SYNOPSIS

A Poultry Tale

The Joy Of Motherhood

Different

Hold Your Head Up High

Look At Him

Play With Your Food

The Elegy

Every Tear A Mother Cries

The Wild Goose Chase

Hold Your Head Up High (Reprise)

It Takes All Sorts

Together

The Collage

Now I've Seen You

Warts And All

The Blizzard

Now I've Seen You (Reprise)

Warts And All (Reprise)

Finale: Look At Him

- Act One -
The beginning of a glorious summer's day out in the country. Standing in the sunshine is a small farm behind which is a lake with thick beds of cattails. Drake, a proud father-to-be introduces us to 'A POULTRY TALE'. His wife, Ida, and the rest of the farmyard residents join in the telling while Cat hides behind cattails eyeing the duck eggs in Ida's nest which he hopes will make a savory dinner. As the assorted animals rush offstage in a flurry, Ida remains to tend her nest of four blue eggs and a curious looking large--quite large-- brown one. She's bossy and irritable after tending the eggs for such a long time and complains to Drake about her cramped quarters and his unwillingness to shoulder some of the burden. After Drake beats a hasty exit, Ida sings affectionately about 'THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD' with a neighboring hen, Maureen. They exchange observations on the anguish and happiness of bearing children just as the eggs start cracking. Four perfectly respectable ducklings emerge from the four perfectly respectable eggs. After Maureen coos over the newly hatched ducklings, she goes off in search of Drake to break the good news. While the wide-eyed newborns yearn to explore their new world, mother Ida strictly lays down a few laws for her young charges.
Drake returns to meet his new children just as Ida realizes that the large-- quite large-- egg has yet to hatch. Though Drake tries to convince her to leave it and join him and their ducklings for a swim, Ida insists on staying with her unusual, unhatched egg. Drake joyously races the children down to the lake for their first dip while Ida resumes her position in the nest. Ida, alone, contemplates the last remaining egg and broods about why this one is so 'DIFFERENT'

There is a chipping sound. There is a cracking sound. Ugly, a large, brown ungainly bird, waddles out of his shell while lifting Ida on his shoulders with an ignominious "honk!" He can't quack like the others. He is much larger than the others. She worries that Ugly is indeed a turkey but he allays her fears when he doesn't react to the word 'Butterball' and is eager for a swim. Though at first taken aback by her unusual child, Ida hugs her duckling and all is well between mother and son. They make their way to the pond for his first swimming lesson.

Ida instructs Ugly of the various joys and dangers of swimming and that the most important thing is to 'HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH'. Soon Ida realizes that Ugly is an amazing swimmer; better and faster than even she is. He is eager, exhilarated and joyous until he meets Drake and the ducklings on shore. They humiliate the awkward parvenu with "LOOK AT HIM." Ida tries desperately to defend Ugly but the ducklings, the neighboring animals and even his father, Drake, taunt and tease him unmercifully. Cat disguised as the duck's school photographer with a camera and tripod has his eye on Ugly, a fine specimen of a bird who would make an even finer dinner. The ducklings pose for a class photo as the Cat/Photographer continues his ruse. Grace, a duck so lovely she is honored with a red band around her webbed foot, meets Ida's new offspring and congratulates her but only on the perfectly respectable ducklings.

Ugly suffers further humiliation from the members of the barnyard when they gather for a taste of French bread thrown in the pond. He is crowded out and unable to share in the French bread feast. Alone, hungry, and miserable Ugly laments his fate of being 'DIFFERENT' as the devious Cat sidles up to him, commiserates, and convinces Ugly to join him for 'lunch' in his den. When Ida realizes her youngster is missing she organizes a search. Cat and Ugly arrive in the conniving feline's kitchen. Cat prepares his delectable repast ¨¤ la a Julia Child's cooking program. He encourages Ugly to 'PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD' as the innocent but hungry duckling joins in- never realizing he's cooking his own goose. By chance, a baseball whizzes into Cat 's lair and strikes him on the head. When the Boy who hit the ball decides to retrieve it, Ugly becomes frightened and decides to go back to the duckyard leaving the unconscious Cat hiding in the very bowl meant for the young duck. Ugly never realizes Cat's dubious intentions. He emerges from Cat's lair and can't remember how he got there. He is lost.
Meanwhile, back at the barnyard, the fruitless search for Ugly has been called off. The fair-feathered friends sing 'THE ELEGY'," a pensive lullaby-like song in honour of Ida's fallen fowl. The neighbours are certain that a culinary death at the paws of the wicked Cat befell Ida's unusual duckling, but Ida refuses to believe it. The fate of the missing fowl becomes a media event complete with cameras, lights, and interviews. Drake, clearly enamored of the camera, tries to hog the spotlight but Maggie Pie, the television personality, focuses on the inconsolable Ida who croons a heartbreaking 'EVERY TEAR A MOTHER CRIES'. She determinedly sets out on a journey in search of her not-so-little, but very lost ugly duckling.

On the desolate marshlands Ugly has sought shelter in a ditch. Greylag, a stern admiral sort of gander and his wife Dot are looking for their wayward flock. Ugly asks the flighty pair for directions back to the farm. The geese offer to help Ugly find his home. They advise him that Cat is not his friend and, since it's hunting season, they warn Ugly to keep out of sight. The military-minded Greylag assembles his squadron of geese to join him on 'THE WILD GOOSE CHASE' in search of Ugly's home. Who should pop up on the scene but Cat who promises to take Ugly back to his disconsolate mum. Greylag doesn't buy it and has taken personal charge of the duckling's safety. Cat warns them not to fly while the hunters are about and magnanimously offers to advise them of the hunter's departure. Greylag, although wary, agrees. When Cat assures the geese that the hunters have put away their guns and it's safe to fly, Greylag insists that Cat join them with a parachute. Cat, Greylag and the flock take off in search of Ugly's mom leaving the poor lost soul safely behind. But as soon as the search party is airborne, shots ring out and feathers fly. Ugly now knows that Cat is deception purr-sonified and not to be trusted. He's learned a lesson, but what can he do now? Then he hears the voice of his mother in his head reminding him to 'HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH' (Reprise). He is determined to keep trying and reunite with his mother. As the curtain descends upon Act I, the ominous shadow of an Old Woman approaches and Ugly realizes he has unwittingly wandered into the garden of a small cottage. He sees the Old Woman's shadow and seeks escape through a door leading into the cottage.

- Act Two -
Ugly, who has been tentatively exploring the living room, ducks behind a couch as he hears Old Woman address her cat Queenie and pet hen Lowbutt in the next room. Old Woman leaves the cottage and Queenie and Lowbutt enter the living room. Queenie immediately discovers an unrecognizable footprint on the carpet and traces it to Ugly. Queenie and Lowbutt are very domesticated animals. They are used to a certain standard of living. They applaud themselves for being civilized and sophisticated pets in 'IT TAKES ALL SORTS'. Ugly, though at first wary of Queenie the cat, feels fairly safe with the odd couple especially when he realizes Queenie prefers seafood prepared by the Old Woman to wild, unusually large, ugly ducklings. Queenie suddenly realizes that Lowbutt is missing her favorite program, an antiques show. She turns on the TV in the middle of 'BirdWatch UK' (America's Most Feathered) where Maggie Pie interviews Ida about the progress of finding her lost duckling. Upon seeing her, Ugly cries out "Mama!" Before Queenie can call the program to reunite the mother and son the doorbell rings. None other than the persistent Cat, barely disguised as papa Drake, is at the door. Ugly immediately sees through the deception and recognizes the conniving Cat.
When Cat sees Queenie he tears off his disguise in his irrepressible attraction to the voluptuous feline. The two dance a flirtatious and seductive rhumba 'TOGETHER' as Lowbutt does everything she can to throw a wet blanket on the pair. As a final resort Lowbutt shoves Ugly out the door knowing the coy Cat will follow. True to form, Cat, despite his concupiscent attraction to Queenie, runs off after Ugly as the relieved Lowbutt consoles her seduced and abandoned house mate.

Meanwhile back at the duckyard, Drake is burdened with the brunt of responsibility of minding the brood as Ida vows to search every pond for her lost son in 'THE COLLAGE'. The townspeople voice their opinions on the futility of Ida's search as we see Ida talking to Greylag and then Lowbutt and Queenie.

Ugly, who is lost out there somewhere, encounters Penny, the most beautiful bird he has ever seen, tangled in fishing line. A chivalrous Ugly comes to the lovely swan's rescue. When Penny learns that Ugly is lost and alone she eagerly suggests Ugly join her flock, fly south for the winter and then they will both search for his family next spring. Obviously attracted to this beauty, Ugly is sorely tempted to take advantage of her offer but opts to stay on and search for his worried mom. Penny embraces Ugly in her soft white wings and takes off with a resounding "honk!" Ugly is confused when he hears the familiar cry. He declares his love for the snowy feathered Penny in 'NOW I'VE SEEN YOU' but despondently concludes she will forget him.

Before he can get too maudlin, a large Bullfrog with a lily pad under his arm jumps in front of the heart-sick Ugly. The Bullfrog soon realizes that Ugly has a chip on his shoulder about his appearance. No stranger to denigration because of uncommon attributes, Bullfrog cheers Ugly up, teaches him to love himself 'WARTS AND ALL' and assures him that there is someone out there to love him in return. Sufficiently cheered up and with a much better attitude, Ugly bids Bullfrog and his little Froglets goodbye.

As soon as the frogs depart the bright beam of a flashlight falls on Ugly. A Farmer has ensnared Ugly in his net and threatens to turn the duck into his family's Sunday roast. When the Farmer briefly retreats the Cat appears and offers Ugly a dubious proposition: he'll help Ugly escape the net and his fate on the Farmer's dining room table and reunite Ugly with his mother for a last farewell if Ugly will agree to be the Cat's main course. Desperate to see his mother and realizing he is a dead duck either way, Ugly agrees to this ill-fated plan. Cat claws an opening in the net and the two cut out.

Throughout Ugly's journey, seasons have changed. As Cat and Ugly make their way back to the barnyard they are caught up in 'THE BLIZZARD'. They fight desperately to make their way through the snowstorm. As the storm blows over Ugly and Cat have succumbed to the weather and are completely buried beneath a huge snowdrift discernable only as two lumps in the snow. Ida, having searched far and wide, recognizes her offspring's snow lump and, realizing she is too late, approaches her beloved son's icy grave. She sinks to her knees sobbing. Penny and her swan family, apparently a bit off-course, have returned. Mother Swan sees Ida and encourages her tears, for the warmth of a mother's tears can thaw the stoniest frost. As she turns away in frustration, Ida's warm, salty tears melt the snow concealing her ugly duckling. The ice falls from his feathers, and Ugly emerges as a beautiful swan. Ugly looks down to admire his handsome reflection in the puddle of melted snow in amazement. "I'm not a duck" he honks. "I'm a swan!" Ida and her handsome Ugly embrace. The beautiful Penny appears, and love is instantly rekindled when they declare 'NOW I'VE SEEN YOU' (Reprise)

Ida, in her motherly wisdom, recognizes true love when she sees it. So despite the heartache of saying goodbye to her son, she sends Ugly off with his lovely, bright Penny to learn the ways of being the beautiful swan that he is. She follows the pattern of swans' flight and tearfully misses her 'DIFFERENT' son.

Suddenly Ida hears a joyful "Honk!" from behind her. Ugly declares he could never leave his true mother who raised and loved him unconditionally. Penny and Ugly have decided to be the premiere swans on the duck pond. He's proud to be different and, frankly, he rather likes his honk. Ida beams with pride.

But wait a minute! Some unfinished business. Ugly taps the other snow lump. The ice chips away and the rather batty Cat breaks out singing a befuddled "MELTING MOGGY" (Moggy is a British word for a housecat). After all Cat has been through, he has cracked up and is not one bit interested in duck or swan dinners.

In 'FINALE: LOOK AT HIM' the beautiful pair of swans, Penny and Ugly, return to the barnyard with a flourish. The Ducklings, the neighbours, and even Drake--so critical of the unusual bird in the beginning --now extol the virtues of having such a fine bird amidst them. Grace, previously the prettiest duck on the pond, graciously relinquishes her coveted Red Band to the lovely Ugly. The whole neighborhood has learned the importance of 'just believing in yourself' because "you may find/In your own way/You're a swan."

Drake:
In this backwater of England
Where the pace of life is slow
And the lillies on the lake are broad and lush,
We're all living here in Clover
And the mating season's over
So there won't be cause for anyone to blush.
In our land both green and pleasant
Every bantom, duck and phesant...
...If we had them, we'd be walking arm-in-arm
For our life is good and steady 'til we're plucked and oven-ready
It's a poultry tale
Of folk down on the farm...

There's a turkey with a gobble
Watch him stand and start to wobble,
When the rooster cock-a-doodles we get up,
We've got poulets, we've got chickens
We've got quails and... What the Dickens?!
It's a poultry tale of folk down on the farm!

There's a guineafowl that hisses
And that's Ida, she's my missus
So forgive me if I'm laying on the smarm,
She goes in for heated quacking to point out the skills I'm lacking

Company:
It's a poultry tale
Of folk down on the farm!

Come on down and don't be strangers
In our duckyard of free rangers
It's a poultry tale
Of folk down on the farm!

Ida:
Here where waterfowl have waddled
Little chicks get mollycoddled
For The Cat
Would like to do us grievous harm
He's our only source of worry
Feathers rarely get to flurry

Company:
It's a poultry tale
Of folk down on the farm!

Cat:
Ha!
How they flatter themselves
I've never shown much interest in this group,
I'll admit I'm quite a glutton but this feathered form of mutton
Wouldn't even make a palletable soup...
But
When those little ducklings hatch
That's a flavour you won't match
They're delicious!
And I just can't get enough,
As a fella who is feline you will see me make a beeline
For those tender little juicy balls of fluff!

(mad quacking noises)

Company:
In our waterfowl regatta
There's a moorhen fond of chatter
And a mandarin with oriental charm,
You'll find every goose or gander

Grace:
Though, of course, I'm rather grander!

Company:
It's a poultry tale of folk down on the farm.

We may strike some classic poses,
And we all have Parson noses,
But that doesn't mean you'll hear a single psalm...
For all reverence is rejected
Blatant fowl-play is expected
It's a poultry tale
Of folk down on the farm!

Come on down and don't be strangers
In our duckyard of free rangers
It's a poultry tale
It's a poultry tale
It's a poultry tale
Of folk down on the farm!

(quack)

[Thanks to Shorty for lyrics]

Ida: AS A DUCK
WHENYOU'RE STUCK
SAT SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR NEST
THEN AT BEST
YOU GET BORED...
THERE GOES DRAKE
ON THE LAKE
I CAN SEE HIM THROUGH THE RUSHES
ALL THE TIME
FEELING I'M
JUST IGNORED
I DON'T PRETEND THAT THIS IS ALL HIS DOING
I'M A SUCKER FOR THE BILLING
AND THE COOING
BUT WHEN YOU HEAR THAT PITTER PATTER
OF TINY FEET IT DOESN'T MATTER
HOW LONG I'VE HAD TO SIT HERE
MINDING MY BROOD
THOSE LITTLE HEADS SO SOFT AND DOWNY
THEIR BABY BODS ALL GOLDEN DOWNY
THEIR BEAKS CONSTANLY OPEN
WAITING FOR FOOD
IT'S THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD
THOSE LITTLE DUCKLINGS
WALKING ROUND IN A LINE
I'LL DO WHAT ANY OTHER MOTHER WOULD
TO TRY TO DO MY BEST AT BRINGING UP MINE
IT'S THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD
THOSE LITTLE PERKS
THAT MAKE IT ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE
I'LL DO WHAT ANY OTHER MOTHER WOULD
TO GET MY DUCKS DECKED OUT
AND LIVING IN STLYE
(Maureen enters. Dialogue until line "Why do we put ourselves through it?)
Maureen: 'COS WHEN YOU HEAR THAT DIBBLE DABBLE
YOU'RE PROUD TO SAY
"HEY THAT'S MY RABBLE"
THEN WATCH THEIR MAIDEN VOYAGE
OUT FROM THE BANK
Ida: LIKE CHAMPAGNE CORKS
YOU'LL SEE THE BOBBING
Maureen: ACCOMPANIED BY MOTHERS SOBBING
Both: RELIEVED, THANKS BY TO NATURE
NOBODY SANK
IT'S THE JOY...
Maureen: Oh, prepare yourself, Ida
(They are interrupted as the eggs begin to hatch)
Ida: IT'S THE JOY
Both: IT'S THE JOY
Ida: IT'S THE JOY
Maureen: JOY
Ida: JOY
Maureen: JOY
Ida: JOY
Both: IT'S THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD
THOSE LITTLE PERKS
THAT MAKE IT ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE
I'LL DO WHAT ANY OTHER MOTHER WOULD
Ida: TO GET MY DUCKS DECKED OUT
AND LIVING IN STYLE
Maureen: TO GET THOSE DUCKS DECKED OUT
AND LIVING
Ida: TO GET MY DUCKS DECKED OUT
AND LIVING
Both: IN STYLE

Ida:

This one's different
This one's different from the rest,
I can't believe a Turkey's egg could fall into my nest,
It's just a freak of nature
It's just a larger grade of all the other eggs I've ever laid.

This one's different,
But there's different,
And there's different...

Ugly:
HONK!

[Thanks to Shorty for lyrics]

Ida:
Hold your head up high
Like the most happy fella
While down below each thigh
Apropos a propeller
Must keep paddling like the clappers
You keel paddling with your flappers
While seeming to be dreaming and calm

Ugly:
Like this?

Ida:
That's the way
Bend your knees
No splashing please

Ugly:
Sorry

Ida:
And steady watch that eddy to your right, Danger sign

Ugly:
Danger Sign?

Ida:
That's fishing line

Ugly:
Fishing line?

Ida:
Which strangles if it tangles you up tight
He's a natural in a class of his own

Ugly:
This is wonderful I am feeling full grown

Ida:
Look at you
You have every reason to

Both:
Hold your head up high

Ida:
As if free from all troubles
Your back stays nice and dry

Ugly:
But my bottom's in bubbles

Both:
You keep paddling like the clappers
just keep paddling with your flappers
while seeming to be dreaming and calm

Ida:
Just beneath the surface
You may struggle to get by

Ugly:
But nothing can deter you
Both: If you hold your head up high

[Thanks to Samantha for lyrics]

Look at him
Legs are bandy
And the knees are knocked
Look at him.

Dad was obviously egg-shell-shocked.
Bet the neighbours scream and howl
When they see our brood.
He's the foulest waterfowl.

Does he have his giblets inside out?
What else would explain his looks
Being quite so rough?
How on earth will gourmet cooks
Know which end to stuff?

He's my son and I love him
Do you see what you've done?
You're to blame
This duckyard would be so boring
If we all looked the same.

Cat:
YOU CAN SCRATCH THE ANTIQUE FURNITURE
TO SHARPEN UP YOUR CLAWS
YOU CAN LACERATE THE CUSIONS IF YOUR EVER STUCK INDOORS
YOU CAN DIG UP ALL THE FLOWERS FROM THE FRESHLY PLANTED BEDS
AND WITH ARTICLES OF CLOTHING ITS OK TO PULL SOME THREADS
BUT I REMEMBER AS A KINDERGARDEN KITTEN
ONE PHRASE THAT LEFT ME SINGULARLY SMITTEN

YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD BEFORE YOU EAT IT
YOU CAN CHIVVY YOUR CHOW BEFORE YOU CHEW
YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD YOU CANT BEAT IT
SO DUKKY LET ME PLAY WITH YOU
YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD BEFORE YOU BITE IT
YOU CAN TOY WITH YOUR TUCK BEFORE THE CRUNCH
YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD WHY FIGHT IT
ITS A CRAZY LITTLE GAME CALLED LUNCH
so tell me ducky, what would you like to play?
it can be anything, I wont tell your mother...

UGLY: well, ID LIKE TO PADDLE IN THE PUDDLES
DABBLE IN THE MUD
TICKLE STICKLE BECKS IN THE SHALLOWS
THEN MAYBE IF THERES TIME GO SLIDING IN THE SLIME
TO THE MARSH WHERE YOU FIND MARSHMALLOWS
IL GO AND SLAY A DRAGONFLY
WATCH WATER BOATMEN RACE
TO SAY THAT CATS ARENT DANGEROUS IS CLEARLY NOT THE CASE

cat: ID RATHER PLAY A GAME THATS SHARP AND WITTY
AND PREFERRABLY WITH SOMETHING IN THE KITTY
oh,you wanna play hide'n'seek do you? where are you?
am I getting warmer?
(very fast) YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD BEFORE YOU EAT IT
YOU CAN CHIVVY YOUR CHOW BEFORE YOU CHEW
YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD YOU CANT BEAT IT
SO DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY
DUCKY LET ME PLAY WITH YOU
YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD BEFORE YOU BITE IT
(finally slows down)
YOU CAN TOY WITH YOUR TUCK BEFORE THE CRUNCH
YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD WHY FIGHT IT
ITS A CRAZY LITTLE GAME...
(to ugly) do you like oranges?
Ugly: I dunno, Ive nevver tried one.
Cat: well suck on this!!
ITS A CRAZY LITTLE GAME CAlLED LUNCH

Chorus: An eerie mood descends the farm
It seems so strangely quiet
The rumour is the cat has had more roughage in his diet
All thought he was an ugly bird it hurts us now to say
that feathers have been sighted in the pussy's litter tray

Maureen: (spoken) Ida I don't mean to be rude but the description.
The donkey said he saw the cat walking away with a...well
who else around here looks like that

Ida: (spoken) Well I don't believe it he was...IS a tough little duck
and I'm sure he can stand up to that mangy old tom

Maureen: (spoken) Well I'm sure he can but...
Ida: (spoken) He's probably on his way back right now

Chorus: Poor Ida has our sympathy
She looks so sad and gloomy
But looking on the brighter side her nest is now more roomy
We find it rather difficult to say consoling things
Tonight the ugly duckling sleeps beneath an angels wings
Tonight the ugly duckling sleeps beneath an angels wings

Ida:
Everytime I turn around
I expect you to appear,
Everyone may call my name
But it's your voice that I hear

Every moment that you're gone
Is a moment dark and gray,
Every tear a Mother cries is a dream that's washed away.

Every day seems to be
More empty than the last,
Everywhere the sun once shone
A shadow has been cast

Every moment that you're gone
Is a moment dark and gray,
Every tear a Mother cries is a dream that's washed away.

Every moment seems an hour,
Every hour lasts a day,
Every tear a Mother cries is a dream that's washed away...

[Thanks to Shorty for lyrics]

GREYLAG
WE'RE OFF ON A WILD GOOSE CHASE
WE WILL BE NO STRANGER TO DANGER THE SQUADRON WILL SHOW NO FEAR

DOT
WE'RE OFF AND NO MATTER WHERE WE ROAM
ALTHOUGH THE MIND BOGGLES THIS GAGGLE IN GOGGLES
IS SURE TO FIND YOUR HOME

GREYLAG
RUNWAY'S CLEAR
PREPARE FOR TAKEOFF DEAR
WE MUST
PLAY OUR
PART

DOT
HARK AT HIM
I FEAR HIS CABIN LIGHTS ARE RATHER DIM

GREYLAG
CHOCKS AWAY
OUR AIR DISPLAY
MUST START

GREYLAG, DOT
WE'RE OFF ON A WILD GOOSE CHASE
AND OUR SIMPLE MISSION POSITION THE WHEREABOUTS OF YOUR FARM
WE'RE OFF AND UNLESS WE'RE BLOWN INTO KINGDOM COME
WE WON'T BE BACK UNTIL WE'VE FOUND YOUR MUM

DOT (SPOKEN)
BUT WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HIS FARM IS,
DEAR, HOW ARE WE GOING TO PLAN THE ROUTE?

GREYLAG (SPOKEN)
DONT WORRY DEAR I'LL NAVIGATE!

DOT (SPOKEN)
THATS WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF

GREYLAG, DOT, SQUADRON
WE'RE OFF ON A WILD GOOSE CHASE
IT'S A FLIGHTLESS TASK BUT WE ASK
WHO COULD DO IT AS WELL AS WE
WE'RE OFF, NEED TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM'S CRACKS
FOR WHAT COULD BE GRANDER
THAN HAVING A GANDER
FOR AWOL MISSING DUCKS

CAT (SPOKEN)
HELLO DUCKY! I THOUGHT I LOST YOU!

GREYLAG (SPOKEN)
STAND BACK OR I'LL PECK!

CAT (SPOKEN)
OOH, BE STILL MY QUAKING LEGS, I'M GOING TO BE GOOSED!

UGLY (SPOKEN)
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

CAT (SPOKEN)
YOUR MOTHER SENT ME TO FETCH YOU- SPECIAL ENVOY

GREYLAG (SPOKEN)
LISTEN HERE, CAT. I AM IN COMMAND AROUND HERE,
AND I HAVE TAKEN PERSONAL CHARGE OF THE DUCKLING'S
SAFE RETURN TO HIS MOTHER

CAT (SPOKEN)
WELL I WOULDN'T TRY FLYING AT THE MOMENT,
HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THE GUNS?

GREYLAG (SPOKEN)
WE WILL COMMENCE MANEUVERS AS SOON AS THE SHOOTING PARTY IS OVER

CAT (SPOKEN)
WELL, MAYBE I COULD BE OF ASSISTANCE. I'LL GO OVER TO THE SHOOT,
AND LET YOU KNOW WHEN THE'RE PACKING UP FOR THE DAY

GREYLAG (SPOKEN)
VERY WELL, BUT NO FUNNY BUSINESS,
I KNOW SEVERAL WAYS TO SKIN YOUR TYPE

CAT (SPOKEN)
IT'S LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY

GREYLAG, DOT, SQUADRON
WE'RE OFF ON A WILD GOOSE CHASE

DOT
YOU MAY THINK IT ODD
THAT A SQUAD
SUCH AS OURS
CAN PERFORM THIS RUN

GREYLAG, DOT, SQUADRON
WE'RE OFF,
AND WE'LL PROVE THAT'S NOT THE CASE

GREYLAG
AVIODING THE ACK,ACK
WE'LL SEARCH FOR THIS QUACK, QUACK
AND THEN RETURN TO BASE

GREYLAG (SPOKEN)
WE'RE ABOUT TO FACE THE MOST PERILOUS MISSION TO DATE.
I NEED HARDLY TO TELL YOU OF THE RISKS INVOLVED,
OR OF THE ULTIMATE
PRICE WE MAY HAVE TO PAY. AS WE FLY ON TO GLORY,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW VERY PROUD I AM OF THIS SQUAD.
KEEP A STIFF UPPER BEAK MEN, AND REMEMBER OUT MOTTO.
"SIEMPRE VICTORIUM NON PATTE DUFOI GRA"

DOT (SPOKEN)
GOOD AFTERNOON LADIES AND GENTELMEN, MY NAME IS DOT,
AND I AM YOUR SENIOR FLIGHT ATTENDANT,
AND ON BEHALF OF CAPTAIN GREYLAG,
I WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME YOU TO THIS AFTERNOON'S FLIGHT
FROM A BOGGY MARSHLAND TO SOME...FAR FLUNG FARM. WE WILL BE
CRUISING AT AN ALTITUDE OF SEVERAL FEET
AND FLYING IN A RATHER ATTRACTIVE V-FORMATION.
IN THE UNLIKELY EVENT OF AN EMERGENCY LANDING,
WE ASK THAT YOU OBSERVE THE SAFETY PROCEDURES WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MANY,
MANY TIMES BEFORE.
WE HOPE THAT YOU HAVE A PLEASANT JOURNEY,
AND THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING "GOOSE AIR- THE FLUFFY SKIES"

GREYLAG, DOT, SQUADRON
WE'RE OFF TO ENSURE THIS DUCKLING IS NOT SO GLUM,
WE WON'T BE BACK UNTIL WE'VE FOUND YOUR-

CAT (SPOKEN)
THE COAST IS CLEAR- THEY'RE PUTTING AWAY THEIR GUNS!

GREYLAG (SPOKEN)
ARE YOU SURE?

CAT (SPOKEN)
ON ONE OF MY LIVES

GREYLAG (SPOKEN)
ALRIGHT MEN, FINAL CHECK. OH, AND HERE'S THE CAT'S PARACHUTE

CAT (SPOKEN)
F-F-FOR ME?

GREYLAG(SPOKEN)
YOU DON'T THINK I WAS GOING TO LEAVE YOU HERE WITH THE DUCKLING SO YOU?
OH NO, PUSS, YOU'RE COMING WITH US!

CAT (SPOKEN)
OH CAT LITTER!!!

GREYLAG, DOT, SQUADRON
OUR WINGS ARE SPREAD

UGLY
SO DON'T DELAY

GREYLAG, DOT, SQUADRON
OUR EXCESS BAGS ARE STOWED AWAY
IT'S TIME
TO FLY

GREYLAG, DOT, SQUADRON (SIMULTANEOUS W/ UGLY)
WE'RE OFF ON A WILD GOOSE CHASE
WITH A HAPPY ENDING IMPENDING
IF WE CAN LOCATE HIS NEST

UGLY (SIMULTANEOUS W/ GREYLAG, DOT, SQUADRON)
THEY'RE OFF TO TRY AND FIND THE FARM
AND WHEN THEY FIND THE FARM THEY'LL FIND MY MUM
AND THEN SHE'LL BE THERE FOREVER EVERY DAY

GREYLAG, DOT, SQUADRON
WE'RE OFF CHEERIO, GOODBYE, TOODLEPIP OLD CHUM,
WE WON'T BE BACK UNTIL (WE WON'T BE BACK UNTIL [WONT BE BACK])
WE WON'T BE BACK UNTIL WE'VE FOUND (FOUND [FOUND])
YOUR MUM!!

[Thanks to hellolovex10@aim.com for lyrics]

Ida: Hold your head up high, hold your head up high
Ugly: It's not always so easy to hold your head up high
and appear bright and breezey.
I thought dreams were made for a reason but hope seems
to fade with each season and Mama,
you seem so far away.
Ida: Hold your head up high
Ugly: It's your voice, it's your voice I hear!
Ida: Everyday will seem to be more empty than the last.
Ugly: Hold your head up high
Ida:Everywhere the sun has shone a shadow has been cast.
Ugly: and all the while wandering, remincising,
Ida: Every moment that you're gone
Ugly: I keep wondering if she's missing me.
Ida: Is a moment dark and grey.
Ugly: In the way I miss her
Ida: Every tear a Mother cries is a dream that's washed away.

Both: Just knowing you're out there will help be get by.
Until the day we're reunited I will hold my head up high.

Queenie and Lowbutt: It takes all sorts to make a world
On that point we are clear
It takes all sorts to make a world
But we don't want them here
Our taste is good and liberal
Our views are well expressed
It takes all sorts to make a world its just that our sort's best

Queenie:
When one explores the great outdoors one fears what one may see

Lowbutt: We're noble riche our perfect niche is here on the settee
Queenie:Out side the world keeps changing
It's a constant state of flux
Lowbutt: That doesn't suit domestic folk
It's best left for you ducks

Queenie: Oh it takes all sorts to make a world
Lowbutt: Oh it takes all sorts (same time)
Both: On that point we are clear
Queenie: It takes all sorts to make a world
Lowbutt: It takes all sorts (same time)
Both: And we don't want them here
Our taste is good and liberal
Our views are well expressed
It takes all sorts to make a world it's just that our sort's

Ugly: I think my sort's

Queenie and Lowbutt: Our sort's best

[Thanks to olivia harriman for lyrics]

Cat: Madam I would be honoured, though I'm not of your ilk
If we could get together maybe share a dish of milk

Queenie: Sir I'd be delighted though it's true you're a scruff
But when one's had things easy, one likes a bit of rough

Lowbutt: Queenie you loose cat!

Cat: Together on the tiles we will totter
Together we will sit on garden walls
Together we will make tin roofs seem hotter

Lowbutt: Together you'll be throwing up fur balls

Queenie: Together we will build ourselves a cat flap
Together after dark we'll file in

Both: Together we will snuggle for a cat nap

Lowbutt: Together you could string a violin

Have you forgotten dear, the clinic has confirmed
That they can fit you in you need to be de-wormed
And with your last attack you almost filled a sack
So maybe you should go

Its only fair to say that she is rather prone
To carry parasites, her fur is not her own
And on the hygiene front to be both frank and blunt
It's better you don't know

All thought I don't wish to gripe I don't think she'd be your type

Queenie and Cat: Together we will sing our own cats chorus
Together we will choose our favourite key
Together we will conquer all before us

Lowbutt: Together you could retard her fleas

You have to help me out
Its looking pretty grim
What would become of me if she should go with him
She's gone all gooey eyed and I am terrified she'll leave me on the shelf

(spoken) Go on then run!

(sung) Oh dear alas, alack the door was left ajar
The duckling has escaped he can't have got that far
If you start making tracks you're bound to hear his quacks

And catch him for yourself
Don't let us delay your trip, he'll soon be within your grip

(Instrumental)

Queenie: (spoken)
Oh! Oh no, don't leave me,
forget the duckling we could open a can of something?
Lowbutt: (spoken) There, there dear he was never worth it

(sung) Together we can overcome this heartache
Together we've the strength to see it through
Both: Together as if nothing really happened
Together we will st-a-a-ay
Together we will st-a-a-ay
Together we will stay as me and you

Drake:
As a drake my mistake was letting her go searching for my son and at one its not right
I've spent weeks filling beaks hearing daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
I'm depressed round the nest day and night

When Ida said she'd go, I had to let her,
ashamed because this apron suits her better

Where's the joy in motherhood,
an endless round of chores that have to be done
And when you think you've seen the back of them,
you'll find in actual fact you're back at square one

There's no joy in motherhood or if there is its something I just cant see
Yet Ida seems to cope with all of this,
and then on top of that she puts up with me

Duckling: (spoken) Daddy!
Drake: (spoken) Now what!

Ida:
I will search every pond I will search every stream, every river
And the broadest of bays and the widest of lakes must be crossed
While you are missing from my life, its me who feeling lost, without I feel I lost

Chorus:
Look at her it's a shame that she wont face the fact
Look at her can't she see the way the odds are stacked

Turkey: (spoken)
Have you heard anything from Ida yet?

Drake: (spoken)
Aye, the pigeon delivered the note this morning, it just says,
I'm here Pratts Bottom, I don't know whether
that's a place or if she's just being offensive

Chorus:
Look at her nothing shakes her from her strong belief
Solo: Look at her......................................................nothing shakes her strong belief
Chorus: Look at her it so hard to come to terms with grief
Solo: Look at her........................................grief

Ida: (spoken)
And he's about so high with a rather characteristic honk

Greylag: (spoken)
Sounds like that squaddy who shot through a while ago I say he shot through,
it was us who were shot through practically brought about our Trafalgar, wot

Dot: (spoken)
I think you mean Waterloo dear

Greylag: (spoken) Do I dear?

Chorus:
Look at her so convinced that she is getting near
Solo: Look at her...........................................so convinced she's getting near
Chorus: Look at her she may be a little late we fear
Solo: Loot at her.......................................she's a little late we fear

Lowbutt: (spoken)
But how do we know you're not a cat
Ida: (spoken) I beg your pardon

Lowbutt: (spoken)
Well the last duck who came by here turned out to be a tom cat,
one of those nasty transfeatherites
Queenie: (spoken) Did somebody say tom cat?

Chorus:
As each season slips away, sadly there's a trend
Common sense would seem to say
There's no happy end

Ida: (spoken) And he was last seen heading in the direction of Moorland Farm
Cat: (spoken) I say that's north of here isn't it
Ida: (spoken) Yes
Cat: (spoken) How very interesting
Ida: (spoken) You!

Ugly:
I've seen butterflies on blue bells
Drinking in the dew.
Cobwebbs in the sunlight
Shinning, I've seen them too.
I've seen woodlands in the autumn,
Falling leaves of every shade and hugh.
I thought I knew what beautiful was
But now I've seen you.....

I've seen waterfalls cascadeing
Sparkling in the light.
Demsel flies that dance there
Dance from morning 'til night.
I've seen rainbows reaching skyward
Passing through the clouds then fade from view.
I though I knew what beautiful was
But now I've seen you....

And though I've seen
The willow's weeping branches,
The misty morning air,
A clear and starry night
Has nothing to compare with you....

I've seen swallows in the summer
Wheeling over head.
I have seen the silk worm
Spinning ways of her thread.
I have seen the golden sunset
Over the horizon painting sky.
Of pinks and blues!

I thought I knew what beautiful was
But now I've seen you,
Now I've seen you,
Oh! Now I've seen you!

[Thanks to Ellie for lyrics]

Bullfrog:
You Mark My Words, Feathers, One day Ugly We'll be in

IF YOU JUST SIT TIGHT ON YOUR LILYPAD
EACH SILLY FAD WILL PASS
THEN THOSE WHO SPORT THIS SEASONS LOOK
WILL FALL FLAT ON THEIR Ask your mother what its called
FOR FASHION IS A FICKLE THING
BUT JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE
THE DAY WILL COME WHEN WE'RE IN STYLE
AND THEN I GUARANTEE

OUT THERE SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA
SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA
WARTS AND ALL
OUT THERE JUST AROUND THE CORNER
IN AMONGST THE FAUNA
SOMEONES GONNA FALL FOR YOU

THOUGH IM TYRANNASAURUS- REXY
SOME WILL FIND ME SEXY
IN MY WAY
THOUGH IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME TO FIND EM
WHEN YOU DO YOU'LL HAVE A BALL
CAUSE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA
WARTS AND ALL

Ugly:
Do you really believe that?

Bullfrog:
Of Course, If I didn't I might as well just jack it all in an donate my legs to gastronomic reasearch,
I'm telling you feathers you got to look on the sunnyside of the lilypad

THE UGLIEST OF CREATURES
HAVE A FEW REDEEMING FEATURES
SOME WHY NOT LET YOUR BETTER POINT
SHINE FORTH

Ugly:
A MOUNT THAT RUNS FROM EAST TO WEST
IS BOUND TO MAKE YOU LOOK DEPRESSED
ITS BETTER IF THE CORNERS BOTH POINT NORTH

Bullfrog:
Now that's the Idea!

SO DON'T GO INTO HIDIN'
THERES NO NEED FOR DISGUISE
EVEN SOME POTATOES
HAVE GOT NICE EYES

I'm Telling you Feathers!

OUT THERE SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA
SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA

Ugly:
WARTS AND ALL

Bullfrog:
Now you're croaking my language!

Ugly:
OUT THERE IN A MUDDY PUDDLE
SOMEONE NEEDS A CUDDLE
THOUGH THE CHANCE IS SMALL

Bullfrog:
ITS TRUE
JUST THINK WHENEVER YOU NEED BOOSTING
ONE DAY YOU'LL BE ROOSTING
WITH A MATE
THOUGH IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME TO FIND EM
WHEN YOU DO YOU'LL HAVE A BALL

Both:
CAUSE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE
SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA
WARTS AND ALL

Bullfrog:
Tell em' kids!

Froglets:
SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
WE DON'T KNOW WHERE
SOMEONE WILL CARE
THERE GONNA LOVE YA
WARTS AND ALL
SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
WE CANT SAY WHERE
BUT SOMEONE IS GONNA FALL FOR YOU

Bullfrog:
THOUGH IM TYRANNASAURUS- REXY
SOME WILL FIND ME SEXY
IN MY WAY

Froglets:
THEY'LL FIND YOU SEXY

Bullfrog & Ugly:
THOUGH IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME TO FIND EM
WHEN YOU DO YOU'LL HAVE A BALL

Froglets:
WE KNOW YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BALL

All:
CAUSE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE
SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA

Company:
SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA

Bullfrog & Men:
OUT THERE SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA
SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA
WARTS AND ALL
OUT THERE IN A MUDDY PUDDLE
SOMEONE NEEDS A CUDDLE
THOUGH THE CHANCE IS SMALL
ITS TRUE

Froglets:
SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
WE DONT KNOW WHERE
SOMEONE WILL CARE
THERE GONNA LOVE YA
WARTS AND ALL
SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
WE CANT SAY WHERE
BUT SOMEONE IS GONNA FALL FOR YOU

Bullfrog:
JUST THINK WHENEVER YOU NEED BOOSTIN'
ONE DAY YOU'LL BE ROOSTIN'
WITH A MATE

Froglets:
SOON YOU'LL BE ROOSTIN'

Bullfrog & Men:
THOUGH IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME TO FIN EM
WHEN YOU DO YOU'LL HAVE A BALL

Froglets:
WE KNOW YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BALL

Company:
CAUSE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE
SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA

Solo Froglet:
OUT THERE SOMEWHERE
SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA

Company:
OUT THERE SOMEWHERE
SOMEONES GONNA LOVE YA
WARTS AND ALL
WARTS AND ALL
WARTS AND ALL!

[Thanks to Justin for lyrics]

FEMALE SOLO:

The sun is cold and watery
The ponds are deeply frozen
Of all the times for travelling
It's not what we'd have chosen

DIALOGUE.

FEMALE SOLO:

The skies are grey and menacing
A blizzard would seem certain
And even good Kind Wenceslas
Would not draw back his curtain

ALTO&TENOR (IN BACKGROUND):

Mmm ahh
Mmm ahh
Mmm ahh
Mmm ahh
Mmm ahh
Mmm ahh
Mmm----ah----

WOMEN (RYTHMIC AHH-ING)

Ah----
Ah----
Ah----
Ah----
Ah----
Ah----
Ah----
Ah--
Ah--
Ah----

COMPANY:

The weather's turned out nice again
But sadly for our hero
The wind chill factor tends to keep
The temperature sub-zero----

The biting cold
The swirling snow
It's hard to catch a breath

And though we hate to say the word

MEN: We're facing certain
WOMEN(Echo): Facing certain
MEN: Facing
ALL: Certain

(SILENCE)

SOLO WOMAN AND SOLO MAN:

The wind has blown
The snow in drifts
Too beautiful for words

SOLO MAN:

It may look good
For Christmas cards

ALL:

But not...
For cats and birds

texttext

Out there (somewere out there)
Someones gonna love ya (We dont know were)
someones gonna love ya (someone will care)
Warts and all (their gonna love ya warts and all)
Out there (somewere out there)
In a muddy puddle (We cant say were but someone)
someone needs a cuddle (is gonna fall for you)
tho the chance is small (the chance is small its true)
just think when ever you need boosting one day youll be roosting with a mate
(soon youll beroosting)
tho it may take some time to find them when you do youll have a ball
(we know your gonna have a ball)
Cause out there
somewhere someones gonna love ya
warts and all
warts and all
warts and all......
HONK!

[Thanks to Ty Tracy for lyrics]

All:
Look at him,
Did you ever see a finner bird?
Hark at him,
'Cause his honking is the best we've heard.

We are feeling rather small,
In this whole sha-bang.
Maybe you'll forgive us all,
And we hope, with enough soft soap, lead our gang

[ NOT SUNG ]

Ugly:
Of course I forgive you. I'm just happy to see you all again,
and to introduce you to someone. This is Penny.

Penny:
Hello.

Grace:
Welcome home, my dear. I've been thinking,
I'm getting very long in the bill,
and I feel the time is right for me to relinquish the Red Band...
Wear it with pride, my dear, for you are indeed the finest bird on the lake,
as I know I was in my day.
And! let it it be known that from this day forth,
the Red Band shall be known as the Cygnet Rings!

[ ALL APPLAUD, SINGING CONTINUES ]

All:
Look at him,
Look at us,
See the difference.

Why did we every think him a dud?
Drake:
I always knew that my family was blessed with royal blood.

[ NOT SUNG ]

Turkey:
Yes! YES!! YES!!!

All:
What?!

Turkey:
I made it through Christmas!

[ CHEERS AND CLAPS ]

All: Look at him
(Kids: Look at him)
All the splendour of a noble swan
(And we've got him as a brother)
Look at him
(Look at him)
From a duckling to a paragon
(We won't swap him for another)

Now that you're back on the lake
(Grace: You're back on the lake)
Promise you won't leave
(Promise you won't leave)
You're example's there to take
Just believe in yourself
Don't be left on the shelf
Feeling that all hope is dead and gone
And you may find in your own way
You're a swan,
HONK!