Omigod You Guys

Serious

What You Want

The Harvard Variations

Blood In the Water

Positive

Ireland

Ireland (Reprise)

Serious (Reprise)

Chip On My Shoulder

So Much Better

Whipped Into Shape

Take It Like a Man

Bend And Snap

There! Right There!

Legally Blonde

Legally Blonde Remix

Medley: Find My Way / Finale

Daughter of Delta Nu

MARGOT:
Dear Elle, He's a lucky guy.
I'm like gonna cry, I got tears comin out of my nose!
MAD PROPS! He's the campus catch,
You're a perfct match,
Cause you both got such great taste in clothes,
Of course he will propose!

SERENA:
Dear Elle, honey mozel-top,
future taking off bring that ring back and show it to me!

PILAR:
Four carets, a princess cut,
Are you phsyced or what?
I just wish I could be there to see...

MARGOT, SERENA, & PILAR:
When he gets down on one knee!

DELTA NU'S:
Omigod!Omigod you guys,
Looks like Elle's gonna win the prize.
If there ever was a perfect couple this one qualifies.
Omigod you guys!
Omigod this is happening, our own homecoming Queen and King.
Finally she'll be trying on a huge engagement ring for size,
Omigod you guys!
Omigod!

PILAR:
Okay, everbody signed.
Good now fall in line and we'll start the engagment parade.

SERENA:
Like candles in single file,
Don't forget to smile.
Lose the gum kate you look like the maid,

KATE: Sorry!
SERENA:
Now prepare to serenade!
Shhh!

DELTA NU'S:
(whisper and slowly get lowder)
Omigod!Omigod you guys,
Looks like Elle's gonna win the prize.

SERENA:
Shh!

DELTA NU'S:
If there ever was a perfect couple this one quali--

SERENA:
Shh!

DELTA NU'S:
Omigod!

SERENA:
Guys I'm Serious!

A DELTA NU:
Elle and Warner were meant to be!

Not once ever has he hit on me!

SHUT UP!

MARGOT:
They're just like that couple from titanic,
Only no one dies.

DELTA NU'S:
Omigod!

A DELTA NU:
2, 3, 4--

DELTA NU'S:
Daughter of Delta Nu,
Soon to be fiance',
Now that a man chose you,
Your life begins today.
Make him a happy home,
Waste not his hard-earned wage,
And so he does not roam,
Strive not to look your age.
Still in your hour of need,
Let it be understood no man can supersead,
Our sacred bond of sisterhood.
Omigod!Omigod you guy--

SERENA:
(spoken) Guys, she's not here.

DELTA NU'S:
What?
Where is she?
Where could she be?!
OMIGOD!

MARGOT:
Bruiser, where is elle?

BRUSIER:
(Barks)

MARGOT:
She doesn't have an engagement outfit.

BRUSIER:
(Barks)

MARGOT:
She's totally freaking out.

BRUSIER:
(Barks)

MARGOT:
She's trapped in the old valley mill??!?!

BRUSIER:
(Barks)

MARGOT:
O, woops, sorry.
The Old Valley Mall!

DELTA NU'S:
OMIGOD! Mass Emergency!
Don't take the freeway!
Hey, wait for me!
No one should be left alone to dress
And to acessorize. Omigod! You guys!
OMIGOD!OMIGOD!OMIGOD!OMIGOD!OMIGOD!
ELLE:
(spoken) It's almost there but--
(sung) This dress needs to seal the deal,
make a grown man kneel,
but it can't come right out and say bride.
Can't look like I'm desperate,
Or like I'm waiting for it,
I gotta leave Warner his pride,
So bride is more implied.

SERENA:
(spoken) There she is!

ELLE:
Omigod!Omigod you guys!
All this week I've had butterflys,
Everytime he looks at me it's totally proposealized,
Omigod you guys!
So help me dress for my fairy tale,
Can't wear something I bought on sale.

SERENA:
Love is like forever,
This is no time to economize.

DELTA NU'S:
Omigod you guys!

SHOPGIRL:
(spoken) Blondes make commission SO easy.
Excuse me miss, have you seen this?
It just came in.
It's perfect for a blonde.

ELLE:
(spoken) Right, with a half looped-
stitch on china silk?

SHOPGIRL:
(spoken hesistantly) Uhuh.

ELLE:
But the thing is, you cant use a
half looped stitch on china silk it'll pucker.
And you didn't just get this in cause I saw it in last May's VOGUE.

DELTA NU'S:
Omigod! Omigod you guys!

ELLE:
I'm not about to buy last year's dress at this year's price.

DELTA NU'S:
Elle saw right through that sales girl's lies.

ELLE:
(spoken)It may be perfect for a
blonde, but I'm not that blonde.
(sung) I may be in love,
but I'm not stupid, lady I've got eyes.

MANAGER:
Omigod! Elle Woods, sorry our mistake.
Courtney take your break.
Just ignore her she hasn't been well.
Try this latest from Milan go on try it on.
I take care of my best clientel.
It's a gift from me to Elle!

ELLE:
Omigod! Omigod you guys!
This one's perfect, and it's just my size!
See dreams really do come true you never have to comprimise.
Omigod!

DELTA NU'S:
Omigod! Omigod you guys!
Let's go home before some one cries.
If there ever was a perfect couple this one qualifies.
Cause we love you guys.

ELLE:
No, I love you guys!

DELTA NU'S:
Omigod!

ELLE:
Omigod!

ALL:
Omigod! you guys!
(spoken)OMIGOD!

[Thanks to Ellen, Ryan Farr, Emily for corrections]

Warner:
We both know why we're here
I see it in your eye's
I guess it calms my fears
To know it's not a surprise

I thought one look at you,
Looking like a dream come true,
Would leave me speachless like you always do.

But now we're wide awake,
and we've got some plans to make;
Let's take some action baby!

So baby give me your hand.
I've got some dreams to make true.
I've got the future all planned
It's time to get serious
time to get serious
with you.

Elle:
I never thought that I---

Warner:
Uh, honey, i'm not finished.

elle:
Oh, Sorry!

Warner:
since I was two or three,
My life was planned out newat.
I'd get a law degree,
And then win my Senate seat.

Elle:
mmmm...

Warner:
A big white house back east,

Elle:
uhuh...

Warner:
All of the amenities.

Elle:
yeah!

Warner:
Three kids at least

Elle:
At Least!

Both:
...Just like the Kennedy's

Warner:
Here's where our lives begin.

Elle:
Our lives begin...

Warner:
But just where do you fit in?

Elle:
Fit me in!

Warner:
I'll break it down now baby!
Oh baby give me your hand

Elle:
Here's my hand
Here's my hand!

Warner:
I've got some dreams to make true!

Elle:
We both have dreams to make true

Warner:
I know that you'll understand

Elle:
Oh yes I understand!

Both:
It's time to get serious, time to get serious!

Warner:
With--
Serious!

Elle:
Serious!

Warner:
Gotta wake up and take our journey.
Serious!

Elle:
serious!

Warner:
I'm telling you as a future attourney!
You want the moon and sky then take it, don't be shy.

Elle:
Okay!

Warner:
Baby that's why you and I...

Elle:
You and I...

Warner:
Should brake up!

Elle:
Oh baby i'll give you my hand
We...WHAT?!?!?!

You're breaking up with me?
i thought you were proposing!

Warner:
Elle, if i'm gonna be a senator when i'm 30, i'm gonna need somebody

Serious!
Less of a Marilyn, more a Jackie...
Serious!
Somebody classy not to tacky...

Elle:
WHAT!?!?!

Warner:
okay, that came out wrong...
baby, let's both be strong
I mean we knew all along--

Elle:
Just shut up!
What does that mean, i'm not a Jackie? I'm not serious? But i am seriously in love with you!

Warner:
Babyl, my futures all planned.
i've got some dreams to make true.
i thought that you'd understand:
It's time to get serious...
time to get serious...

Check Please.

[Thanks to Stephanie, Elizabeth for lyrics]

Elle:
Wait a minute. this is the kind of girl Warner wants. Someone serious. Someone lawyerly. Someone who wears black when
nobodies dead. Girls I have a completely brilliant plan.
(Sung)What you want, Warner
What you want is me
But you need to see me in a different domain
Well its plain, Warner
In a different setting
You will see your getting
all of this plus a brain
I'll meet you there at Harvard with a book in my hand
Big sturdy book
big wordy book
full of words i'll understand
and right there is where you'll see it too
What you want is right in front of you
All: What you want
Its clear
What you want
Right here
What you want is right in front of you, front of you
What you want
Its clear
What you want
Right here
What you want is right in front of you, front of you
Elle: Step 1 he's off to harvard law
So i get in there too
Step 2 make him reasses
impress him with my high IQ
Step 3 we throw a wedding
and invite all delta nu
Kate: Thats great. Nice plan
Now can we think this through
(spoken) Harvard law school
Elle: I have a 4.0 average
kate: Yea in fashion merchandising. What makes you think you can do this.
Elle: Love
I'm doing this for love
and love will see me through
with love on my side i can't lose
and harvard can't refuse
a love so pure and true
don't lawyers feel love too
Kate: Even if they do
what you want sweetheart is no wasy thing
if you're going to swing it it will wreck your sr spring
yes its true
First you'll need an LSAT score of more than 174
so no more parties for you
you'll need a killer essay
or do not even hope
and glowing letter from your betters
Any chance you know the pop
o no too bad
cause that would be a coup
and you got a lot of work in front of you
All: What you want
yes i know
What you want
even so
what you want is right in front of you front of you
what you want
girl you go
what you want
no really go
what you want is right in front of you front of you
Dad: law school
Elle: yes daddu law school
Dad:God why. Law school is for ugly, boring, serious people and you button are none of those things.
(sung) What you want hun, just say the word
but what you wants absurd
and costs a whole of of smack
and hell why button
when you can stay right here
persue a film career
mom: How about a nice Burkin bag
Dad: yes, the east coast is foreign
theres no film studios
its cold and dark
No valet parking
all the girls have different noses
Christ, button its like the damn frontier
Mom and Dad: Tell me whats out there that you can't get right here
Elle: Guys, Love
i'm going there for love
a love i ahve to win
i can live without sun or valet
i can't just walk away
betray what might have been
Dad: Fine OK
I'll pay your way if you get in
All: What you want
Make the grades
What you want
and its payed
What you want is right in front of of you front of you
delta nu:
(spoken) hey everybody its spring fling beer bash extreme
Boys: Extreme
Kate: Not for you. Time to study. GO
Delta Nu: This years theme Jamaicin me Crazyy
Reggae:
What you want you wanna be out because the sun she warm
What you want you wanna be study stuck inside your dorm
what you want you wanna be partying with us all night long
what you want you wanna be strong
All: be strong
Kate: 134 not good enough try again
Reggae:
What you want you wanna be groovin bump and sjake the room
What you want you wanna be provin something and to whom
what you want you wanna be wonderin where your youth is gone
what you want you you wanna hold on
Kate: hold on, 151 still not harvard material. Once again Go
Elle:
(sung) Love, i'm doing this for love
and thats how i'll survive
Here you go i said no go away
right here is where i'll stay
until that happy day
that day i hear him say
Kate: 175
All: 175
Elle: 175
All: 175 175

Professor #1
(Spoken)Gentlemen, harvard law grants admission to adam cohen. And now miss elle woods who was kind enough to send in a
headshot.

Professor #2
We should admit her for reasons of multi culturalism

Prof #1
Oh gentlemen get a hold of yoursleves. Look at that what a shame. She didn't bother sending in a personal essay

All:
What you want
Goodness me
What you want
security
What you want is right in

Prof #1
Who are you?

Elle
(Sung)i'm hat you want
Harvard, i'm the girl for you
And to prove it true,
We all flew here on Jet blue

Elle
(Spoken)Thank you

Pilot
(Spoken)Thank you

Ensemble
(Sung)This is what Elle woods inspires
In everyone that hires her,
And Harvard should too

Professor #1
(Shouted)This is not a personal essay!

Elle+ ensemble
(Sung)No, an essay's so boring and so much does not fit,
So we're appearing live right here,
Making sure that you must admit,
Elle woods should join the chosen few,
Harvard, what you is right in front of ¨C (cheer team breaks into dance)

Elle
(Yelled)And now some legal jargon!
Exhibit A!
Time for my cross!
I object!
May I approach!

Professor #1
(Blows whistle loudly and dance team stops)
(spoken)Now see here Ms. Woods, You can't just barge in here with singing, and dancing, and ethnic movement! This is a very
flashy
presentation, but Is till don't see one reason to admit you!

Elle
(SPOKEN) How about love?
You ever been in love?
'Cause if you have you'll know
(Sung)That Love never accepts a defeat
No challenge it can't meet
NO place it can't go!
Don't say no to a women in love!
Don't laugh when I say love!
Don't think that I'm na?ve!
'Cause even a person who's smart
Can listen to their heart
Can listen and believe (Dancers in back waving flags and swaying)
So believe in what love can achieve
Do you Believe?

Professor #2
I Do!

Elle
Do you believe?

Professor #3
Me too!

Ensemble
Yes we believe in love how bout you

Professor #1
Welcome to Harvard!

Ensemble
What you want

Elle
That was fun

Ensemble
What you want

Elle
Let's go girl!

Ensemble
What you want is right in front of you!
What you want
What you want
What you want
What you want!

[Thanks to Quinn for corrections]

EMMETT
Hello, I'm Emmett Forrest. Welcome to the hallowed halls of Harvard Law. Let's go around and share a bit about yourselves.

AARON
Aaron Schultz

I won a Fullbright and a Rhodes
I write financial software codes
But that's a challenge I've outgrown
How many yachts can one man own
Some say that I'm a pompous creep
Somehow I don't lose that much sleep
Why bother with false modesty
Harvard's the perfect place for me

EMMETT and STUDENTS
Pretty impressive, good to know

EMMETT
Welcome to Harvard

PADAMADAN
Wassup?

ENID
Yo.

PADAMADAN
Sundeep Agrawal Padamadan. But you may call me Your Majesty.

In my country my word was law
But then I flee because of stupid coup d'etat
But here I learn, I make new friends
And soon return in bullet proof Mercedes Benz

EMMETT and STUDENTS
Pretty impressive, good to know

EMMETT
Welcome to H-

ENID
Enid Hoopes!

I did the Peace Corps overseas inoculating refugees
In family clinics that I built myself from mud and trees
I fought to clean to up their lagoons and save their rare endangered loons
Then led a protest march against insensitive cartoons

EMMETT and STUDENTS
Pretty impressive, g-

ENID
But now I'm on the legal track because this country's out of whack
And only womyn have the guts to go and take it back
We'll make the government come clean and get more people voting green
And really stick it to the phallocentric war machine

ELLE
I love your top! It is so fatigue chic. Anyone know where I can find Criminal Law 101 with Professor Callahan? ANd Warner
Huntington the third?

EMMETT
It's in Hauser. Over there, second building on the left.

ELLE
Thanks.

AARON
I won a Fullbright and a Rhodes
I write financial software codes
Why bother with false modesty
Harvard's the perfect place for me

PADAMAN
In my country my word was law
But then I flee

ENID
I did the Peace Corps overseas inoculating refugees
In family clinics that I built myself from mud and trees

WARNER/VIVIENNE/STUDENTS
Harvard's the perfect place for me

WARNER
Harvard's the perfect place for

ELLE
Warner!

STUDENTS
Ah ah ah ah ah ah

ELLE
Excuse me...

STUDENTS
Ah ah ah ah ah ah

ELLE
Pardon me...

STUDENTS
Ah ah ah ah ah ah

ELLE
Comin' through!

STUDENTS
Harvard's the perfect place for me
Pretty impressive, good to know
Welcome to Harvard.

WARNER
Elle?!?

ELLE
Hm? Omigod, Warner! I totally forgot you go here!

[Thanks to Glen Jordan, Megan, Ashley for lyrics]

Callahan:
Now when you choose a law career the moment you embark there is that joke your bound to hear.. a laywer is a shark. Ignore
that its cyntistic and its dumb. only some of you will turn out sharks, just some. The rest are chum.
(sung) Our topic is Blood in the water
Kids its time you faced
Law school is a waste
unless unless you acquire a taste
for blood in the water
Dark and red and raw
your nothing until the thrill of the kill
becomes your only law
(Spoken) Mr shultz a hypothetical question. Would you be willing to defend the following banker accused of Fraud
A kind old grandma took her savings
and she sent off to your client
All she saved since she was born
while he promised to invest it he spent it
on prostitutes, heroine, and porn.
Shultz: no i would not want to take that case
Callahan:
Wrong this one is a win unless your lazy
Grandmas broke she'll have some hack from legal aid
put her on the stand and call her old and crazy
your guy goes free and he can get you high and laid.
Look for your blood in the water
read your thomas hobbes
only spineless snobs
would quarrel with the morally dubious jobs
yes blood in the water
your scruples are aflawwed
Ms hookes. hypothetical question. Would you be the right lawyer for the following client.
Say they offer you a bundle for defending
a famous hitman for the mafia elite
seems he killed his chosen prey
killed a nun and drve away
running over 3 cute puppies in the street
Enid:
What you think i wouldnt' defend him just because he's a typical man
Callahan:
oh you lesbians think your so tough
oh dear it seems my comment as offended
hard to argue you though when your too mad to speak
your employment will be very quickly ended
when they see your emotions make you weak
so whats my point i run a billion dollar law firm
and i hire 4 new interns every year
from this class i will select
4 young sharks i will respect
and those 4 will have a guaranteed career
do you follow me
so i wanna see what

Class:
Blood in the water

Callahan:
exactly
let the games begin
yes 4 of you will win
but just those 4 with the dorsal fin
yes blood in the water
so fight and scratch and claw
yes miss uh

Elle:
Woods. Elle woods

Callahan:
Someones had there morning coffee
would you summarize the case from the state of indian v hern from your reading

Elle:
oh i wanted to answer the puppy question

Callahan:
but i'm asking you about the assigned reading

Elle:
OK who assigns reading for the first day of class

Callahan:
you have guts ms. woods
Ms. Kensington, lets say you teach a class at harvard law school
a position that you justly proud out
but a girl on whom you call hasn't read the case at all should you let it go or should you

Vivienne:
no, i'd throw her out

Callahan:
All right then
you heard your classmate
you have just been killed
she cut your throat
so get your coat
yes you got guts
but now there spilled
your bloods in the water
so will you please withdraw
if you return
be ready to learn
or is it unfair
oh wait i dont care
thats just how i rule
in life is in school
was here in shock and
your nothing until
the thrill of the kill
becomes your only law
your only law
your only law

[Thanks to Quinn for lyrics]

SERENA:
Honey what cha crying at
You're not losing him to that
Both her hair and shoes are flat
Why is she so rude?

MARGOT:
Whipe your tears it's no big thing
You were ment to wear his ring
Cheer-up chin-up it's time to bring a happy additude

GREEK CHORUS:
Keep it postive

MARGOT:
As you slap her to the floor

GREEK CHORUS:
Keep it positive

SERENA:
As you pull her hair and call her whore

PILAR:
You can take her in a fight

MARGOT:
You and he will reunite

GREEK CHORUS:
You know we're right we're positive
KILL HER!!!!!!!!!!

ELLE:
Girls, Girls
Violence is never wise
Not the way to win that guy's
Anyway she's twice my size
Who's got a plan B?

PILAR:
Uh...Me!
Look at her she's like a nun
Show him you are way more fun
Bust out the lap dance and you won
You off da hizzle gez

ELLE:
What?

GREEK CHORUS:
Keep it positive

MARGOT:
Ya! Let out your inner freak

GREEK CHORUS:
Keep it positive

PILAR:
Miss Prissy Pants won't last a week

MAGROT:
You will let his appetite

SERENA:
You and he will reunite

GREEK CHOURS:
You know we're right
We're positive
We're positive
We're Positive
We're posi..

(SPOKEN)

ELLE:
Omigod you're making me sick!

VIVIAN:
Are we? Warner let's take this back to my place.

(SUNG)

GREEK CHORUS:
AHHH...
Hey
Hey
Hey
We're positive
That he loves you and not her
You're hotter
And I bet you're smarter
She don't know the real him
You feel him
So don't let her steal him
Wake him up like sleeping beauty
Turn his head with your red hot botty
We'll bring the nosie if you bring the funk
It's positivly time to shake your junk
Shake
Shake
Shake
Shake
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake
WHHHOOOO!!!

(JUNK SHAKING BREAK)

(SPOKEN)

ELLE:
Girls! How is this helping? He's not even here!! He left while we were shaking junk!!
WAIT!
(SUNG)
Girls I'm positive
That we've taken this too far
No I'm positive
This is Harvard not a stripper bar
All this trashy carrying on
That's the reason that he's gone
I need a salon

GREEK CHORUS:
WHHOOO!!!

ELLE:
Girls I'm positive
(positive)
Trying not to get upset
But I'm positive
(Positive)
That it's time for me to go brunett

GREEK CHOURS:
WHAT!!!!!

ELLE:
Being blonde and being hot
That got me exactally squat
Gotta Show him I got more to give
(More, more, more, more)

Know I'm Positive
(You're Positive)
Positive
(Positive)
Positive
(Positive really positive)
Positive

[Thanks to Amy for lyrics]

[Thanks to Kristin for corrections]

PAULETTE (SPOKEN)
Elle, do you know the number one reason behind all bad hair decisions? Love!
(SUNG)
You're lost without your love,
you're heart is on the floor,
I can help you, I've been there before.
When I need to relax,
I just put on some tracks
from this CD I bought from the store.

Celtic Oooh's
(SPOKEN)
Isn't that relaxin'? It's called CELTIC MOODS!
(Sung)
When I'm lonley or feeling dejected,
I play this and it never fails.
I pretend like I'm in Ireland,
with Enya and the whales.

When my telephone gets diconnected,
or I spend ev'ry night alone,
I pretend like I'm in Ireland
where the Irish bagpies drone.

Smell the grass as a rainstorm has ended,
people smile as I stroll pass their farms
With a red-headed sailor named Brenden,
and we dance without moving our arms.

In bar once I met this guy Dewey
and he bought me like, fourteen beers.
then he told me that he was from Ireland,
so I lived with him ten years.

If I squinted he looked like my sailor,
through my boozey delusional fog.
But he dumped me for some slut named Kayla,
took my trailor and took my dog.

In Ireland they knwo how to love you,
you in the race, in the misty Irish breeze.
And if your Irish boy tires of you,
you're allowed to shoot him in the knees.

Hey! You look like that poster for Ireland,
long blonde hair and that sweet sunny face.
Oh no wait, that's the postwe for Sweden,
Oh screw it I'll never see either place.

But a girl sweet as you has a future,
you have hope as each new day dawns.
Girls like you always get to see Ireland,
give my love to the leprechauns.

[Thanks to Stephen for lyrics]

Ireland (Reprise)

PAULETTE
(spoken) Elle, if a girl like you can't win back her man,
then there is no hope for the rest of us! You go and you fight for him!

(sung) The Irish fear nothing and no one
They keep fightin' 'til everyone's dead
I'm not sure where this metaphor's goin'
I just felt like it had to be said

There's a guy at that party who loves you
Something most of us only dream of
You go out there and you get some Ireland
The country of whiskey and love

[Thanks to Lisa for lyrics]

Serious (Reprise)

Warner(spoken):
I still can't believe you're here, back at UCLA I never would have guessed!
Sometimes i miss the old days
(singing) Those parties senior year I thought we ruled the world

Elle:
You funneled all that beer
I held your head when
you hurled

Warner:
We were like Gods back then
walking among common men
Tell me why can't it be
that way again?

Elle:
Dreams don't just disappear
we could keep on dreaming them here

Warner(spoken):
What?

Elle:
Like senior year but funner
You've got your future all planned

Warner:
Yes I do, Guess I do

Elle:
What if i'm standing there too?

Warner:
Wait I'm not following you

Elle:
I'm here cause I understand

Warner:
Not sure I understand

Elle:
I'm here cause I'm serious

Warner(spoken):
Yeah right, you look real serious

[Thanks to Kelsey for lyrics]

[Thanks to Katy for corrections]

Emmet: (Spoken)
Woah, Elle, What's up... Doc?

Elle: (Sung)
Love

Emmet: (Spoken)
Excuse me?

Elle: (Sung)
I put my faith in love,
I followed where it led.

Emmet: (Spoken)
Love led you here?

Elle: (Sung)
To my personal circle of HELL!
It has not worked out well,
I wish that I were dead,
Cuz instead of a wedding and love
I'm flunking out of school,
A total laughing stock!
Someone he and his friends can just mock.
So, go on, here's my head. Just hit it with a rock.

Emmet: (Spoken)
Wait.
Go back.
(Sung)
You came out here, to follow a man.
Harvard Law was just part of that plan.
Man, what rich, romantic planet are you from?

Elle: (Spoken)
Malibu?

Emmet: (Sung)
Instead of lying outside by the pool,
You stalk some guy to and Ivy-League school?
That's the weirdest reason I have...

Elle: (Spoken)
Oh, why'd you come?

Emmet: (Sung)
Okay.
I grew up in the Rocksberry slums,
With my mom, and a series of bums
Guys who showed me all the ways a man can fail.
I got through law school by busting my ass.
Worked two jobs in addition to class,
So forgive me for not weeping at your tale.

Elle: (Spoken)
Well excuse me, just because you've got some kind of chip on your shoulder.

Emmet: (Spoken)
You know what?
You're right.
(Sung)
There's a chip on my shoulder,
And it's big as a boulder.
With the chance I've been given,
I'm gonna be driven as hell.
I'm so close I can taste it,
So I'm not gonna waste it!
Yeah, there's a chip on my shoulder,
You might wanna get one as well.

Elle: (Spoken)
I'm sorry, but that sounds highly negative.
Wait!
Two jobs, plus law school?

Emmet: (Spoken)
I haven't slept since 1992.

Elle: (Spoken)
Seriously,
How do you do it?

Emmet: (Sung)
Well, I don't go to parties alot,
Not good use of the time that I've got.
Can't spend hours doing my hair, and staying in shape.

Elle: (Spoken)
I don't spend hours!

Emmet: (Sung)
But, I know that it'll all be worthwhile,
When I win my first lucrative trial,
And buy my mom that great big house out on the cape.

Elle: (Spoken)
Oh, that's so sweet!

Emmet: (Sung)
No, that's the chip on my shoulder,
I hugged my mom and told her,
With the chance I've been given,
I'm gonna be driven as hell.
Though, I can't take the day off,
I just think of the pay off.
You need a chip on your shoulder,
Little Miss Woods comma Elle!

Elle: (Spoken)
I just need to prove to everyone that I'm serious!

Emmet: (Spoken)
What you need is to get to work!
Where are your law books?

Elle: (Spoken)
Umm...
Well, I know they're here somewhere.

Emmet: (Sung)
You know, this vanity's real picturesque,
But it started it's life as a desk.
Clear it off and find some room for books instead.

Elle: (Spoken)
What are you doing?

Emmet: (Sung)
Can you live without this?
Can you live without that?
I don't know what this is...

Elle: (Spoken)
It's for hair!

Emmet: (Spoken)
Wear a hat!
(Sung)
Spend some time improving what's inside your head!
Out, Out!
Put it in storage,
Sell it on ebay,
Leave it behind!
Out, out!
(Spoken)
What?
Are you angry?
Good, so get angry!
(Sung)
You may find the chip on your shoulder.

Elle:
UGH!!

Emmet: (Sung)
The room just got colder.

Elle:(Spoken)
HEY!

Emmet:(Sung)
But with the chance you've been given,
Why are you not driven as hell?
There's just no way around it,
You gotta plow through till you've...

Elle:(Spoken)
Found it!!

Emmet:(Sung)
Been reading it hard, I can tell.

Chorus: (Sung)
'Tis a gift to be simple,
'Tis a gift to be free.

Elle:(Spoken)
Bye Warner!
Have a great Thanksgiving!
Say hi to your mom and dad for me!
And grandma bootsie.

Emmet:(Spoken)
Define malum prohibitum.

Elle:(Spoken)
Malum prohibitum is... um...

Emmet:(Spoken)
An act prohibited...

Elle:(Spoken)
An act prohibited like jaywalking or chewing gum in Singapore.

Emmet:(Spoken)
Therefore maluminsay...?

Elle:(Spoken)
Is an action, that's evil in itself.
Assault, murder, white shoes after labor day.

Emmet:(Spoken)
Good.
Where are you going?

Elle: (Spoken)
Home, of course. It's Thanksgiving break, remeber?

Emmet: (Spoken)
Interesting...

Elle:(Spoken)
What?

Emmet: (Sung)
Well, I predict you will probably pass..

Elle: (Spoken)
Yes!

Emmet:(Sung)
In the bottom percent of your class...

Elle:(Spoken)
What?

Emmet: (Sung)
If you're going for mediocre, you've done great!

Elle: (Spoken)
That's not fair!

Emmet: (Sung)
Look, they laughed at me like they're laughing at you.
We can't win if we don't follow through!
Might I venture, your vacation plans can wait?

Elle: (Spoken)
Why do you always have to be right?

Chorus: (Sung)
Gloria! In exelcis deo.

Elle: (Spoken)
Bye Warner!
Merry Christmas!
Enjoy Veo.

Emmet: (Spoken)
Ho Ho Ho!

Elle: (Spoken)
Emmet!

Emmet: (Spoken)
For you.
Not as good as going home for Christmas, but...

Elle: (Spoken)
You are too sweet.

Emmet: (Spoken)
It's a real time-saver.
Shampoo and Conditioner, in one.

Elle: (Spoken)
Thank you.
You are so adorable to think of me.

Warner: (Spoken)
Elle, hey.

Elle: (Spoken)
Warner!

Warner:(Spoken)
Have you seen Vivian? I've been looking for her everywhere.

Elle:(Spoken)
Yeah. I mean, no.

Warner:(Spoken)
Great.
We're gonna miss our flight.

Emmet:(Sung)
Um... Elle?
I don't know if you've noticed before,
But each time Warner walks through the door
Your IQ goes down to fourty... maybe less.

Elle:(Spoken)
Huh?

Emmet:(Sung)
Though it's hardly my business to say,
Could it be the real thing in your way
Is the very guy you're trying to impress?

Elle:(Sung)
Yes.
I've been smiling and sweet and thoroughly beaten,
Blowing my chance.
Let's not chase him away,
Let's face him and say,
Hey punk, let's dance!
This chip on my shoulder,
Makes me smarter and bolder.
No more whining or blaming,
I am reclaiming my pride.
Grab that book and let's do this,
Instead of doodling hearts all through this.
Now, there's a chip on my shoulder!
Let's see him knock it aside.

Warner:(Spoken)
Mr. Lattimer was clearly within his rights to ask for visitation. Without his sperm, the

child in question wouldn't exist!

Professor Callahan: (Spoken)
Now you're thinking like a lawyer. Yes, Miss Woods.

Elle:(Spoken)
Mr. Hunnington makes an excellent point, but did the defendant keep a log of every sperm

emission made throughout his life?

Professor Callahan: (Spoken)
Interesting... why do you ask?

Elle:(Spoken)
Well, unless the defendant attempted to contact every sexual encounter to find out if a

child resulted from those, he has no parental claim over this child whatsoever.
Why now?
Why this sperm?

Professor Callahan: (Spoken)
I see your point.

Elle:(Spoken)
And, by Mr. Hunnington's standard, all masterbatory emissions, where the sperm was clearly

not seeking an egg, could be called 'recless abandonment'.

Professor Callahan: (Spoken)
Miss Woods, you just won your case!

Elle: (Sung)
Omigod! Omigod! Omigod!

Miss Woods, excellent work today.
I assume you're applying for my internship.
Do you have a resume'?

Elle: (Spoken)
I'm one step ahead of you.
Here you go!
And thanks in advance for your consideration.

Dear God, it is scented.
Three months ago I would have recycled this, make sure to put it on file.

Emmet: (Sung)
Guess you got a chip on your shoulder,
Maybe some wise man told her
With the chance we've been given
We've gotta be driven as hell!
She was something to see there,
I'm just happy I could be there.
First big test, and she aced it!
She's so close that she can taste it.
She got a chip on her shoulder!
Guess you never can tell
With little Miss Woods comma Elle!
No, you never can tell!
With little Miss Woods comma Elle.

[Thanks to Amy for lyrics]

[Thanks to Angel for corrections]

Elle:
All of this time,
I've planned I'd be patient, and,
You would love me again.

You'd come to respect my mind,
and at last you would find,
You could love me again.

And I have turned my whole world
upside down,
trying not to let you go...
Watching you walk away
is like a fatal blow.

(Spoken)
Wait- whoa!

Is that my name up on that list?
Does someone know that I exist?
Am I awake; is this a mistake?
Look again to be sure...

Yes!
That is my name in black and white,
I must be doing SOMETHING right,
Wow, I feel so much better,
Hello! Much better,
One look at me, you go "Whoa! Much better."

'Cuz I am so much better
than before.

(Spoken) Warner!

Sorry I've been a pest,
but it seems my best
was not working with you,

But it looks like I've found a cure!
And I so look forward
to working with you,

Hey, remember when we spent Spring Break
in the hot tub every night?

I said nothing else could ever feel so right...
well, this might!

Seeing my name up on that list,
that beats the first time that we kissed,
behind you was hiding a whole world outside,
and I've opened the door...

Look at that name in black and white,
it's like making love with you all night,
No, wait! It feels so much better,
hello, much better,

OhohohohohOH! MUCH better!
'Cuz I am so much better than before.

Elle:
Maybe now, she's got the ring.

Ensemble:
Lots of things could change this spring.

Elle:
Maybe I'll get one more shot.

Ensemble:
She might say yes,

Elle:
And I might not!
Maybe I'm a bigger threat-

Ensemble:
Maybe you're a better bet!

Elle:
Better start agreeing,

Ensemble:
Why?

Elle:
maybe you're not seeing
my name up on that list,
sure beats the first time that we kissed,
Throw me out on the street,
I get back on my feet,
I'm completely hardcore!

I've got my name in black and white,
and I have not begun to fight,
but I feel so much better,
hello much better,
C'mon! Let's go, I can go much better,

I am so much better-

I dreamed of your name next to my own,
but mine's looking fine up there alone,
oh wait, where's my phone?!?
Mom's gotta be shown,
she will fall on the floor!

Look at my name in black and white,
Your daughters doing something right!

And it feels so much better,
Hello, much better,
I know how far I can go,
much better,

'Cuz I am SO much better,

I am so much better,
I am so much better...

than before!!!!

[Thanks to Amy Brown for corrections]

BROOkE
Hi, i'm Brooke wyndham and welcome back to
the wyndham workout disc Two Challenge and
our daily commitment to being the best that we
can be!

FiT pEOplE
Yeah!

BROOkE
So grab your Cardiowhyp 5000?... 'Cause if
you want to get ripped?
You've gotta get... whypped!
Do you want an easy miracle?
Do you wanna lose a pound or two?
Then you can turn this off right now:
My workout's not for you.
I'm talkin' to the woman who wants it all:
Gotta pay for what you get.
'Cause Size 2 clothes
Don't come to those
Too lazy to sweat!

BROOkE & FiT pEOplE
I want you whipped into shape!
When I say "jump" say 'how high?'
You know you're doin' it right
When you start to cry!
If you don't look like you should,
You got to
Whip it! Whip it!
Whip it good!
I'm sorry, ladies, no escape...
'Til you're whipped into shape!

BROOkE
Come on Sabrina, you heifer, work it out!

FiT pEOplE
Whipped into shape!

SABRiNA
i hate you Brooke, and i love you for it.

BROOkE & FiT pEOplE
Whipped into sh--
ENid
Hey, why'd you pause it?

CAllAHAN
we have a lot to cover.
Meet our brand new client, Brooke.
You can laugh, but she's made tons
Off her DVDs and book:
"Whip Your Way to Tighter Buns."
Happily married, so she swears,
To her sixty-year-old stud...
'Til stepdaughter came downstairs
And found Brooke all covered in his blood.
If Brooke took a plea,
I'd have her out in three to four,
But she claims she did not kill him...

wARNER
Did she?

CAllAHAN
... Let's watch some more...
BROOkE
But it's more than just a workout,
It's a defensive weapon too:
Simply wrap it 'round your
assailant's neck
Then pull 'til he turns blue.
You can also use the patented
handle grip
To shatter your attacker's spine...
And all for three small payments of

BROOkE & FiT pEOplE
Nineteen ninety-nine!
You'll have him
Whipped into shape!
When you get grief from a guy,
Just work him over with this
'Til he starts to cry!
If he don't act like he should,
You got to
Whip it!
Whip it!
Whip it good!
It gets you out of any scrape,
And gets you
Whipped into shape!

BROOkE
Come on, people!
Elle and Paulette (Orfeh) meet Kyle the UPS man (Andy Karl)
Elle and Company let Harvard know "What You Want"

BROOkE & FiT pEOplE
Whipped into shape!

BROOkE
what does not kill us makes us hotter!
W--

CAllAHAN
Hands, who thinks she's guilty? ...
Okay now,
Here is where you kids come in:
Brooke has trouble trusting me.
I'm her only chance to win,
But I don't speak MTV.
Though Brooke won't help her own defense,
She may listen to her peers.
Go and place a little sense
In the space between her ears.

EllE
i'm a delta...

CAllAHAN
Not now.
I want her whipped into shape.
If there's a brain in that hair,
Tell it that I am the key:
It's a plea
Or the chair.
See, When I talk to her I
Get neither plea, nor plan, nor alibi.
To quote from our defendant's tape:
I want her "whipped into shape"!
To the jail!

BROOkE
ladies, just because we're in the Boston
women's Correctional Facility does not mean
we can't become the best we can be.
Here we go! Circle circle under over through
around. Again! Good!
Circle circle under over through around.
Alright ladies, we can't break out of here but we
sure can break a sweat!
left, right! left, right! Good!

BROOkE & iNMATES
left! Right! left! Right! left! Right!

BROOkE
work! it! Out!

BROOkE & iNMATES
I want you whipped into shape!
When I say jump, say 'how high?'
You'll know you're doing it right,
When you start to cry!
If you don't look like you should,

BROOkE
You got to

iNMATES
Whip it!
Whip it!
Whip it good!

BROOkE
Like prison, ladies:
No escape!

iNMATES
Hunh!

BROOkE
'Til you're
Whipped into shape!
Whipped into sha-a-a-ape!

iNMATES
Whip it!
Whip it!
Whip it!
Whip it!

BROOkE
Swipe it swipe it swipe it through,
Jack it out! Double jump!

iNMATES
Swipe it swipe it swipe it through,
Jack it out! Double jump!
BROOkE
Thats right! You've got it!

BROOkE & iNMATES
whip it, whip it,
whip it, get
whipped into shape!

[Thanks to Elizabeth for lyrics]

[Thanks to Stephanieeee for corrections]

Take it like a man
(Talking)

Emmett:
What is this place?

Elle:
It's called a Department Store.

Emmett:
It's... It's beautiful.

Elle:
Shhh...

(singing)
Elle:
First a deep breath
Take it all in
Feel all those halogens warming your skin
Smell how they pump in pure oxygen.
See they care.

(talking)
Lady:
Love?

Emmett:
Excuse me?

Lady:
Love, the fragrance from Chanel.

Emmett:
Oh. No thank you.

(singing)
Elle:
Don't be afraid
You're here with me
You can have anything here that you see
I'm gonna treat you like royalty.
So prepare, cause something's in the air.

(talking)
Emmett:
I think its love

Elle:
Exactly!

(singing)
Elle:
Here you'll become what your suppose to be
You think you can't but you can.
Think of the guy you want most to be.
Here's your chance to make it
So take it like a man.

Emmett:
Where do I look?
Boy am I lost.
What do I want? And how much will it cost?
What kind of line have I finally crossed?
What's that smell?

(talking)
Guy:
Subtext, by Calvin Klein.

(singing)
Emmett:
Those I don't like,
That's kind of neat.
Guys who wear that get beat up on my street.
Still I've come this far, I can't retreat.
In my shell, okay than what the hell...
I'm with Elle!

Both:
Here you'll become what your suppose to be
You think you can't but you can.
Think of the guy you want most to be.
Here's your chance to make it
So take it like a man.

Elle:
God, I love shopping for guys!

Emmett:
This is very strange.

Elle:
Watching them change right before my eyes.

Emmett:
Don't watch me change.

Elle:
Look at you striking a pose.
Your confidence grows.
You bloom like a rose.

Emmett:
Its just clothes

Elle:
God I love shopping for men.
Emmett:
Okay, this is nice.
Elle:
And what can the two that walk out of ten
Emmett:
Is this the price?

Elle:
Don't worry this is my treat,
There's someone I'd like you to meet.

(talking)
Both:
Whoa.

Emmett:
I look like Warner.
Elle:
Yeah.
Emmett:
But it's just me.

(singing)
Elle:
That's the best part
The outside is new.
But now it reflects, what's already in you.
Couldn't change that if I wanted to
And I... do not.

(talking)
Emmett:
Thank You

Elle:
Thank You.

(singing)
Elle:
This is no gift,
It's payment in kind,
Cause you saw behind all the blonde to my mind
Oh, we've got to buy this,
What are you blind?
You look hot... .
Is he not hot??... ?

Background:
Here you'll become what your suppose to be
You think you can't but you can.
Think of the guy you want most to be.

Emmett:
That guy's not anywhere close to me

Elle:
You could be him if you chose to be.
And I'm his greatest fan.

Elle:
Here's your chance to make it(Your chance to make it)
So take it like... (So take it like)

Everyone:
A man!!!
A man!!!
A man!!!

Serena:
Look at my ass
Look at my thighs
I'm cat nip to the guys
They chase my tail
They drool and pant
Wanna touch this
But they can't

(All)
NO!

Serena:
All the boys wanna come and play
Snap my fingers and they obey
Why do they follow me 'round all day?
Watch me while I walk away

(All)
I bend and snap

(Serena)
Feel how hot it's gettin'

(All)
Bend and snap

(Serena)
I bet right now you're sweatin'

(All)
Spring the trap
They cheer and clap

(Serana)
No tight end
Can defend
Against the bend and snap

(Paulette)
Oh, that's easy for you to say

(Margot)
And you
Girl, if you wanna make the team
Then make some self-esteem

(Pilar)
The more you jump around and scream
Then the sexier you seem

(Paulette)
Please
Sorry girls, that ain't how I play
This wouldn't work if I tried all day
I gotta go get my asthma spray
Watch me while I walk away

(Margot)
No wait before you walk away
Just...

(All)
Bend and snap

(Paulette)
OW!

(Margot)
Look how good you're getting

(All)
Bend and snap

(Pilar)
I'ma bet right now you sweatin'

(All)
Spring the trap
They cheer and clap

(Serena)
So depend
On your friend
Called the...

(All)
Bend and snap

(Elle)
It's not the time to overthink
Just try it once, he'll buy you a drink

(Random girl)
Excuse me, would you teach me that
I am tired of living alone with my cat

(Elle)
Sure

(Hair stylist)
Now a days I do dye jobs and curls
But here's how we did it in the Laker girls
Come on, Paulette

(Margot)
Doesn't this look fun

(Serena)
Look, just do it and we'll go away

(Paulette)
Okay, okay, okay, okay

(All)
Bend and snap

(Guys)
Damn!

(Paulette)
Hey wait a second
When I beckoned
Look how the guys came running
Like I'm...'

(Guys)
Kickin'

(Paulette)
Finger...'

(Guys)
Lickin'

(Paulette)
Like I'm friggin', wicked stunnin'

(Guys)
Friggin', wicked, stunnin'

(Paulette)
Will you pay for stuff I buy

(Guys)
Yes

(Paulette)
And bake me cake and pie

(Guys)
Yes

(Paulette)
And hold me when I cry

(Guys)
Yes

(Paulette)
And I will tell you why
I'm took rockin' to walk away
All the boys come and gawk away
Droppin' jaws from a block away
Watchin' how I walk away

(Guys)
We love to watch her walk away

(Paulette)
I bend...

(All)
and snap

(Paulette)
Feel how hot it's gettin'
Bend and...

(All)
and snap

(Paulette)
I'ma bet right now your sweatin'

(All)
Spring the trap
They cheer and clap

(Paulette)
I depend on my friend

(All)
Go Paulette, Go Paulette

(Paulette)
I depend on my friend

(All)
Go, go, go Paulette

(Paulette)
I depend on my friend
Called the bend and snap

Riffing untill end dialogue...

[Thanks to Kelsey for lyrics]

[Thanks to Eric Walker for corrections]

Elle:
There! Right There!
Look at that tan, that tinted skin.
Look at the killer shape he's in.
Look at that slightly stubly chin.
Oh Please he's gay, totally gay.

Calahan:
I'm not about to celebrate.
Every trait could indicate the totally straight expotriate.
This guy's not gay, i say not gay.

All:
That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to assume
that a man who wears perfume
is automatically matically fay?

Emmett:
But look at his quoft and crispy locks.

Elle:
Look at his silk translucent socks.

Calahan:
There's the eternal paradox.
Look what we're seeing.

Elle:
What are we seeing?

Calahan:
Is he gay?

Elle:
Of course he's gay.

Calahan:
Or European?

All:
ohhhhhh.
Gay or European?
It's hard to guarantee
Is he gay or european?

Warner:
Well, hey don't look at me.

Vivian:
You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.
They play peculiar sports.

All:
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks.
They will say things like "ciao bella"
while they kiss you on both cheeks.

Elle:
Oh please.

All:
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.

Warner:
Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.

All:
Is he gay or European?
or

Eden:
There! Right There!
Look at that condescending smirk.
Seen it on every guy at work.
That is a metro-hetro jerk.
That guy's not gay, i say no way.

All:
That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to presume
that a hottie in that costume

Elle:
Is automatically-radically

Calahan:
ironically-cronically

Vivian:
scurtinly-curtainly

Warner:
genetically-netically

All:
GAY!
OFFICIALLY GAY!
OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY
DAMMIT

Gay or European?

Calahan:
So stylish and relaxed.

All:
Is he gay or European?

Calahan:
I think his chest is waxed.

Vivian:
But they bring their boys up different there.
It's culturally diverse.
It's not a fashion curse.

All:
If he wears a kilt or bears a purse.
Gay or just exotic?
I still can't crack the code.

Brooke:
Yet his accent is hypnotic
but his shoes are pointy toed.

All:
Huh.
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.

Judge:
But if he turns out straight I'm free at 8 on saturday.

All:
Is he gay or European?
gay or european?
Gay or Euro-

Emmett:
Wait a minute!
Give me a chance to crack this guy.
I have an idea I'd like to try.

Calahan:
The floor is yours.

Emmett:
So Mr. Argitacos...
This alleged affair with Ms. Windam has been going on for...?

Ricos:
2 years.

Emmett:
And your first name again is...?

Nicos:
Nicos.

Emmett:
And your boyfriend's name is...?

Nicos:
Carlos.
I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You say boyfriend.
I thought you say best friend. Carlos is my best friend.

Carlos:
You bastard!
You lying bastard!
That's it.
I no cover for you, no more!
Peoples.
I have a big announcement.
This man is Gay and European!
you've got to stop your being
a completely closet case.
No matter what he say.
I sware he never ever ever swing the other way.
You are so gay.
You big parfait!
You flaming boy in cabaret.

Nicos:
I'm straight!

Carlos:
You were not yesterday.
So if I may, I'm proud to say,
He's gay!

All:
And European!

Carlos:
He's gay!

All:
And European!

Carlos:
He's gay!

All:
And European and Gay!

Nicos:
Fine okay I'm gay!

All:
Hooray!

Nicos and Carlos:
Fine. Okay. We're gay!

[Thanks to Kelsey for lyrics]

Elle:
Tack back the books and pack up the clothes
Clear out the room and drop off the key
Leave with what's left of my dignity
Get in the car, and just go.

Chalk it all up to experience,
They said i'd fail but i disagree
Who could say then where my path would lead?
Well now i know

Back to the sun, back to the shore
Back to what i was before
Back where i'm known
Back in my own very small pond

Laugh with my friends when i arrive
We'll drop the top and just drive.
That's fine with me, just let me be
Legally blonde.

Elle: (sung)
Thanks for your help and for all you've done,
Thank you for treating me decently.

Emmett: (spoken)
what's wrong?

Elle: (sung)
Maybe someday you can visit me
Give me a call, say hello

Emmett: (sung)
Wait, where are you going?

Elle:
I'm sorry i'm letting down everyone.

Emmett:
What brought on this?

Elle:
You did your best with a hopeless case.

Emmett:
That's ludicrous

Both:
You are the best thing about this place.

Emmett:
Now you should know -

Elle: (interuppting, spoken)
-Callahan hit on me

Emmett: (spoken)
What?

Elle:
He kissed me, he fired me, there's no reason for me to stay

Emmett: (sung)
What about love?
I never mentioned love
The timings bad I know
But perhaps if I made it more clear
That you belong right here
You wouldn't have to go
Cause you know that I'm so much in love.
Please don't go.
We both know we're meant so much more.

Elle: (sung at same time as last 3 lines)
Back to the sun, back to the shore.
Back to who i was before.
Lay on the beach, dream within reach
don't stray beyond
some girls fight hard, some face the trial, some girls were just meant to smile

Emmett:
If you can hear can I just say, how much I want you to stay?

Elle:
It's not up to me
Just let me be
Legally blonde.

Emmett:
I need you to stay.

Elle:
It's not up to me
Just let me be
Legally blonde.

[Thanks to Jenny, Amy for lyrics]

Legally Blonde Remix

Vivienne (SPOKEN)
Maybe Warner saw a blonde who was sleeping her way to the top, but I see a woman who doesn't have to.
(SUNG)
I used to pray for the day you'd leave
swore up and down you did not belong,
but when I'm wrong then I say I'm wrong,
and I was wrong about you.
So Listen up!

I see no end to what you'll achieve,
that's only if you don't turn and run.
You've proved it to me now show everyone what you can do,
and you look great in dark blue.

Get back in the game, (Oooh)
back on the case, (Oooh)
take a good look at my face. (Oooh)
I'm not a fool, (Oooh)
and as a rule, (Oooh)
I do not fight. (Never known her to fight!)

But I see a star! (Ooh sha'la la)
You're my new muse, (Ooh sha'la la)
you've got the best friggin shoes. (Ooh sha'la la. Oooh)

Vivienne and Ensemble:
And you lit a fuse,
so go show 'em who's,
Legally Blonde.

Yes you lit a fuse,
so go show 'em who's,
Legally...

Elle: (SPOKEN)
Sorry Vivenne, I'm never wearing that again.

Paulette: (SPOKEN)
Um, honey, you're in the supply closet!

I know! I said I'm never wearing THAT again... I'm wearing THIS!
(SUNG)
Back in the game, (Yes!)
back to the trial, (Yes!)
but I'm going back my style. (Back in her style)

Girls it's a fact, (Yes!)
When you're attacked, (Yes!)
Gotta respond! (Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta respond)

Hand me my dog, (Dog!)
hand me my bag, (Bag!)
and that American Flag! (Proud to be American!)

Nobody screws, (No?)
nobody who's, (Who?)
Legally Blonde!

Ensemble:
Get on your feet 'cause she's Legally Blonde,
take to the street 'cause she's Legally blonde,
there's no retreat when you're Legally Blonde!
Yea!

Dont be afraid to be legally blonde!
Join the parade cuz shes--

Elle's mom: (spoken)
Honey Look, she's leading a parade!

Elle: (spoken)
Mom and Dad?!

Elle's Mom: (spoken)
Get a picture!

Man: (sung)
Just one more piece cuz she's--

Ensemble: (sung)
Legally Blonde!

Man: (spoken)
Everyone say cheese!

Girl: (spoken)
No! say legally blonde!

All: (spoken)
Legally Blonde!

(sung)
cuz shes legally blonde!
cuz shes legally blonde!
cuz shes legally blonde!

Delta Nu Girls: (spoken)
Omigod, ELLE!

Elle: (spoken)
Thanks great chorus, but i dont need voices in my head today!

Delta Nu Girls: (spoken)
Honey, its US, the girls from Delta Nu!

(sung)
we came to see our president be legally blonde!

Ensemble: (sung)
you got a right to be legally blonde!
you gotta fight to be legally blonde!

Kyle: (spoken)
Paulette, ive got another package.

Paulette: (spoken)
Thanks, Kyle B. O'Boyle. Hey, what does the B stand for?

Kyle: (spoken)
Brendan

(long musical break)

Ensemble: (sung)
Back in the game
back in the break

Brooke: (sung)
Get the hell outta the way!
Mr. you're fired!

Callahan: (spoken)
What?

Brooke: (sung)
Guess who I hired?

Callahan: (spoken)
Who?

Brooke: (sung)
To represent me
You gotta be LEGALLY BLONDE!

Ensemble: (sung)(several times)
Legally Blonde oh yeah!

[Thanks to Stephen for lyrics]

[Thanks to Jillian Reimer, Jamal Opiuty for corrections]

(Warner has just proposed to Elle)
ELLE: Though I dreamed of this day long ago,
Now my answer is thank you, but no.
Look, I've barely begun; I'm hardly through...
I was living in ignorant bliss,
'Til I learned I could be more than this! (Gestures to her hair.)
And, you know, in a way I owe it all to you!
I though losing your love was a blow I could never withstand...
Look how far I have come without anyone holding my hand.
I had to find my way.
The day you broke my heart,
You handed me the chance,
To make a brand new start;
You helped me find my way.
There's still so much to learn,
So many dreams to earn.
But even if I crash and burn ten time a day...
I think I'm here to stay.
I'm gonna find my way.

(We are now at Elle's graduation.)

VIVIENNE: (Spoken) William Shakespeare once wrote: "To thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day.
Thou canst not be false to any man." I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman - a blonde woman. Over the past
three years, she taught me and showed us all that being true to yourself never goes out of style! Ladies and gentlemen, our
valedictorian... ELLE WOODS!

(Applause)

ELLE: (Spoken) Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2...

PAULETTE: Here's the part where she gives her big speech. We're so proud, but Elle's not one to preach. So, she said we
could play, "Where Are They Now?" Here we go!
Enid practices family law,
Vivienne's trainin' for the Peace Corps.
Warner quits, and he makes more modeling anyhow!
Callahan ran for governor but was deafeated OF COURSE!
And his wife hired Emmet to handle their messy divorce!
And me, I think I'll find my way!
And HEY! I married Kyle.
And now we have two kids,
And one more on the way and we live out in Worcester.
I bought a new salon,
We also feature dog-grooming!
Here! Take a couple cards!
Oops... Sorry, back to Elle...

ELLE: I thank you one and all,
The ones who thought I'd fall.
Who taught me how to fail;
Who helped me to prevail!

ELLE & VIVIENNE: I'm standing here today...

ENID/PAULETTE/VIVIENNE: 'Cause you helped me find my way!

ELLE: Oh, and if you could give me one second before we all go...
Emmet Forrest? Please make me the happiest woman I know!

EMMET: Oh my... Oh my... Oh my God! ...My God!

CHORUS: Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my God!
Oh my God! Omigod you guys!
Granted, not a complete surprise!
But if there ever was a perfect couple
This one qualifies!

ELLE & EMMET: And now I found my love!

CHORUS: My God!

ELLE & EMMET: I found my way to love!

CHORUS: You guys!

ELLE & EMMET: I finally found my prize!

CHORUS: If there ever was a perfect couple,
This one qualifies!
'Cause we love you guys!

ELLE & EMMET: No, we love you guys!

CHORUS: Omigod!

ELLE & EMMET: Omigod!

ALL: You guys!
OMIGOD!

[Thanks to Andreas Wyder for lyrics]

Delta Nu's:
Daughter of Delta Nu
Sweetheart since club days
Please let us help you through

Margot:
She's eating Milky Ways

Delta Nu's:
No No way etc etc

Serena:
Ladies
I think he should be shot
And let me tell you what
I don't think he's that hot

Margot:
I DO!

Serena:
Well You're a slut!

Margot:
Look who is talking!

Pilar:
Uh uh Three words
Spring Break Cabo

Delta Nu's:
Oh bam etc etc

Elle:
Girls Girls
Must we all descend into madness

Pilar:
Oh hunni
So good to see you
Look we brought you new magazines
We got Town and Country
And you're favorite, the one they named after you
ELLE MAGAZINE!

Elle:
Thanks Pilar
but i think its going to take more
than Elle and Town and Country
to pull me back from my shame spiral

Margot:
Well then sweetie
You are just going to have to hold on
Cuz the new Vogue is not out till next week!

Elle:
AAAHH

Margot:
WHAT!
Don't tell me ponchos are back in!

Elle:
No...Worse!
Its Warner's brother, Payton Hunington IV and his bride!
Pictures from their wedding...look!

Delta Nu's:
Oh ouch etc etc

Serena:
Muffy Vanderbilt

Serena, Margot, Pilar:
HAHAHAHA
MUFFY!

[Thanks to Joseph Adams for lyrics]