Cue Music

Jay's Rap

Kick Some Ass .......... Stroke 9

Holden on Affleck

Tube of Wonderful .......... Dave Pirner

Cyber Savvy

Choked Up .......... Minibar

Doobie Snacks

Magic Carpet Ride .......... Steppenwolf

Jay & Justice

Bad Medicine .......... Bon Jovi

Stealing Monkeys

This Is Love .......... PJ Harvey

Advice From Above

The Devil Song .......... Marcy Playground

Idiots vs. The Internet

Tougher Than Leather .......... Run DMC

Willenholly's Woe

Bullets .......... Bob Schneider

Touching A Brother's Heart

Hiphopper .......... Thomas Rusiak

Two Thumbs Up

Jackass .......... Bloodhound Gang

A Smooth Pimp and a Man-Servant

Jungle Love .......... Morris Day and The Time

NWP

Because I Got High .......... Afroman

Stop Stealing Monkeys

texttext

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Mother mother fuck. Mother mother fuck fuck. Mother fuck mother fuck.
Noise noise noise.
1 2 1 2 3 4
Noise noise noise.
Smokin weed, smokin weed.
Doin' coke, drinkin beers.
Drinkin beers, beers beers.
Rollin' fatties, smokin blunts.
Who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts.
Rollin' blunts and smokin um'

15 bucks, little man, put that shit in my hand.
If that money doesn't show then you owe me owe me owe.
My jungle love.
Oh e oh e oh.
I think I wanna know ya know ya ... yeah, what.

How many people wanna kick some ass?

I used to be a nerd
Grew up in the suburbs
Nothing there ever went wrong
I made it up in this song

I talk about the hood
I say stuff like it's all good
Tell people I'm down with all the cool kids downtown
When I've never even been there

How many people wanna kick some ass?
I do I do
And how many people sick of holding it back?
I am
Well I am too

So don't lay another finger on her
She's mine and I still want her
If you put your hands upon her
You're a goner goner

And how many people sick of holding it back?
I am I am
And how many people wanna kick some ass?
I would if I could

But I'm really just a sensitive artist
Perpatrating like I am the hardest

So spin your cap around to the back
You think you rhyme but you can't rap
Loosen that strap a little more
Till your axe hits the floor

Flip off your fans
Make em cheer
Try to look sincere
Anger today's fashion
So sing another song about bashing someone's head in

How many people wanna kick some ass?
I do I do
And how many people sick of holding it back?
I am
Well I am too

So don't lay another finger on her
She's mine and I still want her
If you put your hands upon her
You're a goner goner

And how many people sick of holding it back?
I am I am
And how many people wanna kick some ass?
I would if I could

But I'm really just a sensitive artist
Perpatrating like I am the hardest
Acting like I'm not the smartest
I'm really just a sensitive artist

Awwwww Yeahhhh

So don't lay another finger on her
She's mine and I still want her
If you put your hands upon her
You're a goner goner

And how many people sick of holding it back?
I am I am
And how many people wanna kick some ass?

I said how many people wanna kick some ass?
How many people wanna kick some ass?
Whatcha gonna do when your sick of holding it back?
I think I kick some ass
How many people wanna kick some ass?
I would if I could

But I'm really just a sensitive artist
Perpatrating like I am the hardest
Acting like I'm not the smartest
I'm really just a sensitive artist
Honest

Holden- Inside sources told me that Miramax is starting its production this Friday on there avitation of the
comic book Bluntman and Chronic.

Jay- Shit, does it tell you whose fucking playing us in the movie?

Holden-no but its Miramax so I'm sure it'll be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, they put them in a bunch of movies.

Jay-Who?

Holden-you know those kids from Good Will Hunting?

Jay- You mean that fucking movie with Mork from Ork in it?

Holden- Yeah I wasn't a big fan either, but Affleck was da bomb in phantoms

Jay-WORD BITCH PHANTOMS LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER!!

Holden- whats up now?

texttext

Holden-The buzz says that movie is gunna make some huuge bank

Jay- What buzz?

Holden-the internet buzz

Jay- What the fuck is the internet?

I don't know why we can't talk
Every time we try we get choked up
Running with the feelings that gets caught in your head
'Til I can't remember what it was we said
All my friends say I'm in love
Is this what I think they're thinking of?


I don't know why we can't win
Every time we lose, we just pretend
Running out of money at the end of the month
None of it can buy the things I want
All my friends say I'm in love
Is this what I think they're thinking of?
Count my friends on my left hand
I don't need another who wouldn't understand


Take myself with thoughts of leaving
Running out of things left to believe in
Running out of money and time
Running out of money and time
You won't be mine


I don't know why we can't win
Every time we lose, we just pretend
Running out of money at the end of the month
None of it can buy the things I want
All my friends say I'm in love
Is this what I think they're thinking of?
Count my friends on my left hand
I don't need another who wouldn't understand
All my friends say I'm in love
Is this what I think they're thinking of?
All my friends say I'm in love
Is this what I think they're thinking of?

Jay- You guys need to turn those frowns upside down, and I have just the thing.. I call these... Doobie Snacks!

I like to dream
Yes, yes right between the sound machine
On a cloud of sight I drift in the night
Any place it goes is right
Goes far, flies near, to the stars away from here

Well, you don't know what we could find
Why don't you come with me little girl on a magic carpet ride?
Well you don't know what we could see
Why don't you tell your dreams to me?, fantasy will set you free.

Last night I held Aladdin's lamp, so I wished that I could stay.
Before the thing could answer me well someone took, the lamp away
I looked around a lousy candle was all I found.

Close your eyes girl, look inside girl, let the Sound take you away.

Justice: Hi, I'm Justice

Jay: Justice, huh. That's a nice name... Jay and Justice sittin' in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G

(J. Bon Jovi, R. Sambora, D. Child)

I ain't got a fever got a permanent disease
It'll take more than a doctor to prescribe a remedy
I got lots of money but it isn't what I need
Gonna take more than a shot to get this poison out of me
I got all the symptoms count 'em 1,2,3

First I need
That's what you get for falling in love
Then you bleed
You get a little but it's never enough
On your knees
That's what you get for falling in love
And now this boy's addicted cause your kiss is the drug

Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like bad medicine
There ain't no doctor that can
Cure my disease

Bad, bad medicine
Bad, bad medicine

I don't need no needle
To be giving me a thrill
And I don't need no anesthesia
Or a nurse to bring a pill
I got a dirty down addition
It doesn't leave a track
I got a jonse for your affection
Like a monkey on my back

There ain't no paramedic
Gonna save this heart attack

When you need
That's what you get for falling in love
Then you bleed
You get a little but it's never enough
On your knees
That's what you get for falling in love
Now I'm addicted and your kiss is the drug

Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like bad medicine
So let's play doctor, baby
Cure my disease

Bad, bad medicine
Bad, bad medicine

Solo

I need a respirator cause I'm running out of breath
You're an all night generator wrapped is stockings and a dress
When you find your medicine you take what you can get
Cause if there's something better baby well thay haven't found it yet

Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like bad medicine
There ain't no doctor that can
Cure my disease

Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like bad medicine
Your love's the potion that
Can cure my disease

Bad, bad medicine
Bad, bad medicine

texttext

I can't believe life's so complex
When I just wanna sit here and watch you undress
I can't believe life's so complex
When I just wanna sit here and watch you undress

This is love, this is love that I'm feelin'
This is love, this is love that I'm feelin'
This is love, love, love that I'm feelin'

Does it have to be a life full of dread?
Wanna chase you 'round the table, wanna touch your head
Does it have to be a life full of dread?
Wanna chase you 'round the table, wanna touch your head

This is love, this is love that I'm feelin'
This is love, this is love that I'm feelin'
This is love, love, love, love that I'm feelin'

I can't believe that the axis turns
On suffering when you taste so good
I can't believe that the axis turns
On suffering when my head it burns

Now, love, love, love that I'm feelin'
This is love, this is love that I'm feelin'
This is love, love, love, love that I'm feelin'

Even in the summer, even in the spring
You'll never get too much of a wonderful thing

You're the only story that I've never told
You're my dirty little secret, wanna keep you so
You're the only story that I've never been told
You're my dirty little secret, wanna keep you so

Come on out, come on over, help me forget
Keep the walls from falling as they're tumbling in
Come on out, come on over, help me forget
Keep the walls from falling on me tumbling in
Keep the walls from falling as they're tumbling in

This is love, this is love that I'm feelin'
This is love, this is love that I'm feelin'
This is love, this is love that I'm feelin'
This is love, love, love, love that I'm feelin'

This is love, love, love that I'm feelin'
This is love, love, love that I'm feelin'
This is love, love, love, love that I'm feelin'
This is love, this is love that I'm feelin'

texttext

Some kids they know how to fight
Some kids run
I'm a thousand generations ahead of them
Cool as they come

See all my suits are Calvin Kline
My lucky number is 69
I got all the things I need
It's the nature of my breed

I'm independent
Smooth and confident
Always in command
Graceful element
A tasteful compliment
Do you know who I am

Look up, look down, watch out the tiger is on the town tonight
I'm a deadly handsome man
Look up, look down, watch out the tiger is on the town tonight
I'm the lion in the lamb

Everywhere I go I make the seen
The ladies love to stroke me
Pimped out and lazy in my limousine
Oh come on here sweetie
Everything I say like Socrates
People love to quote me
My real name is Mephistopheles
But you can call me baby

See all my suits are Calvin Kline
My lucky number is 69
I got all the things I need
It's the nature of my breed

I'm independent
Smooth and confident
Always in command
Graceful element
A tasteful compliment
Do you know who I am

Look up, look down, watch out the tiger is on the town tonight
I'm a deadly handsome man
Look up, look down, watch out the tiger is on the town tonight
I'm the lion in the lamb
Look up, look down, watch out the tiger is on the town tonight
I'm a deadly handsome man
Look up, look down, watch out the tiger is on the town tonight
I'm the lion in the lamb

All you mother fuckers are gonna pay.
You are the ones who are the ball lickers.

[Run-D.M.C.]
Unconceivable, unbelievable
Grammar like a hammer information receivable
Sent by the Lord, here and abroad
with words well adored now they can't be ignored!

[Run]
The force of course that makes Run the boss
so get lost because I just toss a punk
Make way today and if I may I say
I make pay with Jay, so get away OKAY?
Gainin weight, I ate the whole plate today
Never rate the great, I go state to state
Just peep and keep but don't sleep or weep
Get deep to leap or I'll beep the Jeep
Put down the clown, get 'round the town
I found the sound that I pound the ground
Get paid and laid, not 'jayed or 'fraid
so I stayed and made, not a bad debate
Got a group to troop, with a shoop de shoop
Shoot hoop then scoop, on this loop to loop
Goin off and off, not soft of course
Just black and back to go back and forth
Go to school and cool, ?? ?? and pull
Got soul and gold and cold hold a jewel
Upset the vet, a vet met a Jet
Just let your ??, and I'll win the bet
Got a punch to crunch, cold munch for lunch
not Grady or the lady from the Brady Bunch
Got cheese in Lee's like he's in jeans
Charge Visa freeze, on these with ease
No dope to cope, just good to go
There's hope to Pope, big nope for no
Quite clever and never, we're together forever
Run-D.M.C. and we're "Tougher Than Leather"

[D.M.C.]
Strong and mighty hard as can be
?? ?? ?? lie press strong as Dee
Never frightened I'm writin fightin for what's right
Let's keep it ?? in the night I'm creepin with my mic
I got to go for broke, and I ain't no joke
I won't yoke and choke, 'cept you suckers I smoked
Bumrush and crush, leave em in the dust
This is a must to rough, ?? ?? ??
Only strong survive, and the weak will die
As long as I'm alive I keep my head up high
because I'm strong in body, and smart in mind
I was born to rhyme, as a gift to mankind
No punk or chump, never givin no slack
We'll be killin a villain and like chillin, "Yo black!"
I got a ?? ??, it's me you run from
I'm the king I do my things until my Kingdom Come!

{*guitar solo*}

[Run]
.. cause .. I'm
Rough and tough, cold huff and puff
Don't bluff the stuff, got enough to rough
Go long and on, no longer song
Go on and on just for past the dawn
Put preach and teach, with a speech to reach
all streets and each, with beats for treats
Got the King Supreme, may seem the clean
with a beat and a ring, no dream machine
Not a gang to bang, out to hang with slang
talking yang and tang, about everythang
Just brothers and others, like fathers and mothers
who discovered they love us they think that I've been above us
No crime or time, just rhyme and I'm
full grown and own, no phone or dime
Just cut the stuff, til you get enough
cause we're rougher than tougher and rougher tougher than tough!

{*guitar solo*}

[Run-D.M.C.]
Ah with a voice like thunder, words of wonder
over all standin tall and the suckers fall under
Posessed with power, cowards will cower
Ducks we devour hour hour after hour
Three man riot, you can't deny it
We're so ill that you can't defy it
Gonna live, POSITIVE, forever, AND EVER
Run-D.M.C. and we're "Tougher Than Leather"

texttext

I gotta freak I gotta flow
I gotta throw my ass overboard don't you know
The tip I'm on yeah it's the bomb
Did I ever tell you that you look a lot like my mom
Yeah and your smart I can tell you pull me apart as well
And then you put me back together hey hey don't break my heart and sell it for
Ice cream and fudge give me a nudge
Yeah is it live or is it dope honey I'm not the kind to judge

If you got the bullets I got the time
You bring the bullets I'll bring the wine
You bring your bullets I'll bring my bat
I can tell you where it is but I can't tell you where it's at

Now money honey's your only friend
You know your friends may take a walk but money'll be there till the end
You're in a spin it ain't no sin
To drink some gin and have yourself some fun oh every now and again
Oh man I'm bleeding so I'm going to bed bro
Because the mad hatter's crazy and having a party in my head and though
I don't mind big baby 'm getting sleepy
And baby that look that you've been giving me is getting kinda creepy

If you got the bullets I got the time
You bring the bullets I'll bring the wine
You bring your bullets I'll bring my bat
Let's get the hell out of town before they find out where we're at
I can tell you where it is but I can't tell you where it's at

And I gotta pig p it wears a wig see
It tells me every single morning boy you're going to be big b
It's kinda cutie it plays the flute g
And yeah a flute playing wig wearing pig's a fucking hootie
I ain't no blowfish I'm light as air so
I've got a million dollar smile and I take it everywhere I go
But you know I keep it hidden deep inside my big ole head
And I only take it out at night when I'm alone in bed

texttext

You see me driving down the street
I look so fucking good (yeah)
Wer'e smokin' weed and doing dirt
in my Tommy Hilfiger hoodie (ha yeah ha yeah uh)
Were gonna keep talking bullshit about you
'cause nobody be frontin' me and my crew (me and my crew what, now to move on what)

Ref: Cause I'm a hiphopper yes I am ( yes I am what, yes I am uh)
Cause I'm a hiphopper yes I am (me and my crew what, now to move on what)

You see me wearing baggy jeans (baggy jeans huh, baggy jeans huh)
And my fat Tim stays on my feet (on my feet what, yeah)
I never smile when someone's around (huh, what)
I'm low key staying harcore (hardcore, hardcore uh)

I'm never listen at anything else (fuck that, fuck that uh)
but the hiphop that ya'll can feel (hiphop,hiphop uh)

Refr

texttext

Jackass.
I'm a Pimped out Jedi Knight,
Obi-Wan meets Dolomite,
Ben Kenobi went and got himself a Pompador,
These aren't the whores you're looking for

Jackass.
If the Crocodile hunter smoked weed,
Steve Irwin burning herb in his Jeep,
Kicks the kangaroos for laughing at his hair cut,
Used to fall for that too but

(Chorus)
If you knew me like,
I know myself,
You'd hate me like
I hate myself,
'Cause i'm a ...

Jackass.
Got no Rabbit in this hat,
'Cause I'm pulling it out my ass
Ain't Siegfried or Roy but I could be,
Making Magic with a pussy.

Jackass.
Like that dude in Tienemen Square,
With a Six pack and a folding chair,
Guy bothered the parade and ended up,
Playing Chicken with the tanks but

(Chorus)

We could out the Lesbian Spice Girl,
They could try to run Game on the ODB.
They could kick every douche bag off the Real World,
But they won't get rid of me!

If I knew you like,
You know yourself,
I'd hate you like,
You hate yourself,
Hate yourself,
Hate yourself,
Hate yourself,
Hate yourself,
Hate yourself,
Hate yourself,
'Cause you're a Jackass!

texttext

{"Oh-wee-oh-wee-oh" will repeat in BG of song}

I - I've been watching U
I think I wanna know ya (know ya)
Said I, I'm a little dangerous
Girl, I'd love 2 show ya (show ya)

My jungle love, yeah
I think I wanna know ya (know ya)
Jungle love
Girl, I'd love 2 show ya (show ya)

U - U've got a pretty car
I think I wanna drive it (drive it)
I ain't playin', said I drive a little dangerous
Take U 2 my crib, rip U off ... huh! (Jungle love)

Look out, oh!
I think I wanna know ya (know ya)
Oh, jungle love, yeah
Girl, I'd love 2 show ya (show ya)

Come on baby, where's your guts?
U wanna make love or what?

I wanna take U 2 my cage
Lock U up and hide the key
U on..only get water, baby
Cuz if U're hungry, take a bite of me

Oh, jungle love, yes
Think I wanna know ya (know ya)
Hey, jungle love, mmm
Girl, I'd love 2 show ya (show ya)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, jungle love, oh!
I think I wanna know ya (know ya)
Jungle love
Girl, I... I think I wanna, I think I wanna file my nails (Show ya)

Hey Jesse
N..now Jerome, yes!
Check it out!

Jungle love, yeah
I think I wanna know ya (know ya)
Oh, jungle love, yes
Mmm, girl, I'd love 2 show ya (show ya)

Oh, my jungle love, well
Mmm, I think I wanna, I think I wanna (know ya)
Jellybean, uh!
Yeah!

Jesse, gimme one of them sexy solos right here
Break it down, uh!
Yes! Huh
Whoa, eh, hah!
Get..get outta the way
Move over
Yeah

Oh, jungle love, that's right
Can't nobody fuck with me, uh
I got a bearskin rug
I got a fireplace 2
And I'm all the way wild, baby
Oh, the things I could do 2 U

Hey!
Jungle love Jungle love Jungle love
Yes, yes!

Ha ha!
Aah, that's it, that's it
Hold on
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Sh! Ha ha!

Do you know that I came up with the idea forSesame Street?
I came up with it before PBS.
The white man stole it, thats right.
I was going to call it N.W.P, Niggars With Puppets.
Catchy, ain't it? Alright enough of this small talk, lets shoot!

(Hunh, it's like... I don't care about nuthin' man. Roll another blunt. Yeah.... cuz.)
(Yeah x 2)
I was gonna clean my room until I got high.
I was gonna get up and find the broom, but then I got high.
My room is still messed up, and I know why.
(Why man?)
'Cuz I got high, because I got high, because I got high.
I was gonna go to class before I got high.
(C'mon y'all, check it out.)
I could've cheated and I could've passed, but I got high.
I'm takin' it next semester and I know why.
[Why man?]
'Cuz I got high, because I got high, because I got high.
[Go to the next one, go to the next one, go to the next one BUCCCCOC!]

I was gonna go to work, but then I got high.
I just got a new promotion, but I got high.
Now I'm sellin' dope, and I know why.
[Why man?]
'Cuz I got high, because I got high, because I got high.

I was gonna go to court before I got high.
I was gonna pay my child support, but then I got high.
[No you wasn't.]
They took my whole paycheck and I know why.
[Why man?]
'Cuz I got high, because I got high, because I got high.

I wasn't gonna run from the cops, but I was high.
[I'm serious man.]
I was gonna pull right over and stop, but I was high.
Now I'm a paraplegic, and I know why.
[Why man?]
'Cuz I got high, because I got high, because I got high.

I was gonna pay my car note until I got high.
[Say what, say what?]
I wasn't gonna gamble on the boat, but then I got high.
Now the tow truck's pullin' away and I know why.
[Why man?]
'Cuz I got high, because I got high, because I got high.

I was gonna make love to you, but then I got high.
I was gonna eat your pussy too, but then I got high.
Now I'm jackin' off and I know why.
[Turn that shit off.]
Cuz I got high (Do that over.) Because I got high, because I got high.

(Go, go, go, go,...)

I messed up my entire life because I got high.
I lost my kids and wife because I got high.
(say what, say what, say what, say what, ohhhhhh.)
Now I'm sleepin' on the sidewalk and I know why.
(Why man?)
Cuz I got high

I'ma stop singing this song because I'm high. (present tense)
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm high.
(bring it back, bring it back, bring it back)
And if I don't sell one copy, I'll know why.
(Why man?)
Cuz I'm high
(Are you really high though, man?)

Cuz I'm high, cuz I'm high, cuz I'm high.

(Hey, where the cluck at man?)

Bu-buci-buci-buci-buCCCCCOCCC!! [Super-cluck]

Well my name is Afroman and I'm from East Palmdale. (East Palmdale)
And all the tumbleweed I be smokin' is bomb as hell. (excellent delivery)
I don't believe in Hitler, that's what I said. (Oh my goodness.)
So all of you Skins, (Skins?) please give me more head.
(Muuu-fuuuucc.) BUCCCCOC!
AFRO-mufuckin'-M-A-N!
A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes W.
We ain't gonna sell none of these mutha fuckin' albums cuz.
Let's go back to Marshall Durbin and hang some more chickens, cuz.

FUCK THE CORPORATE WORLD, BI-ATCH!

[Officer]
Hey, stop stealing monkeys.

[Jay]
FUCK YOU.

Officer~ Fair enough.