
And that's
Good, isn't it?
Grand, isn't it?
Great, isn't it?
Swell, isn't it?
Fun, isn't it?
But nothing stays

In fifty years or so
It's gonna change, you know
But, oh, it's heaven
Nowadays

ANNOUNCER
Okay, you babes of jazz. Let's pick up the pace.
Let's make the parties longer.
Let's make the skirts shorter.
Let's all go to hell in a fast car and KEEP IT HOT!

Roxie and Velma:
And all that Jazz!

[VELMA]
While truckin' down the road of life, although all hope seems gone,
I just move on.

[ROXIE]
When I can't find a single star to hang my wish upon, I just move on,
I move on.

[VELMA]
I run so fast, a shotgun blast can hurt me not one bit.

[ROXIE]
I'm on my toes cause heaven knows a moving target's hard to hit.

[VELMA & ROXIE]
So as we play in life's ballet, we're not the dying swans, we just move on,
we move on.

[ROXIE]
Just when it seems we're out of dreams, and things have got us down.

[VELMA]
We don't despair, we don't go there, we hang our bonnets out of town.

[VELMA & ROXIE]
So there's no doubt we're well cut out to run life's marathon, we just move on,
we just move on.

So fleet of foot, we can't stay put, we just move on.
Yes, we move on!

Instrumental

Instrumental

[Intro: Queen Latifah]
Dana Owens aka Queen Latifah, yes I'm here to testify
No, I gotta speak on my behalf, you don't even know what happened
Can I just tell you what happened?

[Chorus: Macy] (Latifah)
He had it comin' (He had it comin')
He only had himself to blame
If you'd a been there, if you'd a seen it
I think that you would have done the same

[Verse 1: Queen Latifah] (Macy)
I mean imagine, why was he hittin' his woman?
Why was she takin' that?
Now picture her fightin' back, picture the ass kickin'
Think of his ass flippin' down the stairs
And me at the top smilin', he shoulda stopped wildin'
Now could you picture me tryin' to finish him off?
See why I pictured me on this side of the law
High heels leave holes, you'd a thought I was gunnin'
Now the cops comin', I ain't runnin'
(He had it comin')
Girl you shoulda seen it, shoulda bobbed and weaved
Before the cops came, got a coupla clean hits
In word the ??? couldn't take the abuse
But I couldn't explain that to the state troops
But you know girl, yeah you go girl
Plus I look real cute in orange jump suits
This the story I'm tellin' and I ain't changin' nothin'
I just needed you to know Your Honour

[Chorus] - 2X

[Verse 2: Lil' Kim] (Macy)
Aiight aiight, let's get this over with
Take the mug shot, hurry up the fingerprints
What the blood clot?
Lil' Kim aka Sofia Luchiani
Keep your jump suit, I'm rockin' Armani
Yeah, I bust at him once, but that was just a warnin'
My lawyer will be here with bail money in the mornin'
I'm not guilty, just tryin' to protect mine
It ain't my fault he ran into my knife 20 times (He had it comin')
Just my luck the bastard ain't die
What you woulda did if every other day he blacked ya eye?
Broke ya nose 'til it started bleedin'
Kicked you in ya ribs, chocked you 'til you stopped breathing
(Fuck) that, I'm sick of bobbing and weaving
Threatenin' to kill me when I threaten to leave him
I do a bid, 'cause ain't no way
(Nigga) gonna do me like Ike and OJ

[Chorus] - 2X

[Verse 3: Queen Latifah]
This is for the constantly accused, mentally abused
How many of you been in my shoes before, aiight
Or have you felt you caught the worse case
Puttin' up wit his tired ass in the first place
Why am I flippin'? I just bought them condoms
I ain't used not one but there was two missin'
Get a new mission, how to catch a cheater
If he only use coach, you shouldn't smell ???
If you know he don't smoke, you shouldn't smell reefer
If you catch him cheatin' you shouldn't yell either
Run up on him quietly, took him out silently
It might sound cruel, but you gotta love the irony
So explain that, just came back off a trip
And I come home to this, please
He ain't followed the guidelines
So forgive me Your Honour, he ran into my knife five times

[Chorus] - 3X

Oooh Yeah
Chicago

If love is a crime baby
I'd do my time
Whether it's wrong or right
You can sentence me to life
If love is a crime baby
I'd do my time
Whether it's wrong or right
You can sentence me
Sentence me to life

Some might say I'm guilty of love in the first degree
If the jury wants to lock me up and throw away the key
There's no greater punishment than what I face inside
Won't tamper with the evidence cause there's nothing to hide

He lives inside my heart
I'm in the middle too
You never had a clue
Unless you felt it too

If love is a crime baby
I'd do my time
Whether it's wrong or right
You can sentence me to life
If love is a crime baby
I'd do my time
Whether it's wrong or right
You can sentence me
Sentence me to life

Swear tell the truth, just let me plead my case
The thief who stole my heart from me I couldn't let escape
He's my only alibi, but I won't drop a dime
So how can I give up to you, my partner in crime

He lives inside my heart
I'm in the middle too
You never had a clue
Unless you felt it too

If love is a crime baby
I'd do my time
Whether it's wrong or right
You can sentence me to life
If love is a crime baby
I'd do my time
Whether it's wrong or right
You can sentence me
Sentence me to life

You can take away my freedom
But you can't take my love from me
I won't die a lonely prisoner
'Cause my heart will set me free
Oooh ooh yeah
Whooh!
Chicago

I said
If love is a crime baby
I'd do my time
Whether it's wrong or right
You can sentence me to life
If love is a crime baby
I'd do my time
Whether it's wrong or right
You can sentence me
Sentence me to life

Ah come on
I said
If love is a crime baby
I'd do my time
Whether it's wrong or right
You can sentence me to life
If love is a crime baby
I'd do my time
Whether it's wrong or right
You can sentence me
Sentence me to life

I said love is a crime

[Thanks to rockin_robinw@msn.com for corrections]