Overture (Instrumental)

A Weekend At Hareford

Thinking of No One But Me

The Family Solicitor

Me and My Girl

An English Gentleman

An English Gentleman (Reprise)

You Would, If Could

Hold My Hand

The Family Solicitor (1st Reprise)

Once You Lose Your Heart

The Preparation Fugue (Instrumental)

The Lambeth Walk

Entr'acte (Instrumental)

The Sun Has Got His Hat On

Take it on the Chin

The Family Solicitor (2nd Reprise)

Song Of Hareford

Once You Lose Your Heart (Reprise)

Love Makes the World Go 'Round

Leaning on a Lamppost

Lambeth Ballet (Instrumental)

Finale: Love Makes the World Go 'Round / Me and My Girl (Reprises)

Curtain Call: The Lambeth Walk (Reprise) / Leaning On A Lamppost (Reprise) / The Lambeth Walk (Reprise)

If Only You'd Cared For Me

texttext

The season in London has started to bore.
There's nothing to do there you've not done before.
The people are tiresome.
The parties, a chore,
We just couldn't stay there for one minute more.

The weekends in London have lost all their fun.
Now Wimlbedon's over
The test match is done.
Now Henley has finished and Ascot has run,
It's time for the country, it's time for the sun.

There isn't any doubt about the best place we know.
It's Hareford Hall in Hampshire where the smart people go.
If the Duchess does invite you then you're top of the tree.
Thanks goodness, thank goodness she did write to me.
She did write to me.

The atmosphere will lighten when we all take the air.
And ev'rything will brighten when we find ourselves there.

You'll din no one will force you to waken at dawn.
There's breakfast in bed and there's lunch on the lawn.
And if there inches you'd like to work off.
There's swimming!
There's croquet!
There's tennis!
And golf!

Without equivocation we can all recommend
The noble institution of the Hareford weekend.
It has its social equal no-where else in the land,
There's no other home so stately and grand.
So stately and grand.

The atmosphere has heightened now we're near Hareford Hall.
The younger guests are frightened who've not been here at all.

But you're welcome so long as you keep to the rules,
The Duchess has never been partial to fools!
But really so long as you know what is done,
You're happy enjoying your place in the sun.

For a weekend at Hareford is simply divine.
The people, the parties, the food and the wine.
There's leisure and pleasure for every one.
You're happy enjoying your place in the sun.

It does seem such a pity that they can't find the heir.
The family solicitor has looked everywhere.
It's rumoured at the moment that he's tearing around.
The Duchess demands that the heir shall be found,
The heir shall be found.

Listen everybody for the news will soon be round,
The family solicitor has run the heir to ground.
There's not a doubt about it, there isn't any snag,
He's dug him out of somewhere and he's got him in the bag.
I've seen him, I've met him, he's here.
And almost any moment (almost any moment, almost moment)
Any blessed moment he'll appear.

Is he dark? Is he fair?
Do you think we shall care for the new Lord Hareford?
Is he short? Is he tall?
Do you think we shall fall for the new Lord Hareford?
Won't you tell us if you can, what you know about the man.
Is he what we all expect? Is he circumspect?
Is he weak? Is he strong?
Does he really belong? Is he all he should be?
Well very soon you will see him.
Very soon (very soon, very soon, very soon)
We shall see.

I once had a notion that we'd along.
I still have that notion but maybe I'm wrong.
The female emotion will thrive on,
I learn, a little investment
And plenty of return.

Me, I'm for the top of the tree
Just you look on and you'll see
What's going to happen to me

I want all that money can buy
I'll make my limit the sky
This is hurray and goodbye.

While I'm young and healthy
I'll find someone wealthy
Some rich city prize
With rings on his finger
And under his eyes.

Me, just you look up and you'll see
Me on the top of the tree
Thinking nothing of no one but me.

I'll make men so fond
That their pulses will stir
And I'll be the blonde
That the fellows prefer
The past that I clung to
Is now on the wing
Don't care where I'm flung to
I'm going to have my fling

Me, I'm for the top of the tree
Just you look on and you'll see

What's going to happen to me?

I Want all that money can buy
I'll make my limit the sky
This is hurray and goodbye.

While I'm young and healthy
I'll find someone wealthy
Some big city man
Who'll cancel the contract as soon as he can
Me, just you look up and you'll see
Me on the top of the tree
Thinking nothing of no one but -
Nothing of no one but me.

As the Family Solicitor
Here's my advice to you,
As the Family Solicitor
Here's what you ought to do,
For six and eight
I'll put you straight
If anything goes wrong
For I contend you must pretend
That life is one sweet song.

So, sing a little and dance a little,
Be gay a little and play a little,
Bring your troubles more and more
To the Family Solicitor.
Say a little and think a little
And eat a little and drink a little,
Keep a drop of the 'ninety-four'
For the Family Solicitor!

He'll take all your cases,
Keep you in your places,
Maybe save your faces,
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Hop a little and skip a little
And jump a little, let rip a little.
Thank your lucky stars once more
For the Family, the Family,
The Family Solicitor.

He'll take all our cases,
Keep us in our places.
Maybe save our faces!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Sing a little and dance a little,
Be gay a little and play a little,
Bring your troubles more and more
To the Family Solicitor!

Say a little and think a little
And eat a little and drink a little,
Keep a drop of the 'ninety-four'
For the Family Solicitor!

He'll take all your cases,
Keep you in your places,
Maybe save your faces,
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Hop a little and skip a little
And jump a little, let rip a little.
Thank your lucky stars once more
For the Family Solicitor.

Hop a little and skip a little
And jump a little, let rip a little.
Thank your lucky stars once more
For the Family Solicitor.

Hop a little and skip a little
And jump a little, let rip a little.
Thank your lucky stars once more
For the Family (Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!)
The Family (Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!)
For the Family Solici(tor.)

The Family Solicitor,
The Family Solicitor,
The Family Solicitor.

The Family Solicitor.

Life's an empty thing.
Life can be so awful lonesome
If you're always on your own some
Life's an empty thing.
Life's a diff'rent thing
When you've found the one and only,
Then you feel no longer lonely,
Life's a happy thing.

Ev'rything was topsy turvy,
Life seemed all wrong,
But it came all right
As soon as she came along.

Me and my girl,
Meant for each other,
Sent for each other,
And liking it so.
Me and my girl,
'Sno use pretending,
We knew the ending a long time ago.

Some little chruch with a big steeple,
Just a few people that both of us know
And we'll have love, laughter,
Be happy ever after,
Me and my girl.

Me and my girl,
Meant for each other,
Sent for each other,
And liking it so.
Me and my girl,
'Sno use pretending,
We knew the ending a long time ago.

Some little chruch with a big steeple,
Just a few people that both of us know
And we'll have love, laughter,
Be happy ever after,
Me-
and my girl.

William of Hareford is diametrically in reality
theoretically quite opposed
And that pathetic'ly, to all that appertains
to gentle folk.
So we face, with grave dubiety, this sad lack
of pure propriety.
He's no sense of High Society, the fellow even
calls himself a bloke!

He takes his food with a horrid zest, he eats
one half and he wares the rest!
Though it may be true that his blood is blue:
It is nothing like as purple as his language!

He's rough!
He's crude!
He's tough!
He's rude!
By all of us it's understood, he'll never make the noble rake
That constitutes a gentleman, an English gentleman!

We served him peas and they all shot forth to the east and west,
To the south and north!
Then he let one fly and it struck the eye of
Lady Margaret Leicester!
Poor Lady M. What a fearful bore, she's never had a pea in
her eye before!

He's rough!
He's crude!
He's tough!
(Bill - spoken) : More bleedin' chutney!
He's rude!
By all of us it's understood, he'll never make the noble rake
That constitutes a gentleman, an English gentleman.
That constitutes a gentleman, an English gentleman.

By all of us it's understood, he'll never make the noble rake
That constitutes a gentleman, an English gentleman.
That constitutes a gentleman, an English gentleman.

How I've looked for someone who
Plays up on my heart like you
Tall and dark and handsome and sweet
Someone who would take my heart
Maybe tear my soul apart
See I lay myself at your feet

You would, if you could
You would, and you should
And you would if you could
But I can't!

I'm sure that you can
I know you're a man
And you would if you could
But I shan't!

When you're a bad boy
You go my way
But you're a good boy
And so you say regretfully
You would, if you could
You could, and you should
And you would if you could
Oh it's impossible!

You would, if you could
You would, and you should
And you would if you could
But I don't!
Oh I'm sure that you'd do
Just look at the view
And you would if you could
But I won't!

You're like an apple
On top of the tree
I'd like to shake you
I'd like to see you
Falling for me.

You would, if you could
You could, and you should
And you would if you could-
Oh, Bill,
Oh I wish you would...

You require a lot of looking after.
That's one job in which I take a pride.
You can always make me smile, make my journey seem worthwhile.
Why not keep me always at your side to guide you?

Hold my hand
No matter what the weather,
Just you hold my hand,
We'll walk through life together,
For you'll find in me that kind of a friend
Who will see me through to the end.

So if you'll hold my hand
We both shall walk more steadily.
For understand, you hold my heart already in that dreamland:
Where I have planned that I shall hold your hand forever.

As the Family Solicitor
Here's my advice to you.
As the Family Solicitor -

Once you lose your heart,
Once somebody takes it,
From the place it rested in before.
Once you lose your heart,
Once somebody wakes it,
Then it isn't your heart anymore.
It's gone before you knew
It could ever go that way,
And now you must pursue it forever and a da-ay.

Once you lose your heart,
Once somebody takes it,
There's one thing certain from the start,
You'll find forever,
You've got to follow your heart.

It's gone before you knew
It could ever go that way,
And now you must pursue it forever and a da-ay.

Once you lose your heart,
Once somebody takes it,
There's one thing certain from the start,
You'll find forever,
You've got to follow your heart.

They say a girl should never be without love,
And all the joy that love alone can bring.
All that I have ever learnt about love,
Tells me it's a very funny thing.
For when your heart is fancy free,
You hope some men will choose it,
But on the spin you find you're in,
The very moment that you lose it.
There's one thing certain from the start
You've got to follow,
You've got to follow your heart.

texttext

Lambeth you've never seen,
The skies ain't blue, the grass ain't green.
It hasn't got the Mayfair touch,
But that don't matter very much.
We play the Lambeth way,
Not like you but a bit more gay
And when we have a bit of fun
Oh, Boy.

Anytime you're Lambeth way
Any evening, any day,
You'll find us all doin' the Lambeth walk.

Ev'ry little Lambeth gal
With her little Lambeth pal,
You'll find 'em all doin' the Lambeth walk.

Ev'rything's free and easy,
Do as you darn well pleasey,
Why don't you make your way there,
Go there, stay there,

Once you get down Lambeth way,
Ev'ry evening, ev'ry day,
You'll find yourself doin' the Lambeth walk.

Anytime you're Lambeth way
Any evening, any day,
You'll find us all doin' the Lambeth walk.

Ev'ry little Lambeth gal
With her little Lambeth pal,
You'll find 'em all doin' the Lambeth walk.

Ev'rything's free and easy,
Do as you darn well pleasey,
Why don't you make your way there,
Go there, stay there,

Once you get down Lambeth way,
Ev'ry evening, ev'ry day,
You'll find yourself doin' the Lambeth walk.

Anytime you're Lambeth way
Any evening, any day,
You'll find us all doin' the Lambeth walk.

Ev'ry little Lambeth gal
With her little Lambeth pal,
You'll find 'em all doin' the Lambeth walk.

Ev'rything's free and easy,
Do as you darn well pleasey,
Why don't you make your way there,
Go there, stay there,

Once you get down Lambeth way,
Ev'ry evening, ev'ry day,
You'll find yourself
Doin' the Lambeth-
Doin' the Lambeth-
Doin' the Lambeth walk!

texttext

Joy bells are ringing,
The songs birds are singing,
And ev'ryone's happy and gay.
Dull days are over,
We'll soon be in clover,
So pack all your troubles away.

The sun has got his hat on
Hip-hip-hip-hooray!
The sun has got his hat on,
He's coming out today.

Now we'll all be happy,
Hip-hip-hip-hooray!
The sun has got his hat on,
And he's coming out today.

He's been roastin peanuts out in Timbuctoo,
Now he's coming back to do the same for you.
So jump into your sunbath
Hip-hip-hip-hooray!
The sun has got his hat on,
And he's coming out today.
Never saw the grass so green
Never saw the sky so blue
What a lot of fun to ev'ryone,
Sitting in the sun all day.

All the little boys excited,
All the little girls delighted,
What a lot of fun to ev'ryone,
Sitting in the sun all day.

Now we all be happy
Hip-hip-hip-hooray!
The sun has got his hat on,
And he's coming out today.

He's been roastin peanuts out in Timbuctoo
Now he's coming back to do the same for you.
So jump into your sunbath
Hip-hip-hip-hooray!
The sun has got his hat on,
And he's coming out today.

Once my father said
And my mother said
And my sister said
And my brother said
Now you're growing up
Soon you're gonna fall out
Of the family roundabout.

Then my father said
And my mother said
And my sister said
And my brother said
There's one little thing
You should certainly know
When into the world you go.
Take your troubles on the chin
And though you get an earful!
Don't despair or tear your hair,
For heaven's sake be cheerful!

That's what father said,
That's what mother said,
That's what sister said,
That's what brother said.
They were certainly right in telling me so
And I think that you should know!

Here's a little trick,
Whenever things get a little bit thick
Just you take it on the chin,
Put on a little grin and smile, smile!
Here's a little ruse
To counteract an attack of the blues,
Just you take it on the chin,
Turn on a little grin and smile!

What's the use of worr'ing
'Bout a single blessed thing,
After all it's done and said,
Pretty soon we all be dead!
So as we're alive,
If there's a bother you want to survive,
Just you take it on the chin,
Cultivate a little grin and smile!

Here's a little trick,
Whenever things get a little bit thick
Just you take it on the chin,
Put on a little grin and smile, smile!
Here's a little ruse
To counteract an attack of the blues,
Just you take it on the chin,
Turn on a little grin and smile!

What's the use of worr'ing
'Bout a single blessed thing,
After all it's done and said,
Pretty soon we all be dead!
So as we're alive,
If there's a bother you want to survive,
Just you take it on the chin,
Cultivate a little grin,
Just you take it on the chin,
Cultivate a little grin and
Smile, smile, smile!

As the Family Solici -

Duchess:
[spoken]
Yes thank you Parchester, that will do.

The story of Hareford handed down
Since William the Norman wore the crown.
The story of Hareford through the ages
Tells of honour and glory on all its pages.

Noblesse oblige (Noblesse oblige)
Noblesse oblige (Noblesse oblige)
Noblesse oblige (Noblesse oblige)

Men of Hareford, the ages tell,
Knew their duty and did it well.
Cherished the proud Hareford story,
Lived and died still adding to its glory.

Hareford stands where Hareford stood
Thanks to men of Hareford blood.
Let it go on that way, I pray that it may,
To the men of Hareford of today.

Men of Hareford, the ages tell,
Knew their duty and did it well.
Cherished the proud Hareford story,
Lived and died still adding to its glory.

Hareford stands where Hareford stood
Thanks to men of Hareford blood.
Let it go on that way, we pray that it may,
To the men of Hareford of today.

Noblesse oblige (Noblesse oblige)
Noblesse oblige (Noblesse oblige)
Noblesse oblige (Noblesse oblige)

(following two verses sung in counterpoint)

Men of Hareford, the ages tell,
Knew their duty and did it well.
Cherished the proud Hareford story,
Lived and died still adding to its glory.
Hareford stands where Hareford stood
Thanks to men of Hareford blood.
Let it go on that way, we pray that it may,
To the men of Hareford of today.

Men of Hareford knew their duty well.
Proud Harefords live and died in glory.
Hareford stands thanks to men of Hareford blood.
Let it go on, we pray that it may,
To the men of Hareford of today, the men of Hareford of today.

Once you lose your heart,
Once somebody takes it from the place it rested in before.
Once you lose your heart,
Once somebody wakes it then it isn't your heart anymore.
It's gone before you knew it could ever go that way
And now you must persue it for ever and a day.
Once you lose your heart,
Once somebody takes it there's one thing certain from the start,
You'll find forever you've got to follow your heart.

Ask your heart,
What gave the world its start?
Why do the seasons come and go?
Ask your heart,
What causes the sunrise?
Only your heart will know.
Why after the sunset,
The moon's aglow,
I used to wonder,
But now I know
The world keeps on turning,
You can't stop it turning,
For love makes the world go round
An old love, a new love,
So long as it's true love,
It's love makes the world go round.
Without love,
Nobody would sing,
Without love,
No wedding bells ring.
And tho' people doubt it,
They can't live without it,
All over the world they've found
That love makes the world go round.

For love makes the world go round.
Yes, love makes the world go round.

Without love,
Nobody would sing,
Without love,
No wedding bells ring.
And tho' people doubt it,
They can't live without it,
All over the world they've found
That love makes the world go round.

Leaning on a lamp,
Maybe you think I look a tramp,
Or you may think I'm hanging 'round to steal a car.
But no, I'm not a crook,
And if you think that's what I look,
I'll tell you why I'm here
And what my motives are.

I'm leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street,
In case a certain little lady comes by
Oh me, oh my,
I hope the little lady comes by.
I don't know if she'll get away,
She doesn't always get away,
But anyway I know that she'll try.
Oh me, oh my,
I hope the little lady comes by.

There's no other girl I could wait for,
But this one I'd break any date for,
She'd never leave me flat,
She's not a girl like that,
She's absolutely wonderful
And marvelous and beautiful,
And anyone can understand why
I'm leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street,
In case a certain little lady comes by.

There's no other girl I could wait for,
But this one I'd break any date for,
She'd never leave me flat,
She's not a girl like that,
She's absolutely wonderful
And marvelous and beautiful,
And anyone can understand why
I'm leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street,
In case a certain little lady comes by.

texttext

Without love, nobody would sing.
Without love, no wedding bells ring.
The world keeps on turning,
You can't stop it turning
For love makes the world go round.
An old love, a new love,
So long as it's true love,
It's love makes the world go round.
Without love, nobody would sing.
Without love, no wedding bells ring.
And though people doubt it,
They can't live without it,
All over the world they found,
That love makes the world go round.

Me and my girl, meant for each other,
Sent for each other and liking it so.
Me and my girl, 's'no use pretending,
We knew the ending a long time ago.

Some little church, with a big steeple,
(Bim bom bim bom. Bim bom bim bom.)
Just a few people that both of us know.
(Bim bom bim bom. Bim bom bim bom.)
And we'll have love, laughter, be happy ever after,
Me and my girl.

Anytime you're Lambeth way
Any evening, any day,
You'll find us all doin' the Lambeth walk.
Ev'ry little Lambeth gal
With her little Lambeth pal,
You'll find 'em all doin' the Lambeth walk.
Ev'rything's free and easy,
Do as you darn well pleasey,
Why don't you make your way there,
Go there, stay there,
Once you get down Lambeth way,
Ev'ry evening, ev'ry day,
You'll find yourself doin' the Lambeth walk.

Anytime you're Lambeth way
Any evening, any day,
You'll find us all doin' the Lambeth walk.
Ev'ry little Lambeth gal
With her little Lambeth pal,
You'll find 'em all doin' the Lambeth walk.
Ev'rything's free and easy,
Do as you darn well pleasey,
Why don't you make your way there,
Go there, stay there,
Once you get down Lambeth way,
Ev'ry evening, ev'ry day,
You'll find yourself
Doin' the Lambeth-
Doin' the Lambeth-
Doin' the Lambeth walk.

Anytime you're Lambeth way
Any evening, any day,
You'll find us all doin' the Lambeth walk.
Ev'ry little Lambeth gal
With her little Lambeth pal,
You'll find 'em all doin' the Lambeth walk.
Ev'rything's free and easy,
Do as you darn well pleasey,
Why don't you make your way there,
Go there, stay there,
Once you get down Lambeth way,
Ev'ry evening, ev'ry day,
You'll find yourself
Doin' the Lambeth-
Doin' the Lambeth-
Doin' the Lambeth walk.

[FADE]

When "Me and My Girl" originally opened in February 1986, it had the
song "If Only You'd Cared For Me" at the end after "Leaning On A
Lamppost". However, by the time that it had opened up on Broadway
as well, the song had been cut and a new one ("Hold My Hand") added.
Noel Gay had a vast collection of songs and when putting the revival
together they shoved in some Noel Gay songs to pad it out.

We were so much together, in the days that used to be.
When both of us were young and fairly fancy free.

I fancied in the marriage stakes, I knew a certainty.
That I'd be Mister You, and you be Misses Me!

Since you and I first met, my dear
A lot of time has flown.
It might have flown so differently,
If we had only known.
To me you used to be the only onion in the stew.
But you could never care me,
The way that I cared for you.

You were a gay lethario.
You nearly turned my head
I'd say today, a lot of guilt's
Worn off the gingerbread
But one among the crowd is what I never cared to be
So I could never care for you,
The way that you cared for me.

Oh! To think what might have been,
Oh! The things we might have seen.

You've seen plenty, I guess.

Ha! And so have you!

Well more or less.
Here we are today condemned to lead a lonely life

Squabbling as we do, we might as well be man and wife.

We're not so young, but not too old.
To make one up to two.

If only you could care for me, as much as I cared for you.

We mightn't care for married life,
Perhaps we're not that sort.
We're getting old and crusty.

Makes me think of vintage port.
I wouldn't mind decanting one, and even one for you.
If only you could care for one....
As much as I'd care for two!

I rather think a glass of port is maybe not for me.

Relax my dear, and have a glass,
It's much more fun than tea.

I've never risked a glass of port since nineteen-twenty-two.
It doesn't seem to care for me, as much as it cares for you.

Ha! A drink would put you right!

Ha! Ha! Do you really think it might?

Best thing under the sun.

Oh! Very well, but only one.
Seek the butler's pantry and purloin the cellar key.

Then we'll pour one down the hatch,
And maybe two or three!

We'll drink a toast to all the things,
We've had no chance to do.
Because you never cared for me,
As much as I cared....
For you!