Five Guys Named Moe

Early in the Morning .......... Dig Wayne

Brother Beware .......... Kenny Andrews

I Like 'Em Fat Like That .......... Paul J. Medford

Messy Bessy

Pettin' and Pokin'

Life Is So Peculiar

I Know What I've Got .......... Dig Wayne

Azure Te

Safe, Sane and Single

Push Ka Pi Shee Pie .......... Omar Okai

Saturday Night Fish Fry .......... Paul J. Medford

What's the Use of Getting Sober (When You're Gonna Get Drunk Again)? .......... Kenny Andrews

If I Had Any Sense I'd Go Back Home .......... Dig Wayne

Dad Gum Your Hide Boy / The Cabaret

Cabaret: Five Guys Named Moe / Let the Good Times Roll / Reet Petite and Go

Cal'donia .......... Kenny Andrews

There Ain't Nobody Here But Us Chickens .......... Clarke Peters

Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying .......... Omar Okai

Look Out Sister .......... Clarke Peters

Choo Choo Ch'Boogie .......... Paul J. Medford

Medley: Hurry Home / I Know What I've Got / Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Ba

Five Guys Named Moe (Reprise)

Band Play Out

NO MOE:

Let me tell you a story from way back,
truck on down and dig me, Jack,
there's Big Moe, little biddy Moe, four eyed Moe, No Moe,
Look at brother, look at brother, look at brother,
eat Moe!

ALL:
Who's the greatest band around,
makes the cats jump up and down,
who's the talk of rhythm town,
five guy's named Moe, that's us!

When they start to beat it out,
everybody jumps and shouts,
tell me who the critics all rave about,
five guys named Moe.

We came out of nowhere,
and that don't mean a thing,
we rate high and you'll know why,
when you hear us sing, sing, sing, sing, sing.

High brow, low brow, they all agree,
we're the best in harmony,
I'm telling you folks, you really ought to see,
five guys named Moe.

We came out of nowhere,
and that don't mean a thing,
we rate high and you'll know why,
when you hear us singngngngng,

We're the greatest band around,
make the cats jump up and down,
we're the talk of rhythm town,
five guy's named Moe.

Not one guy, No Moe,
Not two guys, little biddy Moe,
Not three guy's, four eyed Moe,
Not four guys, Big Moe,
But five guys, eat Moe,
Five little guys named Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe,
that's us!

It's early in the morning and I can't get right,
had a l'il date with my baby last night,
and now it's early, it's early in the morning,
it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

I went to all the places where she used to go,
even went to her house but she don't live there no more,
now it's early, it's early in the morning,
it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

I went to see a friend of hers but she was out,
knockin' on her mothers door and she began to shout,
get away from there boy don't you know what time it is?
it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

I went to Jenny Lou's to get me something to eat,
the waitress looked at me and said, "oh boy you sure look beat,"
I said "I don't see none of your lip on the menu,"
it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

It's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

If anybody asks me what about me and you,
I'm gonna tell them that I don't know what to do,
'coz it's early yes it's early in the morning,
it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

It's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

It's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

BIG MOE:
HEY FELLAS

ALL:
YES

BIG MOE:
Just you fellas, listen to me, because I've got somthing to
tell you, and I want you to hear every word.
And govern yourself accordingly.

Now you see these girls with these fine diamonds, and fox furs,
and fine clothes?

Well, Jack, they're looking for a husband, and you're listening
to a man who knows, that they ain't fooling.
And if you fool around with them you gonna be in for a schooling!

If she saves your dough and don't want to go to a show,

ALL:
Beware, brother beware.

BIG MOE:
Is she's easy to kiss and she don't resist,

ALL:
Beware, brother beware.

BIG MOE:
And when you go for a walk and she listens when you talk,
she's trying to hook you!
And when there ain't nobody looking,
she asks you to taste her cooking,
don't do it, don't do it.

ALL:
Don't do that, don't do it.

BIG MOE:
Now if you go to a show and she wants to sit in the back row,
bring her down front - bring her right down front,
you got that?

And if you want to go for a snack
and she wants to boop in the back,
watch it,
she's trying to hook you!

And listen,
if she's used to caviar and fine silk,
and when she goes out with you she wants a hotdog and a malted milk,
she's been used to going to Carnegie hall,
and when you take her night clubbing she wants to hear one meatball,
and she grabs your hand and says,
"Darlin', you're such a NICE man,"
beware, I'm tellin' ya what's been put down,

and you better pick up on it.

Now listen here,
if her sister calls you 'brother',
you better get further, I'm telling you,
you better get out of there,
and if she's acting kinda wild,
and says "Darlin', give me a trial,"
don't do it, don't be weak, don't give in to her,

And if she looks up in your face,
and just melts in to place, let her melt,
forget it!

You think they're payin' attention to me?
Should I tell them about the...should I...?
okay, I'm gonna tel them,

If she calls you on the phone,
and says "Darlin', are you all alone?"
no, no, no, you got three girls with you,
don't pay no attention to women,
stand up for your rights, you're a man, that's right!

Shoud I tell them about everything?

Ok, if you turn out the light, and she don't fight,
that's all, that's all, that's the end,
it's too late then, she got you hooked,
you might as well stick with her,
pay attention to me, because this is very important,
here we go baby...

If you're home about two,
and you don't know what to do,
you pull back the curtains,
the whole family's looking at you,
get your business straight, set the date,
and lord don't be late!

ALL:
So brother, beware,
brother you better beware, beware!

LITTLE MOE:
You know I like being surrounded by such voluptuosity,
such poultritude, to be mothered and smothered,
basted in sweet sumptuosness.

Let the cats all criticise,
joke about my baby's size,
she's reet with me because you see,
I likes 'em fat like that.

When she bounces down the street,
she's a whole heap of honey and ain't she sweet,
feels so fine to know that she is mine,
I likes 'em fat like that.

You can have all those lean chicks tender and tall,
but when it comes to mean kicks,
a big fat momma's the best of all,
after I get through working well I reach and grab my hat,
and I hurry home,
don't want her to be alone, coz
I likes 'em fat like that.

ALL:
Tell me why do you like them

LITTLE MOE:
More bounce to the ounce

ALL:
Say why do you like 'em?

LITTLE MOE:
More room to rump

ALL:
How big do you like 'em?

LITTLE MOE:
Tons of fun

ALL:
How wide do you like 'em?

LITTLE MOE:
Well, like that.

ALL:
So you like 'em like that.

LITTLE MOE:
Yeh, I'm a chubby chaser.

ALL:
Ooh, look at her go.

LITTLE MOE:
Don't try to run

ALL:
Ooh, it must be jelly, 'cos jam don't shake like that.

LITTLE MOE:
You can have all those lean chicks tender and tall,
but when it comes to mean kicks,
a big fat momma's the best of all,
after I get through working well I reach and grab my hat,
and I hurry home,
don't want her to be alone, coz
I likes 'em fat like that,
now thin may be in, but fat is where it's at!

LITTLE MOE:
Now I'm a very conservative fella,
and I don't go in for displays of emotion,
but I'm in love with a chick named Bessy,
and she cuts up whenever she takes the notion.

Now she ain't high class like I am,
So sometimes she gets carried away,
and that's when she starts to goofin' up,
and this is what you'll hear me say:

Don't get messy, Bessy,
keep your whiskey quiet,
when you had a couple of drinks, woman,
you just might start a riot,
don't get messy, Bessy,
you know what I'm talking about,
when your love comes a tumblin' down,
you wear a good man out.

Now when that whiskey moves you,
you start snappin' your fingers,
and shoutin' out loud,
you start shakin' an' quakin',
an' whoopin' an hollerin',
you talk so loud you draw a crowd,
so don't get messy, Bessy,
try to play it cool,
coz you just wait til I get you home mama,
and I'll get messy too.

Now when that whiskey moves you,
you start snappin' your fingers,
and shoutin' out loud,
you start shakin' an' quakin',
an' whoopin' an hollerin',
you talk so loud you draw a crowd.

Now don't get messy, Bessy,
try to play it cool,
coz you wait til I get you home mama,
and I'll get messy too.
One more time,
you just wait till I get you home mama,
and I'll get messy too.
say you just wait till I get you home mama,
and I'll get messy too.
You better straighten up and fly right woman!

BIG MOE:
I'm gonna tell you a story about Jack and Jill,
and I don't mean the couple that went up the hill,
I mean a couple of lovers that live next door,
they're always battlin'
and I'm just tryin' to keep score.

They keep a pettin' and pokin' and jabbin' and jokin'
and coolin' and crackin' and wooin' and whackin'
and neckin' and knockin' and and singin' and sockin'
squawkin' and squeezin' burnin' and freezin'.

EAT MOE:
He holds her hand for as long as he's able,
but when he let's go she bops him with the table.

ALL:
Bop.

EAT MOE:
A pattin' and a pinchin'
and clobberin' and clinchin'
they enjoying themselves, having a good time.

LITTLE MOE:
They were havin' a time

ALL:
Everybody had a time, they had a real good time,

LITTLE MOE:
They were havin' a time

ALL:
Everybody had a time, they had a real good time,

LITTLE MOE:
Good time

FOUR EYED MOE:
Now Reverand Green thought he'd call one day,
on those nice newly-weds across the way,
but just as the pastor knocked on the door,
a straight right connected him and he hit the floor.

LITTLE MOE:
Say what?

FOUR EYED MOE:
They were pittin' and poppin'
they were bangin' and boppin' coolin' and kissin'
they were hittin' and missin'
groovin' and grievin' and lovin' and leavin
kickin' and cracklin' and ticklin' and and tacklin'

LITTLE MOE:
They were havin' a time

ALL:
Everybody had a time, they had a real good time.

LITTLE MOE:
Yeah, good time

NO MOE:
Once a lion escaped from the ciruc train,
he strayed in Jack and kills domain,
just then they got in a towerin' rage,
the lion took one look and jumped back in his cage.

Swattin' and swingin' and plottin' and playin',
stompin' and stampin' and groovin' and grabbin',
they kept dancin' and duckin', trippin' and truckin',
plottin' and pleadin' and bangin' and bleddin'.

LITTLE MOE:
Well ma Momma said, I'll go right in there and fetch her,
bit lord Momma came out ridin' on a stretcher,
feintin' and foldin' hittin' and holdin',
they were in love, havin' a good time.

ALL MOES:
Ain't married life wonderful!

EAT MOE:
You know,
life is so peculiar,
you get so wet in the rain,
you get so warm in the sunshine,
it doesn't pay to complain.

Now when I sit down to breakfast,
there is nothing to eat but food,
life is so peculiar,
but you can't stay home and brood.

ALL:
Life is so peculiar,
that's what everybody says,
life is so peculiar,
so don't let anybody fool ya.

EAT MOE:
Yes, life is so peculiar,
a fork belongs with a knife,
corn beef is lost without cabbage,
every husband should have a wife.

Now when I go out to dinner,
there is nothing to wear but clothes,
whenever I feel sleepy,
there is nothing to do but doze.

ALL:
Oh, life is so peculiar,
that's what everybody says,
life is so peculiar,
so don't let anybody fool ya.

NOMAX:
Well when I get tired of sitting,
theres nothing to do but walk

EAT MOE:
Walk on

NOMAX:
When I don't wanna listen,
theres nothing to do but talk

EAT MOE:
Talk too much

NOMAX:
Whenever I get thirsty
theres nothing to do but drink

ALL:
Oh oh..

NOMAX:
Life is so peculiar
that it makes you stop and think

ALL:
Yes, life is so peculiar,
that's what everybody says,
life is so peculiar,
so dont let anybody fool ya.

Life is so peculiar,
that's what everybody says,
life is so peculiar,
so dont let anybody fool ya.

That's life,That's life,
That's life,That's life!

NOMAX:
Sometimes she treats me fine
then gets way out of line
but still in all I'm sticking like glue
coz I know what I've got
but I dont know what I'm getting
so baby I'm with you.

I thought I'd try to switch
and find me someone rich
but told myself how big could I get
coz I know what I've got
but I dont know what I'm getting
so baby I'm all set.

My friends say i could do a lot better
if this keeps up I'll soon need a nurse
I know I can't do any better
but believe me I could do a lot worse.

Let's have it understood
it's you and me for good
and anyone that doubts it's gotta go
coz I know what I've got
but I dont know what I'm getting
here's domething you should know.

Well I forgot to tell her
that I love her do

FOUR EYED MOE:

Gone and got the blues in Paris
Paris blues called Azure te
How could I be blue in Paris?
Easy, coz she's far away
can't lose these blues, this Azure te

Sidewalk tables are filled with people
always happy, always gay
still I'm alone, alone in Paris
praying she'll come back to stay
can't lose those blues, this Azure te

can't lose those blues, this Azure te

If you knew how much I need you
you'd come back to me and stay
I need you with me in Paris
really is the only way
to lose these blues, this Azure te

Ah, must lose those blues,
this azure te
must lose these blues,
this azure te
can't lose these blues,
this azure te.

EAT MOE:
A woman is the sweetest thing
on that we all agree
but when she gets the wedding band
a mans no longer free

That's why I'm safe, sane and single
I'm on my merry way
Yes I'm safe, sane and single
that's how I'm gonna stay

LITTLE MOE:
A wife and husband came upon
the parting of their ways
the judge gave her the bank account
and gave him 90 days

That's why I'm safe, sane and single
I'm on my merry way
Yes I'm safe, sane and single
that's how I'm gonna stay

BIG MOE:
A friend of mine got married
to a gal named Nellie Gray
she pawned his watch then sold his car
and gave his clothes away

That's why I'm safe, sane and single
I'm on my merry way
Yes I'm safe, sane and single
that's how I'm gonna stay

NO MOE:
I met a gal in Birmingham
and thereby hangs a tale
she had a husband doing time
another out on bail

That's why I'm safe, sane and single
I'm on my merry way
Yes I'm safe, sane and single
that's how I'm gonna stay

NOMAX:
Ha, ha ,ha, I got one

I courted a gal for 15 years
her Pa said we should wed
if my horse could only cook
I'd marry him instead

ALL:
That's why I'm safe, sane and single
I'm on my merry way
Yes I'm safe, sane and single
that's how I'm gonna stay

Thank God I'm safe, Thank God I'm safe,
Yes I'm safe, sane and single
that how I'm gonna stay
Thank God I'm safe, Thank God I'm safe,
Yes I'm safe, sane and single
that how I'm gonna stay!
Thank God I'm safe, Thank God I'm safe,
Yes I'm safe, sane and single
that how I'm gonna stay!

NO MOE:
Now you got that?

FOUR EYED MOE:
Saigo boy from Fyzabad
a little town in Trinidad
took a plane to New York town
he dressed up like a circus clown
with the tenor sax in hand
say he maestro of a band
ask him what's the latest thing
Saigo boy begin to sinh:

ALL:
Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
oobli aayee eye yay abla
it's the new calypso bop

EAT MOE:
Saigo met a girl in town
she said she would show him round
he said "It's a privilege"
so she sold him the Brooklyn bridge
then she took him to a show
they land up in the last row
saigo ask her for a kiss
but all she said to him was this:

ALL:
Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
oobli aayee eye yay abla
it's the new calypso bop

FOUR EYED MOE:
Saigo asked to take her home
thinking that she live alone
but when Saigo reach the door
this is what poor Saigo saw

A shadow of a great big man
something shining in his hand
he no wait to say goodbye
and as he ran i heard him cry

Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
oobli aayee eye yay abla
it's the new calypso bop

EAT MOE:
Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
oobli aayee eye yay abla
it's the new calypso bop

This here push ka pi shi pie
makes me laugh until I cry
funny thing is that it seems

ALL:
No one knows just what it means

Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
oobli aayee eye yay abla
it's the new calypso bop

Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
oobli aayee eye yay abla
it's the new calypso bop
[etc]

LITTLE MOE:
If you ever been down to New Orleans
then you can understand just what I mean,
all through the week it's as quiet as a mouse
but on a saturday night they go from house to house
you don't have to pay the usual admission
if you're a cook, a waiter or a good musician
so if you happen to to be just passin' by
stop in at the saturday night fish fry.

ALL:
it was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Sing it fellas

ALL:
it was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
See they know what I'm talkin' about

ALL:
You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
'til the break of dawn.

LITTLE MOE:
Real southern hospitality

ALL:
it was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Oh yeah yeah

ALL:
it was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Havin' a real good time

ALL:
You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
'til the break of dawn.

LITTLE MOE:
Now my buddy and me we fell right in
and we hollered "Let the joy begin"
we knew this was the right place to play
coz the party was already under way
but all of a sudden the lights went low
and everybody made straight for the front door
man, I was scared I didn't know where to go
so I stood right there then I fell on the floor.

ALL:
it was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Oh yeah yeah

ALL:
it was a rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Havin' a real good time

ALL:
You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
'til the break of dawn.

ALL:
it was a rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Hit the road jack

ALL:
it was a rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Don't hurry back

ALL:
You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
'til the break of dawn.

LITTLE MOE:
Now the women was screamin' and jumpin' and yellin'
the bottles was flyin' and the fish was smellin'
and way up above all the noise they made
somebody hollered

BIG MOE:
"Better get outta here, it's a raid!"

LITTLE MOE:
I didn't know we was breakin' the law
but somebody reached up and hit me on the jaw
they had us blocked off from the front to the back
and they were puttin' them in the wagon like potato sacks.

ALL:
It was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Oh yeah yeah

ALL:
It was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Havin a real good time

ALL:
You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
'til the break of dawn.

ALL:
it was a rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Hit the road jack

ALL:
it was a rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Don't hurry back

ALL:
You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
'til the break of dawn.

LITTLE MOE:
I knew I could get away if I had a chance
but I was shakin' like I had the saint Vitus dance
I tried to crawl up underneath a bathtub
but a policeman said

BIG MOE:
"Where you going now bud?"

LITTLE MOE:
They got us out of there like a house on fire
and put us all in that black Maria
they might have missed a pitiful few
but they got both me and my buddy too

ALL:
It was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Oh yeah yeah

ALL:
It was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Havin a real good time

ALL:
You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
'til the break of dawn.

ALL:
it was a rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Hit the road jack

ALL:
it was a rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Don't hurry back

ALL:
You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
'til the break of dawn.

LITTLE MOE:
We headed for the jail in a dazed condition
they booked each one of us on suspicion
my chick came down and went my bail
and finally got me outta that rotten jail
so if you ever want to get a fist in your eye
just mention a saturday night fish fry
I don't care how many fish in the sea
but don't ever mention fish to me!

ALL:
It was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Oh yeah yeah

ALL:
It was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Havin a real good time

ALL:
You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
'til the break of dawn.

ALL:
It was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Oh yeah yeah

ALL:
It was rockin'

LITTLE MOE:
Havin a real good time

ALL:
You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
'til the break of dawn.

So if you ever get down to New Orleans
come down to the saturday night fish fry

If you ever get down to New Orleans
come down to the saturday night fish fry

If you ever get down to New Orleans
come down to the saturday night fish fry

If you ever get down to New Orleans
come down to the saturday night fish fry

Oh yehhhh!

NOMAX:
You know Big Moe, I need a fresh drink

BIG MOE:
Nomax, you're making a very serious mistake here

NOMAX:
How you figured

BIG MOE:
You oughta listen to your friend Big Moe

NOMAX:
I'm listenin'

BIG MOE:
And stop drinkin so much

NOMAX:
I don't drink that much

BIG MOE:
Shut up boy, you drink all day and you drink all night
now Max you know that aint right

NOMAX:
Let me explain

BIG MOE:
Shut up boy, your eyes are as red as they can be

NOMAX:
That ok, I've got some sunglasses somewhere

BIG MOE:
And it looks to Big moe you're about
to blow your wig

NOMAX:
Now I'm not gonna blow my wig

BIG MOE:
When you gonna learn boy?
What's the use of gettin sober
when you're gonna get drunk again

NOMAX:
Exactly
you know, old sam did something mighty fine
when he brought back good whiskey, beer and wine
because I love my whiskey and I love my gin
every time you see me I'll be in the sin

BIG MOE:
Don't you think you already deep enough in sin?
When you gonna learn Max?
What's the use of gettin sober
when you're gonna get drunk again

NOMAX:
Hey you know Big Moe
I went out last night about half past one
I thought I'd whoop it up a little bit, you know,
have me some fun

BIG MOE:
I understand

NOMAX:
So I got me a half a pint about half past two
Now after I drank that you know what I wanted to do

BIG MOE:
Sleep

NOMAX:
Uh, uh, then I got me a pint about half past four
now after i drank that I just wanted some more
so then I got me a quart

BIG MOE:
Oh a quart

NOMAX:
Yes about half past five
now after I drank that,
ooh, I didn't know if I was dead or alive

BIG MOE:
I think more dead than alive
When you gonna learn Max?
What's the use of gettin sober
when you're gonna get drunk again
God I hope this boy learns, lord have mercy

NOMAX:
I been thinkin', but I keep drinkin',
and I'm just about to lose my mind.

NOMAX:
I remember the day I caught the train
I was standin' out at the railway crossin',
soakin wet with rain
fortune and fame is not for me
and all those pretty stories ain't what they're
cooked up to be,
every move I made was wrong,
if I had any sense I'd go back home
well my mother was cryin', my father had
an aching heart.
He said, son, please don't let us part,
my sweetheart stood cryin', I cried a little bit too,
but I didn't have the will to stop,
I had to do what i had to do.

Every move I made was wrong,
if I had any sense I'd go back home,
my baby wrote me a letter saying come back to my side,
but I can't go back now 'coz I got too much pride
I'm havin' so much trouble I don't know what to do,
there's nothing but my mother and father's prayers
to see me through,
I stayed away too long,
if I had any sense I'd go back home.

NO MOE &
LITTLE MOE:
Hey, dad gum your hide boy
dad gum your dirty hide
dad gum you dirty dog, I gave you a pig
and you wanted a hog.

EAT MOE:
I took you in when you were beat
you were almost dead
I gave you some good food to eat
and a place to rest your head
I even let you wear my brand new suit
let you wear my new shoes
and when you asked me for money
I never did refuse
look at him laughing

LITTLE MOE &
NO MOE:
dad gum your hide boy
dad gum your dirty hide
dad gum you dirty dog, I gave you a pig
and you wanted a hog.

LITTLE MOE:
Yeah, then you met my baby
who is the apple of my heart
well I could tell from the way you looked at her
that trouble was bound to start
'coz you started in with all your jivin'
you made her think the moon was green
well you know Daddy I think
you are the mose convincingest fellah I have ever seen.

ALL:
dad gum your hide boy
dad gum your dirty hide
dad gum you dirty dog, I gave you a pig
and you wanted a hog.

NO MOE:
I thought he was my buddy
I thought he was my pal
hah! He did me out of all my money
and then he tries to steal my gal
but one of these days I'm gonna get even
but in the meantime I hope he takes another drink
stands up and drops dead

ALL:
dad gum your hide boy
dad gum your dirty hide
dad gum you dirty dog, I gave you a pig
and you wanted a hog.

EAT MOE:
Yes and you cam into my house
and you ate my spaghetti and meatballs
you wore my brand new suit
and you wore my brand new shoes
you beat me out of all my money, and you stole my wife,
and boy I'm telling you nobody, but nobody eats my food,
listen I should get you a short stick boy
and beat you so bad
I'm angry now, somebody hold me back,
I mean it, boy am I angry, somebody hold me back,
hold me back, I mean it, somebody hold me back.

Five Guys Named Moe (The Cabaret)

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen. the funky butt club is proud to
present that sepia symphonette, those crooning cavaliers,
those soulful seraphs of song
those five guys named Moe!

ALL:
We're the greatest band around
make the cats jump up and down
we're the talk of rhythm town
five guys named Moe, that's us!

Let The Good Times Roll

NO MOE:
Ohh, hey everybody

ALL:
Yeah

NO MOE:
Let's have some fun

ALL:
Alright

NO MOE:
You only live once
but when you're dead you're done
so let the good times roll

ALL:
let the good times roll

NO MOE:
let the good times roll

ALL:
let the good times roll

NO MOE:
Don't mind if you're young or old

ALL:
let the good times roll

Reet Petite And Gone

NO MOE:
I found a girl who beat's them all
she isn't too short and she isn't too tall
she's in the groove and right on the ball
she's reet, petite and gone.

What a babe, she's the tops
when we go out they don't need no traffic cops
one look at her and traffic stops
she's reet, petite and gone.

I could have my pick you know
'coz i got dough ready to go
this chick's so mighty fine
she's got me all tied up like a ball of twine
when I do things I do 'em right
I'll never let her out of my sight
we'll tie the knot and tie it tight
she's reet petite and gone.

That chick has changed my attitude
whenever i gaze on her poultritude
I'm telling ya Jack, she's mighty fine
got me all tied up like a ball of twine
those other chicks leave me cold
you can't compare brass with 14 carat gold
after they made her they broke the mould
she's reet, petite and gone.

She's reet, petite, neat, so sweet

ALL:
Reet, petite, neat, sweet and gone.

BIG MOE:
Alright ya know this song
when I shout "Cal'donia" you shout "What".
Then when I say "What makes your big head so hard", you lift
your arms up in the air and shout "Mop" got that? let's go baby.

Walking with my baby she's got great big feet,
she's long and lean and lanky, and ain't had nothing to eat,
she's my baby and I love her just the same
I'm crazy 'bout that woman, Cal'donia is her name.
Here we go, Cal'donia

AUDIENCE:
What?

BIG MOE:
Cal'donia

AUD:
What?

BIG MOE:
What makes your big head so hard?

AUD:
Mop

BIG MOE:
I love you baby just the same
I'm crazy 'bout that woman, Cal'donia is her name
know what, my Momma called me up and she said
"Son this woman called Cal'donia who you
so in love with, all she gonna do is break your heart
and take your money", but you see Mama
don't know what Cal'donia was putting down but I tell
you what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna go over to her house
and this is what I'm gonna say,
Cal'donia

AUD:
What

BIG MOE:
Cal'donia

AUD:
What?

BIG MOE:
What makes your big head so hard?

AUD:
Mop

BIG MOE:
I love you baby just the same
I'm crazy 'bout that woman, Cal'donia is her name yeah
let's go
Cal'donia

AUD:
What?

BIG MOE:
Cal'donia

AUD:
What?

BIG MOE:
What makes your big head so hard?

AUD:
Mop

BIG MOE:
I love you baby just the same
I'm crazy 'bout that woman, Cal'donia is her name
let's do it again
Cal'donia

AUD:
What?

BIG MOE:
Cal'donia

AUD:
What?

BIG MOE:
What makes your big head so hard?

AUD:
Mop

BIG MOE:
I love you just the same, yeah
I'm crazy 'bout this woman, Cal'donia is her name
said I'm crazy 'bout the woman, Cal'donia is her name

NO MOE:
OK folks here's a little story just for you
now one night Farmer brown was takin' the air
he locked up the farmyard with the greatest of care
but down in the hen-house something stirred
and when he shouted 'Whos there?"
this is what he heard

FOUR EYED MOE:
There ain't nobody here but us chickens
There ain't nobody here at all
so quiet yourself and stop that fuss
there ain't nobody here but us
we chickens tryin' to sleep, and you butt in
and hobble hobble hobble hobble it's a sin

NO MOE:
Now Farmer brown lit his corn cobbed pipe
he looked down at his trusty dog
and he said, "Hey id the chickens said they alright
they are alright.
Let's head back to the shack Jack". But the dog wasn't
convinced, he said "Go back to the henhouse" gave a
little doggy knock and in his best chickenese said
"Is everything alright?"

FOUR EYED MOE:
I said there ain't nobody here but us chickens
There ain't nobody here at all
you're stompin' around and checkin' around
and kickin' up an awful fuss
we chickens tryin' to sleep, and you butt in
and hobble hobble hobble hobble it's a sin

NO MOE:
"Ok, ok, ok," said the dog and he turned to leave
just then a very unchicken like sneeze came
from the henhouse "Achoo!"
Farmer Brown cocked his gun, he syas "I'm a comin' in,
you better open that door just a teeny weeny
bit so I can take a peek"

FOUR EYED MOE:
NO! Tomorrow is a busy day
we got things to do, we got eggs to lay,
ground to dig, we've got worms to scratch,
you know it takes a lot of sittin' gettin' chicks to hatch
besides - there aint nobody here but us chickens
there ain't nobody here at all
so stop that fuss and raisin' dust
hey there ain't nobody here but us
so kindly point that gun the other way
and hobble hobble hobble off and hit the hay.

NO MOE:
Okay, I guess you're right, I'm off
to sleep. Goddnight.
Hey Boss man, what d'ya think?

FOUR EYED MOE:
Easy pickin's, ain't nobody here but us chickens.

EAT MOE:
Don't let the sun catch you cryin'
cryin' round my front door
you done your baby so dirty
that's why she don't want you no more

and don't let the sun catch you lyin'
lyin' round my front door
your baby done gone and turned salty
and you know you made her do so.

You can cry, cry, cry
I know that you know how to wail
and you can beat your head on the pavement
until the man comes and throws you in jail.

but don't let the sun catch you cryin'
cryin' round my front door
you done your baby so dirty
that's why she don't want you no more.

Cry, and wail
and you can beat your head on the pavement
until the man comes and throws you in jail,
but don't let the sun catch you cryin'
cryin' round my front door

Oh when the moon goes down
in the dawnin',
and the sun comes up in the mornin',
don't let the sun catch you cryin'
when the moon goes down in the dawnin',
don't let the sun catch you cryin',
coz baby don't want you no more,
no more,
no more.

FOUR EYED MOE:
Ladies I'd like to talk to you for just about two minutes.
Now you can turn me off if you want to but what I've got
to say is for your benefit and no-one else. Now we heard what
Big Moe had to say to the brothers but I'm goin' to tell you
straight up that fellas these days ain't no good.

LITTLE MOE:
Stool pigeon, stool pigeon

FOUR EYED MOE:
What you mean stool pigeon. You see that's what I mean,
listen stick around girls
don't be no clown, and please pick up on what I put down.

If he drives you to the beach
and he starts to reach,
look out, sister look out

If he says you look fetchin'
and wants to go show you his etchin's,
don't go up there, you better not go up there.

And if he says you know you look good in a sweater,
go home and write him a leteer, hmm, hmmm,
you know what I mean.

And look here, if he buys you crocks of champagne,
take a train and go to Maine,
get outta town before it's too late.

If he says "Darlin' you look just like my mother",
go home and get your big brother
and have him snapped up.

Now what you gigglin' for?
Look here this ain't funny!
hee hee hee the devil!
You better pay attention to me now listen up,
don't listen to nobody but me now.

Don't listen to Big Moe, don't listen to Little Moe,
don't listen to no no, or No Moe whatever that childs
name is over near Nomax don't listen to eat Moe
don't listen to nobody but me alright.

If something happen to you this summer
you say I didn't tell you "alright",
now this is some knowledge I use myself,
I got this jive straight from the shelf
and it's known to be successful to a marked degree,
and baby I'm givin' it to you for free, alright!

Now if you wanna go for a ride in the car,
don't stay too long and don't go too far,
and if he syas "darlin, darlin, you know i feel so lucky",
go tell that man to catch a train to Kentucky.

And if he says you know, ooh baby baby,
you know you look groovy,
I think I'm gonna put you in a movie,
hey! he ain't no talent scout
he don't know what it's all about
and if he laughs at all your jokes
says your brand is all he smokes
he drinks nothing but cokes
he wants to meet your folks
don't believe him baby, it's a hoax, alright
tell him to get lost
coz he ain't nothing but a moose.

And if he says "Hey sugar, I'm on the square"
go home and leave him right there, leave him right there
and if he says "Hello baby, you look great,
I'm gonna take you on a date"
He ain't nothing but a fake
go tell him to go jump in the lake.

What you sitting up there gigglin' for?
you know you'd be surprised at what them men
are framin' up on doin' this summer
and if somethin' happened to you
you'd say I didn't tell you
so listen to what I'm tellin' you
look at what I'm puttin' down alright?

Here it is,
now if he buys you clothes
and nylon hose
and takes you round the nation
on a two week vacation
buys you diamond rings, mink coats and everything
and he's the mellow creature who wants
to see the preacher
well, you don't have to look out baby
take him home to momma

ALL:
Look out

FOUR EYED MOE:
Now listen girls, don't tease him just squeeze him
because that's your main squeezy easy!

ALL:
Look out sister, you better look out
look out!

FOUR EYED MOE:
All aboard

LITTLE MOE:
Headin' for the station with a pack on my back
I'm tired of transportation in the back of a hack
I'd love to hear the rhythm of the clicketty clack
and hear the lonesome whistle see the smoke
from the stack
and pal around with the democratic fellows named Mac
take me right back to the track Jack.

ALL:
Choo choo, choo choo, ch'boogie
woo woo, woo woo, ch'boogie
choo choo, choo choo, ch'boogie
take me right back to the track Jack.

LITTLE MOE:
You reach your destination but alas and alack
you need some compensation to get back in the black
you take a morning paper from the top of the stack
and read the situations from the front to the back
the only job that's open need a man with a knack
so put it right back in the rack Jack.

ALL:
Choo choo, choo choo, ch'boogie
woo woo, woo woo, ch'boogie
choo choo, choo choo, ch'boogie
take me right back to the track Jack.

FOUR EYED MOE:
I'm gonna settle down by the railroad track
live the life of reilly in a beaten down shack
so when I hear the whistle I can peep through the crack
and watch the train a-rolling when it's balling the jack
for I just love the rhythm of the clicketty clack
so take me right back to the track jack.

ALL:
Choo choo, choo choo, ch'boogie
woo woo, woo woo, ch'boogie
choo choo, choo choo, ch'boogie
take me right back to the track Jack.

ALL: LITTLE MOE:
Take me I'm heading for the station
Take me and I need some transportation
Take me so I reach my destination
Take me right back to the track jack.

ALL: LITTLE MOE:
Take me Yeah I'll reach my destination
Take me and I need some compensation
Take me so I read the situations
Take me right back to the track Jack.

HURRY HOME

BIG MOE:
I had to call you on the phone
because I feel so all alone

EAT MOE:
Don't like this being on my own
cantcha, wontcha hurry home

I KNOW WHAT I'VE GOT

NOMAX:
Everything was fine
then I got out of line

NO MOE:
But still 'n' all I'm sticking like glue
coz I know what I've got
but I don't know what I'm gettin'
so baby I'm with you.

FOUR EYED MOE:
I made an awful big mistake
oh what a difference love can make
please give my heart another break
cantcha, wontcha hurry home.

I've learned a lot that I didn't know
I was a fool when I let you go

LITTLE MOE:
Since you've been gone it's all very clear

ALL:
Life is just an empty thing without you dear

IS YOU IS OR IS YOU AINT MY BABY

All:
Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
The way you're acting lately makes me doubt
Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
Seems my flame in your hearts done gone out.

my friends say I could do a lot better
if this keeps up I'll soon need a nurse
I know I can't do any better
but believe me I could do a lot worse.

Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
The way you're acting lately makes me doubt
Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
Seems my flame in your hearts done gone out
When the moon goes down in the dawnin'
and the sun comes up in the mornin'
don't let the sun catch you cryin'
when the moon goes down in the dawnin'
don't let the sun catch you cryin'
if your baby don't want you no more,
no more,
no more,
noe more.

FIVE GUYS:
We came out of nowhere
that don't mean a thing
we rate high and you'll know why
when you hear us sing.

We're the greatest band around
makes the cats jump up and down
we're the talk of rhythm town
five guys named Moe
not one guy
not two guys
not three guys
not four guys
but five guys name Moe

That's us!

texttext