Mighty Mouse Theme (Here I Come to Save the Day) .......... The Sandpipers

The Great Beyond .......... R.E.M.

Kiss You All Over .......... Exile

Angela (Theme from Taxi) .......... Bob James

Tony Thrown Out .......... Anonymous

Man On The Moon .......... R.E.M.

This Friendly World .......... R.E.M.

Miracle .......... Anonymous

Lynne And Andy .......... Anonymous

Rose Marie .......... Andy Kaufman

Andy Gets Fired .......... Anonymous

I Will Survive .......... Tony Clifton

Milk And Cookies .......... Anonymous

Man on the Moon (Orchestral) .......... R.E.M.

One More Song For You .......... Andy Kaufman

[Applause.]

[ANNOUNCER:] Welcome back to Saturday Night Live!
And now, as a special treat on our first show,
musical guest Andy Kaufman!

[Applause. A record begins to play.]

Mister Trouble never hangs around
When he hears this Mighty sound:

"Here I come to save the day!"

That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way!

Yes sir, when there is a wrong to right
Mighty Mouse will join the fight
On the sea or on the land
He gets the situation well in hand

So though we are in danger
We never despair
'Cause we know that where there's danger
He is there!
He is there! On the land! On the sea! In the air!

We're not worryin' at all
We're just listenin' for his call:

"Here I come to save the day!"

That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way!

[GEORGE:] You know, you show a lot of promise, and, um,
my concern is that I don't know where to
book you. Uh, you're not a stand-up, and, uh,
your act doesn't exactly translate itself
to films, so ... so help me! Where do you
see yourself?

[ANDY:] Well, I've always wanted to play Carnegie Hall.

[GEORGE:] Ha! Hee! You're insane!
But you might also be brilliant.

I've watched the stars fall silent from your eyes
All the sights that I have seen
I can't believe that I believed I wished that you could see
There's a new planet in the solar system
There is nothing up my sleeve

I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs
I'm tossing up punchlines that were never there
Over my shoulder, a piano falls
Crashing to the ground

In all this talk of time, talk is fine
But I don't want to stay around
Why can't we pantomime,
Just close our eyes and sleep sweet dreams,
Being here with wings on our feet?

I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs
I'm tossing up punchlines that were never there
Over my shoulder, a piano falls
Crashing to the ground
I'm breaking through
I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the Great Beyond

I want the hummingbirds, the dancing bears
Sweetest dreams of you
I'll look into the stars
I'll look into the moon

I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs
I'm tossing up punchlines that were never there
Over my shoulder, a piano falls
Crashing to the ground
I'm breaking through
I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the Great Beyond

I'm breaking through
I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the Great
Answers from the Great
Answers

I'm breaking through
I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the Great Beyond

I'm breaking through
I'm bending spoons
(Here's a little agit for the never-believer)
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
(Here's a little ghost for the offering)
I'm looking for answers from the Great
Answers from the Great
Answers

I'm breaking through
I'm bending spoons
(Here's a little agit for the never-believer)
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
(Here's a little ghost for the offering)
I'm looking for answers from the Great Beyond

[BOB:] Look, uh ... Tony Clifton is gonna go on Taxi
next week, and that should ... uh, uh ...
let him blow off steam and relieve the stress, K?

[GEORGE:] Bob... Bob, Bob, Bob. Andy needs to relax.
This is your job: You have to take him away
from all of this!

[Doorbell rings.]

[BOB: (clears throat)] It's a kind of a big day.
It's, uh, my buddy's first time with a
prostitute.

[WOMAN:] What are you talking about? Andy comes here
almost every weekend.

[BOB:] Who? Andy?! [laughs]

[WOMAN:] Oh, he doesn't always call himself that.
Sometimes he's "Tony," and he wears a tux.

[BOB:] Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

When I get home, babe
Gonna light your fire
All day, I've been thinkin' about you, babe
You're my one desire

Gonna wrap my arms around you
Hold you close to me
Oh, babe, I wanna taste your lips
I wanna fill your fantasy, yeah

I don't what I'd do without you, babe
Don't know where I'd be
You're not just another lover
No, you're everything to me

Everytime I'm with you, baby
I can't believe it's true
When you're layin' in my arms
And you do the things you do

You can see it in my eyes
I can feel it in your touch
You don't have to say a thing
Just let me show how much

Love you, need you, yeah

I wanna kiss you all over
And over again
I wanna kiss you all over
Till the night closes in
Till the night closes in

Stay with me, lay with me
Holding me, loving me, baby
Here with me, near with me
Feeling you close to me, baby

So show me, show me ev'rything you do
'Cause baby, no one does it quite like you

Love you, need you, oh babe

I wanna kiss you all over
And over again
I wanna kiss you all over
Till the night closes in
Till the night closes in

Till the night closes in
Till the night closes in
Till the night closes in

[ANDY:] If I gave you both 300 dollars, would you, um,
come to Hollywood, and help me destroy a TV show?

[Instrumental]

[TONY:] I got 20 bucks that you work for me now!
I would like to use a phone!

[MAN:] Not on the lot, sir.

[TONY:] How about a bathroom? I may have @$%& in my pants!
Drink of water?

[MAN:] No.

[TONY:] Aspirin?

[MAN:] No.

[TONY:] Moist towelette?

[MAN:] No.

[TONY:] In that case, it has been a honor,
and a good daaaayyy!!!

Instrumental

Mott the Hoople and the game of LIFE
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Andy Kaufman in the wrestling match
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Monopoly, 21, checkers and chess
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Mr. Fred Blassie in a breakfast mess
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Let's play Twister, let's play Risk
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'll see you in heaven if you make the list
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Now Andy, did you hear about this one?
Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
Andy, are you goofing on Elvis?
Hey baby, are we losing touch?

If you believed they put a man on the moon
Man on the moon
If you believed there's nothing up their sleeve
Then nothing is cool

Moses went walking with the staff of wood
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Newton got beaned by the apple good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Egypt was troubled by the horrible asp
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Mr. Charles Darwin had the gall to ask
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Now Andy, did you hear about this one?
Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
Hey Andy, are you goofing on Elvis?
Hey baby, are you having fun?

If you believed they put a man on the moon
Man on the moon
If you believed there's nothing up their sleeve
Then nothing is cool

Here's a little agit for the never-believer
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Here's a little ghost for the offering
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Here's a truck stop instead of St. Peter's
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Mr. Andy Kaufman's gone wrestling (wrestling bears)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Now Andy, did you hear about this one?
Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
Hey Andy, are you goofing on Elvis?
Hey baby, are we losing touch?

If you believed they put a man on the moon
Man on the moon
If you believed there's nothing up their sleeve
Then nothing is cool

If you believed they put a man on the moon
Man on the moon
If you believed there's nothing up their sleeve
Then nothing is cool

If you believed they put a man on the moon
Man on the moon
If you believed there's nothing up his sleeve
Then nothing is cool

If you believed they put a man on the moon
Man on the moon
If you believed there's nothing up his sleeve
Then nothing is cool

[ANDY:] Hi, Michael.

[MICHAEL:] Hi, Andy. Thanks for joining us. Do you
wanna ... you wanna sing a song together?

[ANDY:] Sure! Is it a sweet song?

[MICHAEL:] Yeah, it's real sweet.

[ANDY:] O.K.!

[They laugh.]

[MICHAEL:]
In this friendly, friendly world
With each day so full of joy
Why should any heart be lonely?

[ANDY:] My turn!
In this friendly, friendly world
With each night so full of dreams
Why should any heart be afraid?

The world is ...

[MICHAEL & ANDY:]
... such a wonderful place
To wander through
When you've got someone you love

[MICHAEL:]
To wander along with you

[ANDY:] O.K., now take every second word! With ...
[MICHAEL:] ... the ...
[ANDY:] ... sky ...
[MICHAEL:] ... so ...
[ANDY:] ... full ...
[MICHAEL:] ... of ...
[ANDY:] ... stars

[MICHAEL:] And ...
[ANDY:] ... the ...
[MICHAEL:] ... river ...
[ANDY:] ... so ...
[MICHAEL:] ... full ...
[ANDY:] ... of ...
[MICHAEL:] ... song, Every ...

[ANDY:] ... heart ...
[MICHAEL:] ... should ...
[ANDY:] ... be ...
[MICHAEL:] ... so ...
[ANDY:] ... thankful
It's a friendly world! Don't you think so, Michael?

[MICHAEL:] Yup!

[TONY:] Oh yeah?! What's so friendly about it?!!
This is Tony Clifton, and, and I demand a part in
this song! I'm just as big a part of the movie as
these guys are! And, and I will not sit back while
some sought-after Colonel Kurtz wanna-be, uh, uh
has his day in the sun! I think he's enough
boring! I think, um, uh-uh, Michael here should, uh
sit this one out! At least the next verse, or so!

[ANDY:] Is that O.K., Michael?

[MICHAEL:] O.K.

[ANDY:] I don't think you have a choice.

[MICHAEL: (laughs)] O.K.

[TONY:]
The world is such a wonderful place
Ha! to wander a-through!
Ah, when you've got someone you luh-huuuv
Ah, to wander along, ah, with yooo-hoooooo!
O.K., you go...

[MICHAEL:] With the sky so full of stars
[ANDY:] And the river so full of song
[MICHAEL:] Welcome back, Andy. Every heart should be ...
[MICHAEL & ANDY:] ... so thankful

[ANDY:] Thankful for this friendly, friendly world
Thank you, Michael!

[MICHAEL:] Thanks, Andy!

[ANDY:] Thank you all for this friendly, friendly world!

[TONY:] Thanks for nothing! K, where's the girls?
They in a chopper? The guy's got a chopper, right?

Instrumental

[ANDY:] Hey!

[LYNNE: (laughing)] What?

[ANDY:] Wanna go to Memphis and get married?

[Pause.]

[LYNNE:] Do I wanna go to Memphis and get married?

[ANDY:] Mm hmm...

[LYNNE:] Wha-haa? (Pauses, then changes tone.) Why Memphis?

[ANDY:] Because Memphis is the wrestling capital of the
world. I'll get up in the ring, and I'll announce that the
I'll marry the FIRST woman who beats me. Then you can get up,
and we'll wrestle, and I'll let you win, and ...

[LYNNE:]
You'll let me win? [laughs.]

[ANDY:] ... yes, I'll let you win. I'll let you. Then we'll run
off and get married on the David Letterman show.

[LYNNE:] God.

[ANDY:] O.K.? (He kisses her.) Whaddaya say?

[LYNNE:] Is this for real?

[Instrumental]

[As piano is played, audience laughs.]

La da da da da, da da da da da da
Oh Rose, my Rose Marie

[Light applause.]

Oh Rose Marie, I love you
I'm always dreaming of you
No matter what I do, I can't forget you
Sometimes I wish that I never met you

And yet, if I should lose you
Would mean my very life to me
Of all the queens that ever lived, I choose you
To rule me, my Rose Marie

Of all the queens that ever lived, I choose you
To rule me, my Rose Marie

La da da-da da da, da da da da da da
Oh Rose, my Rose Marie

[Heavy applause.]

[Instrumental]

TONY: Hey, how are y'all doin'? Where ya from?
Yeah yeah yeah ... Yeah yeah yeah yeah!

[Audience laughs.]

Whoa! Somebody's wearing a lot of perfume around here!
Must be that time of the month!

[Audience groans.]

Huh? Yeah, I know all the tricks. A-how ya doin'?
Ya happen to be enjoying the pasta campanara?
Appears as though ya are! Whoops, hey! Look out!
I think you sat on some cottage cheese! Oh, pardon
me, that's your __! K?

First I was afraaaaid
I was pyoo-trified
Kept thinking I could never live
Ah, without you by my sy-eeed
But then I spent so many nights
Ah, thinking how you did me wrong
And I ... grew ... STRONG!
And I learned to get along

And now you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here
With that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have asked you for the key
If I had known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me

Go on now, GO! Walk out the door!
Don't turn around now
You're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one that tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crum-bill
Did you think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not I
I will sur-vee-heeeev
As long as i know how to love
I know I will stay a-leeeev
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will sur-vee-hee-heeeev!
I will sur-vee-hee-heeeev!
I will sur-veeeeeeeeeeeev!
I ... a-will ... sur-veeeeeeeeeeeeeeev!!!

Heeeey...Ah!!!
I will sur-veev!
I will sur-veev!
I will sur-veev!
I will sur-vee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-heev!

[Heavy applause...]

[...Heavy applause.]

[ANDY:] Since you've all been such good boys and girls,
I would like to take everybody in this entire
audience out for milk and cookies! There are
busses outside! Everybody, follow me!!!
...

Don't worry, folks! There's enough milk and
cookies for everyone!

Instrumental

[ANDY:] ... and, and, and ... (clears throat) I hope to
see you again soon, and I love you, and thank you
very much! Now, till we meet again ...

Well, it's time to say goodbye
It's been good having you so near
Although I've got to leave, it's the end
I'll always be staying right here

So, my friends, goodbye
It's just about that time
Wish that I could do
Just one more song for you

[Applause.]

[ANDY:] Goodbye, everybody, thank you! Goodnight!
O.K., O.K.! Goodnight! I love ya! O.K., O.K.! Boy!
Goodbye! Boy, what a bunch of sheep! I tell you