Overture: Funny Face / 's Wonderful / Think Pink

How Long Has This Been Going On? .......... Audrey Hepburn

How Long Has This Been Going On? [Instrumental Reprise]

Funny Face

Bonjour, Paris!

Clap Yo' Hands

He Loves and She Loves

Bonjour, Paris! [Instrumental Reprise]

On How to Be Lovely .......... Audrey Hepburn

Basal Metabolism .......... Audrey Hepburn

Let's Kiss and Make Up

'S Wonderful

Funny Face

Think Pink!

MAGGIE [calming them down] Girls, girls, girls, girls... [Ripping off bits of pink material she has taken from the shelf,
giving them to each secretary] Listen: take this to all the designers; I want dresses made up in exactly this shade of pink.
Babs: take this round to Kaiser Delmont, I want shoes and stockings in exactly this colour. Laura: everything goes pink! I
want the whole issue pink; I want the whole country pink! [Pauses] Lettie: take an editorial: [dramatically] "To the women
of America..." No, make it to the women everywhere: "banish the black, burn the blue, and bury the beige! From now on
girls..."

MAGGIE.
Think pink! think pink! when you shop for summer clothes.
Think pink! think pink! if you want that quel-que chose.
Red is dead, blue is through,
Green's obscene, brown's taboo.
And there is not the slightest excuse for plum or puce
or chartreuse.
Think pink! forget that Dior says black and rust.
Think pink! who cares if the new look has no bust.
Now, I wouldn't presume to tell a woman
what a woman oughtta think,
But tell her if she's gotta think: think pink¡!

WOMEN.
for bags! pink for shoes!
Razzle, dazzle and spread the news!
And pink's for the lady with joie de vive!
Pinks for all the family.
Try pink shampoo.
Pink toothpaste too.
Play in pink, all day in pink,
Pretty gayin pink.
Drive in pink, come alive in pink,
Have a dive in pink.
Go out dancing but just remember one thing:
You can get a little wink
If you got a little pink
In your swing.

MEN [painters, with NYC accents]
Think pink! think pink, it's the latest word, you know.
Think pink! think pink and you're Michelangelo.

WOMEN.
Feels so gay, feels so bright.
Makes you day, makes you night.
Pink is now the colour to which
you gotta switch!

MEN.
(Do what you gotta switch!)

WOMEN.
Every stitch!

MEN.
(Every stitch you switch!)

MAGGIE.
Think pink! think pink on the long, long road ahead.

WOMEN & MEN.
On the road, (& MAGGIE) think pink!

MAGGIE.
...think pink and the world is rosey-red

WOMEN & MEN.
(Everything's rosey.)

MAGGIE.
Everything on the great horizon,
Everything that you can think¡
and that includes the kitchen sink,
Think pink!

WOMEN & MEN.
Think pink, think pink
Think pink, think pink
Think pink, think pink!

JO.
I was taught that I ought
not expose my inner senses.
Had no plan for man;
I was full of self-defences.
Now I feel that I really
should face the consequences.
My philosophic search
has left me in the lurch.
I must find why my mind
is behaving like a dancer.
What's the clue to pursue?
For I have to have the answer.
I could cry
salty tears.
Where have I been
all these years?
Is it fun?
Or should I run?
How long has this been going on?
There were chills
up my spine,
And some thrills
I can't define.
Does it show?
And who would know?
How long has this been going on?
Oh, I feel
like I could melt.
Into heaven I'm hurled.
I know how Columbus felt
finding another world.
Can I trust how I feel?
Is this my Achilles heel?
Look at me:
I'm all at sea.
How long has this been going on?
This is grand!
This is great!
I'm in such a
lovely state!
Can one kiss do
all of this?

Instrumental

JO.
How can you possibly make a model out of that? You can't be serious.

DICK.
When I get through with you, you'll look like? what do you call beautiful...?
tree.
You'll look like a tree.

DICK.
Frankly, dear, your modesty reveals to me
Self-appraisal often makes us sad
And if I add your funny face appeals to me
Please don't think I've suddenly gone mad.

You have all the qualities of Peter Pan
I'd go far before I'd find a sweeter Pan.

I love your funny face
Your sunny, funny face.
For you're a cutie
With more than beautie.
You've got a lot of
per-son-a-li-ty for me.

You fill the air with smiles
For miles and miles and miles
Though you're no Mona Lisa
For worlds I'd not replace,
Your sunny, funny face.

I love your funny face
Your sunny, funny face.
You're not exotic
But so hypnotic.
You're much too much
If you can cook the way you look.

I'd swim the ocean wide
Just to have you by my side.
Though you're no Queen of Sheba,
For worlds I'd not replace
Your sunny, funny face.

[Dick turns on the projector light. This time it lights the face of Jo,
who is standing at the screen, smiling.]

[Dick's taxi pulls up on the Champs-elysses a few hundred yards from the Arc de Triumphe.
Dick climbs out, turns in a circle observing the scenery, and strides down the pavement:]
DICK.
I want to step out
Down the Champs-elysees,
From the Arch of Triumph
To the Petit Palais.
That's for me:
Bonjour, Paris!

MAGGIE.
I want to wander
Through the Saint-Honore,
Do some window shopping
In the Rue de la Paix
That's for me:
Bonjour, Paris!

JO.
I want to see the den of thinking men
like Jean-Paul Sartre.
I must philosophise with all the guys
around Montmartre and Montparnasse.

ALL THREE.
I'm strictly (a) tourist
But I couldn't care less.
When they parlez-vous me
Then I gotta confess.
That's for me:
Bonjour, Paris!

MEN.
Light up the Louvre museum
Jazz up the Latin quarter
To show the richest and the poorest:
Here it comes,
The great American tourist!

MAGGIE.
This has got to be illegal
What I feel
Tres gay, tres chic,
Tres mag-nifique
C'est moi, c'est vous
C'est grand, c'est too tout...
It's too good to be true,
All the things we can do.
You do things to my point of view.

MEN.
We can show you the North or
We can show you the South then
We can show you the West!

MAGGIE.
Come on and show me (& MEN) the best!

MAGGIE.
That's for me:
Bonjour, Paris!

PEOPLE.
Bonjour.

MAGGIE.
Bonjour!

JO.
That's for me:
Bonjour, Paris!

PEOPLE.
Bonjour!

DICK.
Living is easy,
The livin' is high.
All good Americans
Should come here to die.

PEOPLE.
Bonjour!

MAGGIE.
Is it real?
Am I here?

JO.
Am I here?
Is it real?

MAGGIE.
There's something missing

MAGGIE & JO.
There's something missing, I know.

ALL THREE.
There's something missing
There's something missing, I know:
There's still one place
I've got to go!

[They arrive at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower
one after the other and meet in the lift.]

MAGGIE.
Oh!

DICK.
Oh no!

MAGGIE.
I thought that you were tired.

DICK.
You said that you were tired.

JO.
I heard you say that you...

MAGGIE.
You told me you were tired!

DICK.
You said that you were so exhausted!

JO.
You said you needed sleep!

MAGGIE.
You told that you had to rest.

DICK.
You said you ought to rest.

JO.
I thought you wanted rest.

MAGGIE.
Is this what you call rest?

DICK.
I haven't time to rest!

JO.
This fussing and fretting
It's getting my goat.

DICK.
Let's all let our hair down,
We're in the same boat!

All.
We're strictly tourists,
You can titter and jeer.
All we want to say is
La Fayette, we are here
On a spree,
Bonjour, Paris!
Bonjour!

DICK [as they congratulate each other, laughing]
Well, how was that?

DOORWOMAN [firmly] Attendez! We are ready for your show.
MAGGIE. Commaynd paformance!
DICK [taking her hand] Come on, mama, we're on.
MAGGIE. Let's give 'em the old pazzaz.

Maggie sits at the piano and Dick takes up a guitar.

BOTH.
Ring-a them bells
Ring-a them be-lls
We is gwy-in
Don't know where-a
All we know is
It's up they-a.
Somehow we got to
Climb that stay-a
Ring-a them
Ring-a them
Be-lls.

[They stand up and move to the main floor...]

MAGGIE.
Come all you chil'en and
Gather around,
Gather around you chil'en!
And we will lose
that evil spirit called
Voodoo.
Bud-ela baa-bee-bo-bee!
UH!
Nothing but trouble
If he found you
If he has found you chil'en!
But you can chase
That hoodoo
With the dance that
You do.
Let us lead the way
Jubilee today
He'll never hound you
Step on the ground
You chil'en!

Clap yo hands
Slap yo thighs
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Everybody come along
And join the
Jubilee!

Clap yo hands
Slap yo thighs
Don't you lose time
Don't you lose time
Come along
And shake your shoes.
Time now for
You and me.

On the sands of time
You're only a pebble.
But then the trouble
Must be treated
Just like a rebel:
Send it to the devil!

Clap yo hands
Slap yo thighs
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Everybody come along
And join the
Jubilee!

BOTH.
So ring-a them bells
Ring-a them bells out
Ring-a them ring-a them
Ring-a them ring-a them
Be-lls!

MAGGIE.
Well, Mister Tallahassee, how we doin'?

DICK..
Why, we is the two most friendly vibrations you ever seen.

MAGGIE.
Hey diddle-diddle
The cat and the fiddle

DICK..
The dish ran away with the spoon.
Missus Tallahassee, do you know why a chicken crosses the road?

MAGGIE.
No, why does a chicken cross the road?

DICK..
Why, to get to the second floor, woman.

MAGGIE.
Oh man, you is a genius.

BOTH.
Roses are red
The violets are blue
The dresses is got to be sewed, so
Let's get this show on the road!

MAGGIE.
Clap yo hands
Slap yo thighs
Gimme that beat boy
Beat boy beat boy.
Gimme that gimme that
Gimme that gimme that
Crazy knocked out beat!

You got to u-e-awa
u-e-awa u-e-awa
u-e-awa u-e-ar if
You wanna get to the promised land
You got to clap yo hands.

Clap yo hands
Slap yo thighs
Gimme some heat man
Heat man heat man.
Gimme some gimme some
Gimme some gimme some
Dixie Land beat!
When you hear that Dixie Land
You got to clap yo hands.

Clap yo hands
Clap yo hands
Hallelujah
Hallelu¡ hallelu¡
Hallelujah
Come along
[Dancing up the stairs...]
And join the
Jubilee!

[The crowd applauds them and they slip away to Flostra's room.]

DICK.
That's not what I heard. [Pacing thoughtfully, rubbing his neck]
My, my, my. Well, what do you know?

DICK.
He loves
And she loves
And they love so
Why can't you love
and I love too?
Birds love
And bees love
And whispering trees love
And that's what
We both should do.
I always knew some day
You'd come along
We'll make a twosome
That just can't go wrong,
Darling.
He loves
And she loves
And they love
So won't you love me
as I love you?

[They dance around and over to a raft and float across to the
other side of the river where they continue for a time, then
walk away into the distance.]

Instrumental

MAGGIE.
Just listen and repeat after me:

MAGGIE / (JO) / BOTH.
On how to be lovely
(On how to be lovely)
You got to be happy
(You got to be happy)
When you can feel
light and gay
Then you'll be lovely
as a holiday.

On how to be charming
(On how to be charming)
You got to be merry
(You got to be merry)
If only to weave a spell
And you'll be lovely
As a carousel too.

I (I know you can) show how.
It's (it's all in the) know-how.
And (and once you know) oh how
The world looks good to you
As it should to you.

On how to be lovely
(On how to be lovely)
You got to be jolly
(You got to be jolly)
When you can be fancy-free
And flash a smile that
Folks come flocking to see.

You'll be as lovely
As can be.

Do-wee-oo
Do-wee-oo-ee
Do-wee-oo
Do-wee-oo-ee
Do-wee-oo
Do-wee-oo
Boo-diddly-ba-bau! Ee-

Do-wee-oo
Do-wee-oo-ee
Do-wee-oo
Do-wee-oo-ee
Do-wee-oo
Do-wee-oo
Boo-diddly-ba-bau!
(Boo-diddly-ba-bau!)
Boo-diddly-ba-baa-pa-daa!

Can't (can't do it with) make-up
You (you've just got to) wake up
And (and startin' to) take up
A life delirious
Nothing serious.

On how to be lovely
(On how to be lovely)
You got to be cheery
(You got to be cheery)
I'll give you a guarantee
You don't need dough
You don't need a college degree.

Make sorrow incidental
(Let joy be monumental)
And you'll be lovely
Do-wee-oo
Do-wee-oo(-ee)
Do-wee-oo
Do-wee-oo(-ee)
You'll be as lovely
As can be
A-do-ee-oo-ee-oo-ee-oo!

texttext

[Dick walks away but picks up a stone and throws it at her window.
Jo comes to the balcony as she is letting down her hair.
She smiles at him as he sings...]

DICK.
I didn't mean to
start any scene to,
Make you sigh
or to lie.
It's most immoral
for us to quarrel.
Why can we
both agree?
Don't you know Ben Franklin
wrote about this thing at length?
On the proposition that
in union there is strength.
Why raise a storm up
if we'll just warm up?
We'll be much stronger
and live much longer.
Let's kiss and make up,
Come on, let's wake up
For I need you
and you need me.
Let's kiss and make up,
No use to break up
when we can work in harmony.
I'll give you your way
You'll give me my way
and out the doorway
our cares will fly away.
If we'd be happy
the way is clear
Let's kiss and makeup
no use to break up
We need each other, dear.

[He dances and with a flourish waves her goodbye then walks away down the street.]

[At the church, daytime, and Dick's taxi pulls up at the front.
He runs round to the back of the church and finds Jo, her back
to him, dressed in her wedding gown from the fashion show.]

DICK.
I love your funny face
Your sunny, funny...

[They embrace and kiss.]

DICK.
'S wonderful

JO.
's wonderful

DICK.
'S marvellous

JO.
's marvellous

DICK.
That you should care
For me.

DICK.
'S awful nice

JO.
's awful nice

DICK.
'S paradise

JO.
's paradise

DICK.
'S what I love
To see.

JO.
You've made my live so glamorous.
You can't blame me for feeling amorous.

BOTH.
Oh, 'S wonderful
'S marvellous
That you should care
For me.

[They climb aboard the raft and, embracing,
they float away down the stream.]