Davey's Song .......... Adam Sandler

At The Mall .......... Adam Sandler (feat. Kevin Grady)

Patch Song .......... Adam Sandler

Long Ago .......... Adam Sandler, Alison Krauss & Eight Crazy Nights Cast

Technical Foul .......... Adam Sandler

Intervention Song .......... Adam Sandler & Eight Crazy Nights Cast

Bum Biddy .......... Adam Sandler And Eight Crazy Nights Cast (w/ Alison Krauss)

The Chanukah Song, Part 3 .......... Adam Sandler

The Chanukah Song, Part 1 .......... Adam Sandler

The Chanukah Song, Part 2 .......... Adam Sandler

Crazy Chinese Resturant Guy:
He dine and dash me! He tru and screw me! He super-skid me!

Police:
What?

Crazy Chinese Resturant Guy:
He no pay for his four Scorpion Bowl.

Davey:
Oh, boy.

I'm the kinda guy that can't stand the holiday
So I drink them all away
That's me

I don't decorate no trees
And I won't eat no potato lakees
But I'll give this old ladies melons a squeeze
That's just who I am

Well I'll never spin a dreidel
But I'll always throw an egg
And I'll charliehorse your leg- for laughs
While you're singing your holiday tune
I'm acting like the town Bafoon
Whipping out my big white scary moon
And blowing a beef your way

I hate folks who think reindeer are cute
to me they're just something to shoot
I hate love, I hate you, I hate me

Well I'm a snowmobile stealing
No 'tis the season' feeling
Kind of guy (kind of guy)

This time of year sucks
So I take my numchucks
And make sure every snowman dies

Believeing in Santa's all wrong
And Chaunaka's eight days too long
I hate love, I hate you, I hate me
I hate love, I hate you, I hate me

Can You Pass The Beats Please?
Here Ya Go
Thanks
Hey Mom, Guess What?
I Got Invited To Party Tonight,
And I'm Gunna Go If Thats Ok With You
NOOOOOO!!!
Why Not Mom?
Yeah, Why Mom, He Should Go
It'll Be Fun
I'll Get To Meet New People
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
Oh Mom
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
Don't Worry Brad
Hey Mom, I Saw This Great Skirt
At The Mall Today But It Was 34 Dollars
Which Isn't That High Of A Price
But I Was Nervious To Buy It
What Do You Think?
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Really?
I Really Like It
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
Oh Mom, Who Is?
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
Mom Your So Parranoid
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Hey Mom, I Have To Get Up Pretty Early Tomarrow
For Little League Try-Outs
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Yeah, I Have To Be At The Field At 9 O' Clock
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
Do You Think You Can Drop Me Off Tomarrow
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
How Am I Gunna Get There?
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
I'll Walk I Guess
NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Mom, Can You Pass The Salad Dressing?
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Please
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Come On Mom
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I'll Get It For You Cindy
Thanks Brad
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
Thanks For The Tip Mom
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
Hey Everyone, Let's Just Go Out For Ice Cream
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Why Are We Eating Inside?
It's A Beautiful Night
We Need To Get Out More
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Mother, Brad Is Right
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
We Should Go Out, It'll Be Fun
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Yes, Comeon, Let's Go
I Could Go For Some Maple Walnuts
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
Yeah, We Haven't Gone Out Togather In A Long Time
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
You Wanna Go Dave?
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
No, I'll Hang Out With Mom
Ya Sure?
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
Yeah, Go Without Me
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
How Are Ya Mom?
Great Meal Tonight
Sure Is
Ya Sure Know How To Cook
Boy O Boy
Your Quite A Lady
Say Mom, Can I Go Cannuing Next Weekend With My Friend
Barry
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Please
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
Mom, Your Over Reacting
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
Why Are You Over Protective?
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
Mom, I'm Going To The Ice Cream Place
Your Just So Set In Your Ways
It Drives Me Crazy
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT YOU!!!
THEY'RE ALL GUNNA LAUGH AT HIM!!!

A wont a you a dance wit me at the annual all star a banquet
A will a feel so fancy free at the annual all star a banquet
Everyone in town will be lookin their best,
Even Mrs. Selman with the one extra breast.
Its a kind of a nite when ur feet match
When u feel nearly 5 foot 3!
They'll laugh and they'll dance and they'll pee in their pants
Cuz there's a patch at the all star a banquet waiting for me!

Davey: It all seemed so long ago
Jennifer: Young and happy don't you know
Davey: Down by the creek I would show fireflies to that girl.
Jennifer: But that was back when he was nice
Davey: Before my warm heart turned to ice
Whitey: My sister's wig once had lice
Jennifer: But that was long ago
Davey: The schoolyard's where we were, the first time I kissed her.
Jennifer: He thought he got some tongue
Davey: But it was only retainer
Whitey: Eleanore's bra is a trainer
Davey: Well over theres my family home
Jennifer: And the woods we used to roam
Whitey: The only time I had sex was on the phone
Phone sex lady: But that was long ago
Davey: I carved our names upon that tree
Jennifer: I loved him and he loved me
Man: My darling wife was once a he
Man's 'darling' wife: But that was long ago
Jennifer: He'd always whisper in my ear
Davey: But then I started drinkin' beer
Whitey: My jewels got licked by six frisky deer
*Deers giggle*
Jennifer: Now he's just a loner and a lier
Davey: And my trailor's caught on fire
fire!?

Thanks to Julie James for submitting the lyrics

Look you got to understand it's just been me and élan over 67 years
So she gets nervous around strangers
I wouldn't show that picture to any one, or they might try to take you 2 guys back to the laboratory
UHHH....
Listen we got rules in this house, and you better follow them or you'll find yourself out of here,
Ya ya ya
This might be harder then I thought

If you're coming from street, with dirty shoes on your feet
That's a technical foul
If you switch the radio, to some un-music show
That's a technical foul
If you don't shut the door, after using the fridge-er-a-tor
That's a technical foul, A technical foul

If you touch the thermostat, you'll get hit with a bat
Cause that's a technical foul (You'll feel my wrath)
If your hair clogs the drain, (you'll know the meaning of pain)
Cause that's a technical foul (I'll show you no mercy)
Ohh... this is such bull shita
Hey... In this house we say bull stick
Or it's a technical foul, A technical foul

Let me get this straight, you expect me to change my entire life style in one night, because you guys are a couple of psychotic control freaks!

YOU GOT IT BUB.
OR YOU CAN NO LONG MAGOTAL OR SUB WITH YOUR YANKIDOODLE.

Well I don't want to do that, but let me run a few questions by you so I don't screw up accidentally.

If I don't spray Lysol, after moving a bowl,
That's a technical foul.
Okay!
If I decide to wash my ass with your monogram towel,
That's a technical foul.
Wait say Hieney.
If I make fun of your crazy feeties,
Or give sugar cookies to Mrs. Diabetes,
That's not a leer technical foul.
Or possibly a homicide...

Can I sleep past three?
If you do that you'll get a "T"
Take a wiz in those flowers?
Ill say hit the showers.
Use this horn as a bong,
Adios Tommy Charm.
Make some long distance calls,
You'll get a kick in the balls! (OOPS )
Can I walk around with my morning erection?
If you want an automatic ejection,
Cause that's a technical foul.

BUT ID LIKE TO SEE IT ANY WAY (JUST KIDDIN)

There are certain rules which your plaints ones life
With your sister, friends or imaginary wife
(I can't believe I haven't killed myself) - (Adam Sandler)
Respect carries over with me on the court
(Here with wig's Maggie, and a fury elf) - (Adam Sandler)
Whether you choose diabetic or especially short
(She's ironic and he's a troll) - (Adam Sandler)
I see she's strange in my royal carry; my imaginary wife is short and hairy
((They took my wig; I remember the look in their eyes)) - (élan)
(How did my life get stuck in this shit hole?) - (Adam Sandler)
((Why o why wont someone retrieve my wig wig wig)) - (élan)
(Guess I have to deal with your demands, but please don't touch me with your alien hands) - (Adam Sandler)

I got no right to growl
The whistle witch is on the prowl
Without my wig, I look like an owl Boo Hoo Hoo
(O MY GOD)
Don't listen to him

OR IT'S A TECHNICAL FOUL x 3

Thanks to Julie James for submitting the lyrics

Davey:
Tommy, nothing personal, but Whitey Duval should've won the Patch
tonight, and you people are crazy for not realizing that.

Tommy:
Why would we give Whitey Duval the Patch? So he could use it as a
blanket? *laughter*

Davey:
That's the reaction I thought I'd get...

Everyone in this room has been associated with Whitey, either through
basketball, or the mall, or various odd jobs he does around town for
free or at most a dollaaaar

And I'm guessing 99% of you have either laughed in Whitey's face or
ruthlessly made fun of his feet, or voice, or sister, or shortness when
he wasn't looooooking

But the next time you see him he'd still go out of his way to smile and
wave at you and ask you about your mother's operation or something
like that, because he, unlike us, actually cares about someone other
than himseeeellf

The reason I bring this uuuup to you, is because IIIII was the worst
offender..... of all

My life was simply going no where,
Then a tiny little man rushed to my side,
He should've gotten a big "thankyou",
Instead he got a port-a-potty ride

I was such a shithead,
But he never quit on me,
'Til I told him he was useless,
And his sister was freaky

Some guy:
Once when we were watching Sunday Football,
A fuzzy screen was all that we could see,
Whitey came over with a hanger,
And spent the game on top of a TV

And when the lightning struck him, (Aaiii!)
He let out a wicked-loud yell (Eeeeee)
But we just turned up the volume,
And ignored the burning smell,
We should all rot in hell!

Old Lady:
I went to highschool with Whitey,
As a joke I told him to meet me at the prom,
When he got there I said "I can't believe you thought I was serious,"
So he ran home crying and slow-danced with his mom

Davey:
What a crushing blow to Whitey,
I bet you wish you could take it back,

Chinese guy:
How could all be so mean to Whitey?
Sound to me like you are all on crack!

Jennifer:
Tonight Whitey was counting on this town,
To show him that we care,
But the first time he really needed us,
We weren't there-----
(Benjamin: And on Christmas Eve and the last night of Chanukah)
Davey: It's just not faaair

Police officer:
Bum bitty bitty bitty bum bum,
Bum bitty bitty bitty bum
(x2) (Second time Chinese guy joins in)

Davey: I wonder if that guy ever wiped his ass with the wrong haaand

Tommy: Yes ..........

Everyone:
Bum bitty bitty bitty bum bum,
Bum bitty bitty bitty bum
(repeat to end)

Thanks to Julie James for submitting the lyrics

Everyone in this room has been associated with Whitey
either through basketball or the mall or various odd
jobs he does around town for free or at most a dollar
And I'm guessing 99% of you have either laughed in Whitey's
face or ruthlessly made fun of his feet or voice or sister
or shortness when he wasn't looking
But the next time you'd see him he'd still go out of his way to
smile and wave at you and ask you about your mother's
operation or something like that because he, unlike us,
actually cares about someone other than himself

The reason I bring this up to you is because I was the worst
offender of all
My life was simply going nowhere
Then a tiny little man rushed to my side
He should've gotten a big thank you
Instead he got a Porta-Potti ride

I was such a s***head
But he never quit on me
'Til I told him he was useless
And his sister was freaky
Once when we were watching Sunday football
A fuzzy screen was all that we could see
Whitey came over with a hanger
And spent the game atop our T.V.

And when the lightning struck him
He let out a wicked, loud yell
But we just turned up the volume
And ignored the burning smell
We should all rot in hell

I went to high school with Whitey
As a joke I told him to meet me at the prom
When he got there, I said: "I can't believe you though I was
serious."
So he ran home crying and slow-danced with his Mom

What a crushing blow to Whitey
I bet you wish you could take it back
How could you all be so mean to Whitey?
Sounds to me like you are all on crack
Tonight Whitey was counting on this town to show that we care
But the first time he really needed us we weren't there

And on Christmas Eve and the last night of Chanukah
It's just not fair
["um, biddy, bum" repeatedly]

Thanks to Julie James for submitting the lyrics

"Chanukah is
the festival of lights;
One day of presents?
Hell no, we get the eight crazy nights!
But if you still feel like the only kid in town
without a Christmas tree,
I guess my first two songs didn't do it for you,
so here comes number three!

Ross and Phoebe from "Friends"
say the Chanukah blessing,
So does Lenny's pal Squiggy and "Will and Grace"'s Debra Messing!
Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mixed meat with dairy,
Maybe they should have called that show
"Little Kosher House on the Prairie"!
We got Jerry Lewis,
Ben Stiller, and Jack Black,
Tom Arnold converted to Judaism,
but you guys can have him back!
(Just kidding, Tommy!.)

We may not get to kiss
underneath the mistletoe,
But we can do it all night long
with Deuce Bigalow!

Rob Schneider: I'm Jewish!?!?!

Adam Sandler: Oh my God. Sweet Robbie Schneider is here!

Drei-Dels: Put on your yarmulke, here comes Chanukah...

Rob Schneider: "The guy in Willie Nelson's band who plays harmonica celebrates Chanukah!

Adam Sandler: Aww. Good job buddy. Get going.

"Osama bin Laden...

The Driedels: BOO!

Adam Sandler: "Not a big fan of the Jews!
Well maybe that's because he lost the figure skating match
to gold medalist Sarah Hughes!
(Her mama's Jewish.)
Houdini and David Blaine escape straightjackets
with such precision,
but one thing they could not get out of...
Their painful circumcision!
Gwyneth Paltrow's half-Jewish,
But a full-time Oscar winner,
Jennifer Connelly's half-Jewish too,
And I'd like to put more in her! Whoo!
There's Lou Reed, Perry Farrell,
Beck, and Paula Abdul,
Joey Ramone invented punk rock music,
but first came Hebrew school!
Hey!

Natalie Portmanika
It's time to celebrate Chanukah,
I hope I get an Abtronica
On this joyful, toyful Chanukah,
So get a high colonika
And soil your long-johnnakahs
If you really, really wannakah,
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy,
happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah!"

Thanks to Julie James for submitting the lyrics

This is a song, that uh,
Theres a lot of Christmas songs out there,
But not too many about Chanukah,
So I wrote a song for all those nice little
Jewish kids who dont get to hear any Chanukah songs,
Here we go...

Put on your yarmulke, here comes Chanukah
Its so much fun-akkah to celebrate Chanukah,

Chanukah is the Festival of Lights,
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights.

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree,
Heres a list of people who are Jewish, just like you and me:

David Lee Roth lights the menorrah,
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the Karnickey Deli,
Bowzer from Sha-na-na, and Arthur Fonzerrelli.

Paul Newman's half Jewish; Goldie Hawn's half too,
Put them together, what a fine lookin Jew!

You dont need Deck the Halls or Jingle Bell Rock
Cause you can spin a dreidle with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, both Jewish!

Put on your yarmulke, its time for Chanukah,
The owner of the Seattle Supersonic-ahs celebrates Chanukah.

O.J. Simpson, not a Jew!
But guess who is...Hall of Famer, Rod Carew, (he converted!)

We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby,
Harrison Ford' a quarter Jewish, not too shabby!

Some people think that Ebeneezer Scrooge is,
Well, hes not, but guess who is: All three stooges.

So many Jews are in show biz,
Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is.

Tell your friend Veronica, its time you celebrate Chanukah
I hope I get a harmonica, on this lovely, lovely Chanukah.

So drink your gin-and-tonic-ah, and smoke your marijuan-ikah,
If you really, really wanna-kah,
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah

Thanks to Julie James for submitting the lyrics

Put on your yarmulke
Its time for Chanukah
So much funnaka
To celebrate Chanukah

Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We get eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here's a new list of people who are Jewish
Just like you and me

Winona Ryder,
Drinks Manischewitz wine
Then spins a draydle with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein

Guess who gives and receives
Loads of Chanukah toys
The girls from Veruca Salt and all three Beastie Boys

Lenny Kravitz is half Jewish,
Courtney Love is half too
Put them together
What a funky bad ass Jew

We got Harvey Keitel
And flash dancer Jennifer Beals
Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish
And yes her boobs are real

Put on your yarmulka
Its time for Chanukah
2 time Ocsar winning Dustin Hoffmanaka
celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson
Still not a Jew
But guess who is,
The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo

Bob Dylan was born a Jew
Then he wasn't
but now he's back,
Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish
'Cause we're pretty good in the sack.

Guess who got bar-mitzvahed
On the PGA tour
No I'm not talking about Tiger Woods
I'm talkin' about Mr. Happy Gilmore.

So many Jews are in the show biz
Bruce Springsteen isn't
But my mother thinks he is.

Tell the world-amanaka
It's time for Chanukah
It's not pronounced Ch-nakah
The C is silent in Chanukah
So get your hooked on phonica
Get drunk in Tijuanaka
If you really really wannaka
Have a happy happy happy happy Chanukah!